"Headstones, Inc LLC is a generations-old organization, family-managed and privately-owned through generations. We supply the highest quality stone, and our engraving equipment is state-of-the-art, yet we still retain discrete Master Engravers and Sculptors for that 'human touch' and creativity for which we're known."
Well, to our lament, and to your advatantage, about the time of the 2000 elections we invested heavily in very high-quality stone anticipating events, from one quarter or another, of markers for the dead. This was beautiful gray granite, fine, tastefully-grained and markedly hard. Meant to last lifetimes of mourners. All we might do is await the future to catch up to our market investment. We we were originally thinking domestically, so ordered our shops to reflect our future
projections to inventory with little restraint.
Oh...but we were so disappointed by political thrust as the target group at which we had aimed our thinking got away with murder. 9/11 came and went displaying little sympathy for our plight, and the action in Afghanistan at that point, would also leave us without market for our stones. The run-up to Shock and Awe in Iraq picked up our spirits. Morning after morning we awakened to breakfast and the current news. Each lie, each inclusion of another player within our target group for a time served to make our meal less satisfying personally, yet we felt our brief suffering at the time would become the lavish feast for which we'd hoped. Imagine our dismay as the domestic disappointment returned with a vengence. Watching one of our main targets parade ingloriously on an aircraft carrier deck in broad daylight dressed in a flight suit rather than a prison jumpsuit, we felt our hearts buried at sea in a side-ceremony.
Fast forward to late 2007 as we watched financial lies collapse, our spirit and hopes were renewed. Surely, our original target individual couldn't avoid political exposure...Apparently, he was deemed an idiot, too much so for the populace to hold accountable. (We're not in favor of executing the mentally-deficient, even to sell a few stones; lifetime incareration would have been acceptable to us.)...But we were able to add a whole new class to our target-market in the business culture that promised to have world-wide potential even if we, too, felt the business effects of the economic downturn.
The pain of the downturn lasted long beyond the hope of easing already stale inventory. We had our employees stack and cover the product way out in the corner of the yard with depressing thoughts that beneath that cover may be the bulk of the legacy we leave to our children.
Now, 2015 is coming to a close. Politically, our target group diminished to almost nothing. Targets within the business community simply didn't materialize. We seem to have been wrong on both counts. Today we'll fall victim of our business projection of long ago.
That inventory, still fresh and currently useful to the right customers, has to go!!!
So we invite you to partake of our misfortune. Offered now at deep discounts and two-for-one sales we implore the public to help us out. Rid of us our burden. Imagine the joy of setting these beautiful stones...Of pride in placement and ownership. Help us rid our personal childern (and yours) of the possibility of these stones becoming our weight around THEIR necks as they sink into oligarchic servitute.
ACT NOW!!! and you'll be eligible for a free, full-sized stone! Be the envy of your friends and neighbors. Envision full parks marked by these stones! Green grass amid well-manicured tees...Perfect for family picnics on warm summer afternoons.
The product might be self-evident, but call today for more details. Don't forget our custom work, either.
Call (668) 866-5283, (NOT) TOO-LATE, today, and you'll receive a free gift of a miniture faux-granite replica in exquisite scale and detail!!! Carve your own suggestion(s) into its face and display for friends!
Remember, too, we're international. Ocean shipping costs are at their lowest since colonialism, slavery, and Brittania Rules The Waves.
Our international sales line is country code 8, 428-843-3825 W-(HAT)THE-FUCK.
Whatever one's needs, Headstones LLC can meet your demands.
(This is from an actual stone in a Vancouver cemetary. The grave itself is 125 yrs old, and was a wonderfully weathered old standing stone of cheaper and softer material. Cracked when I first saw it, apparently it and similar others in condition were updated somewhat recently.)
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