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government | political theory selection 2012

Uncle Sam Wants YOU To Elect The Next President Of Syria!

Obviously it would be unfair to expect the long-suffering Syrians to risk their lives going out to vote for a new president, especially since the nasty Russian Marines are now all over the place.
ABC News
 link to abcnews.go.com

Now the Russian Black Sea fleet's Iman tanker has arrived in the Syrian port of Tartus on the Mediterranean Sea with an anti-terror squad from the Russian Marines aboard according to the Interfax news agency. The Assad government has insisted it is fighting a terrorist insurgency. The Russian news reports did not elaborate on the Russian troops' mission in Syria or if they are expected to leave the port.

And they are not being at all reasonable about it either.

REUTERS — 10/02/2012 — Syria Crisis: Russia Tells NATO To Stay Away From Syria
 link to www.reuters.com

(Reuters) - Russia told NATO and world powers on Tuesday they should not seek ways to intervene in Syria's civil war or set up buffer zones between rebels and government forces.

Moscow further called for restraint between NATO-member Turkey and Syria, where violence along their shared border has strained relations between the former allies.

So while the Syrians MUST HAVE democracy, they can't vote. Obviously, then, it is up to us to vote for them, if for no other reason than that many tens of millions (at least) of our tax dollars have have been spent hiring mercenaries and sending in tanks to overthrow that mean nasty Assad creature.

The election of Assad's successor will be held on Tuesday, October 23, 2012, at the abandoned Fisher Auto Body Plant 21, in Detroit, Michigan, on Piquette Street just east of Woodward and south of Grand Boulevard. Here is a photo and description so you won't miss it:


The only candidates will be Obama and Romney; there will be no "third parties" to confuse the voters. Since we will be electing the new president of Syria, holding an election for an American president will be meaningless. But this is really a good thing, since the very last thing we need is a president, anyway. Seriously, all they do is spend fake money that we have to pay anyway, start disastrous wars, kill people, including Americans, for sport, etc. We can get by just fine without all that.

There will be four Blues-o-matic paper-free touch-screen electronic voting machines available. This might seem a somewhat small number of machines, but my computer scientists have assured me that it will be adequate for the estimated 100 million voters expected to turn out. They tell me that the real bottleneck will be the line of TSA body gropers. The software on the machines, of course, will remain secret and proprietary in order to maintain absolute maximum security. Also because I must profit off this somehow; it is the American Way, after all.

All voters must bear extensive ID, including an un-hacked long-form birth certificate, a 2009 tax return, and a TV set to prove political literacy. Unfortunately, the TV set must be carried by hand, as totes and carts would take up too much floor space. If the line-waits become excessive, an enormous pack of specially trained sniffer dogs will be set loose to sniff voters in very embarrassing bodily areas. It is anticipated that many of the TV sets will be dropped and will shatter during the long line-waits and the TSA gropings. However, a team of firemen with large shovels will be on hand to clear away as many of the fragmented TVs as possible.

Hope to see you there!