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Portland Bureau of Transportation to go into Yuletide Receivership

The city can't afford to give away tens of millions of dollars to wealthy corporations, such as Nike, and still make ends meet, with regard to road and sidewalk safety. We can mitigate the effects of austerity by auctioning off portions of our culture, like the Rose GardenModa Center, but ultimately, nothing short of deus ex machina will help fill the coffers enough for there to be sufficient money to worry about issues that affect living human citizens.

Enter Santa.
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