Why The GOP Can't Defeat The Vagina!
By Lloyd Hart
For one, there's a brain attached to it, but of course, that never seems to bother the GOPERS. They simply disregard that part of the anatomy anyway. No they can't defeat the Vagina because it is where we all come from. It is the thing that sticks with us literally for the rest of our lives and it is the place we all must return to if we want to fulfill our completely uncontrollable instinct to propagate the species. I personally think of Vagina every 20 minutes of every waking day and dream of it all the time in my sleep. I can't wait to get back there, to the Vagina that is. And I'm ok with that.
I suspect that the GOPERS can't stand Vagina because they have to talk to the brain attached to it before they are granted entry which is why I think they're always trying to have the government take over the Vagina. You know, so they can shout orders at it and force it to obey. Like, 'Grant me entry now!' or 'You will have my baby regardless of "legitimate rape" or incest.' The GOPERS seem to want complete and utter control of the Vagina despite what the brain attached to it might be thinking or saying. Like "No!" I am sure the GOPERS have heard that word a lot coming from the brain attached to the Vagina. As well as 'No! don't touch me!' or 'No! You can't come inside me!' or 'No! You can not put your penis inside me without a condom on it!' or 'No! I will not have "your" baby!'
I suspect that last one really gets the GOPERS penises tied in a knot because who's fetus is it anyway? The GOPERS want the government to take control of the Vagina now at some point when the GOPER simply thinks of producing sperm prior to it even entering the Vagina, any Vagina as if GOPER sperm is the binding arbitrator of conception, 'You must take my sperm into your Vagina because under the equal protection clause in the constitution all my sperm have a right to conception regardless if I ejaculate into your Vagina or on to the floor.'
I don't understand the GOPER desire to have of the Vagina under total control before they are willing to enter it when, if you are simply nice enough to the brain attached to it, the Vagina seems to grant entry and if you are really nice and are willing to help with the rearing of the resulting children, the brain attached to the Vagina just might let the sperm meet the egg inside.
My theory is that the GOPERS are quitters. The first time they hear the word 'No!' from the brain attached to the Vagina they can't seem to realize that they simply must move on to the next Vagina or try another tactic of niceness but instead, what does the GOPER do? He begins to write legislation to take control of the Vagina and cuts off all communication with the brain attached to it.
Yup the GOPER is a quitter and quitters turn into control freaks and control freaks want the Vagina strapped down to some device or law granting the GOPER entry to the Vagina over any objections the brain attached to the Vagina might have.
So quitters, I mean GOPERS as you meet at your quitter fest, I mean GOPER fest in Tampa this week it is my advise that if you want the brains that are attached to America's Vaginas to vote for you that you try niceness on the brains attached America's Vaginas. Say things like 'I understand if you don't want have a baby right now!' or 'I understand if you want me to use a condom!' or 'I understand if you just want to have some fun and you're not that into me!' or 'I understand if you want to pursue a career!' or 'I respect you as my equal!' or 'I get it now, the government can't take control of your Vagina because I won't let the government take control of my penis!'
Of course you will have to put this new approach to the Vagina into practice in your life because the brain attached to the Vagina will know more often than not if you're just saying these things to gain temporary entry to the Vagina.
Well good luck with your Vagina thing quitters, I mean, Vagina haters, I mean Republican delegates to the Republican Convention.