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On The Many Ways We Deal With Rapists (Trigger Warning)

‎"When I first started out as a rape crisis advocate I did not think there was any hope for justice beyond reporting to the police, and even though I could criticize them as an institution for evils like violence and corruption, I figured they would still help a victim in need. I was proven horribly wrong enough times that I had to change my position. My rage and disappointment and disgust required me to change my position."
(TW: Discussion of rape, confronting rapists, and law enforcement)

Deciding on how I was going to deal with my rapist has made me feel like an adult in a way nothing ever has.

It was a cold night when we walked to his house to a planned, sit-down monologue of sorts. I had my friends with me; he had his roommate standing off in the corner of the room with him. I told him, only occasionally meeting his eyes, of the absolute pain and destruction he caused when he violently took advantage of me. I told him I hated him. He agreed not to contact me or speak to me in public. I felt simultaneously shaken and firm, clear and disoriented, sitting mere feet away from the man who had become the abstract evil of the earth that ruined part of me forever.

I didn't have a model guiding me or a book to read with instructions or anything else that would suggest this was a good idea (although now I know that I am not alone in accomplishing this feat). Some friends and my family shook their heads in worry, or suggested that what I was doing was really "nothing at all" and that if I cared about myself or others, I'd report to the police/bash his skull in/make a public mockery of him for as long as we lived in the same town. I had mulled over what would be effective and get me the closure I needed to move on. When I made my decision to confront him directly, and got the support to do so, I accomplished something more profound than I can grasp at this moment. I held him personally accountable.

While this worked for me in my situation and given my personality and history, I come to this knowing that respect for a diversity of tactics is vital when creating communities of support and justice for victims and survivors. These are hard lessons to learn. When I first started out as a rape crisis advocate I did not think there was any hope for justice beyond reporting to the police, and even though I could criticize them as an institution for evils like violence and corruption, I figured they would still help a victim in need. I was proven horribly wrong enough times that I had to change my position. My rage and disappointment and disgust required me to change my position.

The police, in general, fail victims and survivors who experience sexual violence. In my experience as an advocate, I have seen patrol officers and detectives harshly question and interrogate survivors, imply that they were at fault or are making it all up, not follow up on leads in the course of their investigation, dismiss or refuse to collect certain evidence, and say, "it was a he said/she said" more times than I can count. Some victims and survivors don't "qualify" in the minds of patrol officers or detectives because they're not white, or they were drunk, or they're queer, or use drugs, or live in Section 8. District Attorney's can also choose not to pursue certain (most) cases, and various bureaucratic and administrative red tape and loopholes along the way make it very hard for victims of violent sexual crimes to receive the justice they've been taught to pursue in the criminal justice system.

I hope this description does a few things: it can help explain why some survivors choose NOT to consent to evidence collection kits, or seek help from authorities, or "report his ass to the police". When I made the choice to not report this crime to law enforcement, I did so knowing the system and its players inside and out. I made the best call for my situation according to my experience. There are many people seeking some kind of response to the awful violence they have endured who DO NOT know how the police work, or how Law and Order: SVU has sold them an impossible reality, and may be pressured by others around them to let "the authorities take care of it". Some others still may KNOW the horrible failings and corruptions within the criminal justice system and still seek redress in those ways, because those choices make sense for them. It is never helpful to pressure victims out of seeking answers from law enforcement because of our political commitments in criticizing the police state. It is horrifying and insulting to call survivors "sellouts" or "sympathizers" because they might consider or cooperate with law enforcement after sexual assault. Remember that some do not even get the choice; this process is initiated for them and without their control.

Attempting to help people after this shift in how I viewed the police required me to learn yet another, harder lesson: that I should respect what others need in times of crisis and inform, but not attempt to persuade. It takes respect that accountability and revenge might be what some survivors need immediately or publicly, but that some go through these processes for different reasons. Some may feel comfortable or uncomfortable with violent solutions suggested by their peers and loved ones, and some pursue violent redress on their own. Some might begin the criminal justice process or some other arbitration process and decide to opt out, because god knows the stress and pressure from months of pursuing some unlikely goal of justice through these confusing and hostile systems is enough to make anyone reconsider. Some might pursue communal responses, or initiate a social ostracization process, or may continue on through life seeking no outward punishment or atonement from their attacker. These are each valid and difficult choices, and best left up to those making them.

As advocates we can educate others about the traps within the criminal justice process, help our communities build better and more responsible alternatives, but should ultimately respect that there are reasons people care for themselves in ways that might not make sense (and may never make sense) to you and me. As an advocate and survivor, making connections between what I know professionally and what I've experienced personally is surreal and insightful. I share this with you now in hopes that it helps survivors across communities, and especially those in radical ones, and those who support their efforts to seek justice and healing.

homepage: homepage: http://www.becausewemust.org/on-the-many-ways-we-deal-with-rapists-trigger-warning/

Former Marine: Sexual Trauma and Rape are Dangers in Military Culture 24.Jan.2012 16:19


. 24.Jan.2012 22:51


I am sorry you had to go through all of this. I hope things get better for you. It is horrible and should never happen to anyone.

Rape is a violation of one's body and soul. 29.Jan.2012 18:37

Ideas, Action & JUSTICE

In the misogynistic/sexist... male chauvinist society we live in "justice" is oftentimes elusive and at times seemingly unobtainable to women who've been objectified and forcibly dishonored/degraded and robbed of their dignity by the horrible and vile act of rape. Rape has the potential to destroy lives.

MORE POWER TO YOU... (AND OTHER POWERFUL FEMALES) IN REALIZING THE ***POWER OF YOUR LIFE***... IN THAT THROUGH YOUR OWN PERSONAL ACTIONS YOU HAVE "MAN"AGED TO RECLAIM YOUR SELF-DETERMINATION AND FREEWILL in doing what you felt personally would best help you with closure--- and it's great to know even though you were horrendously victimized you retained your dignity (as so you should), and your integrity and respect for yourself seems solidified (as it should be... stronger than ever). Not only have you survived your experience but through your own strength of character, courage & fortitude... you are working towards empowering others to *hold their heads up high with dignity & pride* and you are encouraging them to BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES AND TO BELIEVE IN THEIR *OWN POWER*. Again... with respect to DIVERSITY OF TACTICS.

MORE POWER TO ALL VICTIMS OF RAPE who have survived their experiences of violation with their self respect 'intact' (not allowing it to be STOLEN) and without feelings that they have been permanently **branded** and dishonored by ill-conceived notions of being "defiled" or "tainted". This is unfounded and untrue... your beauty and innocence remains always and can never be stolen from you. Remain true to yourself and retain your pride and LOVE FOR YOURSELF. Compassion for yourself gives strength always.

Those who are subject to atrocities/rape should not be made to feel *branded* and stigmatized or made to carry around the weight of the burden of the foul memories FORCED on them by the rapist (oftentimes through "keywords" or various "triggers") which have the capacity to cause the victim to "relive the terrible experience in their minds" over and over again.

The SHAME and degradation should always be directed where it belongs... on the rapist... the offender/perpetrator/violator/desecrator of human rights who through their actions attempt to steal dignity and pride from the innocent and vulnerable. They attempt to force women to feel "inferior" and "insignificant" which is not only damaging to one's psyche but is a HUGE LIE that is destructive on so many different levels (personally/spiritually/globally). Globally speaking... rape has an enormous negative impact on the consciousness of the entire planet and on the WorldView it creates.

(Just some 'food-for-thought' in terms of turning the consciousness of the situation around for an alternate perspective and hypothetical "role-reversal" for expanded awareness)—> Just an imaginary idea for possible justice... and on the subject of being "branded"---- With the knowledge that the forceful, violent, coercive, non-consensual act of rape is a violation of both one's body and soul-- perhaps the known perpetrator of the rape should be *forced to wear a tattoo on their body* sporting the word "RAPIST" for all the world to see. With a view to actualizing 'true justice' perhaps victims of rape could somehow be compensated by demanding that their aggressors/attackers be made to wear the tattoo with the purpose of stating the horrors of what the rapists have done and which would also act as a protection to others who come in contact with him so more women wouldn't have to be forced to go through the same "man-made" hell on earth (it would act to provide information on the man's inclination/tendency and propensity towards extreme violence against women-- kind of like a reverse "Scarlet Letter"). Considering many rapists resort to using "mickeys"/"rufys" in order to subdue and induce vulnerability to their victims before performing their vile victimization on the innocent, unsuspecting subjects of their aggression--- maybe the tables could be turned and this tactic could be utilized with the view to successfully "branding"/tattooing/objectifying the person responsible for committing perhaps the most offensive act imaginable and "known to man". Rapists are depraved and vile. Personally, I think it would be a small price to pay considering the consequences of the forced act of rape and the incalculable potential psychological trauma and negative effects it has on the victim's mind/body/spirit. Rape has the potential to destroy lives forever unless 'true justice' is achieved.

Justice 'food-for-thought'.

Speaking in terms of 'Unity of Oppression'—> Women are not meat. *Meet any Woman* and she'll tell you she is not an "object" to be 'used & abused'. She is not to be branded and labeled as a "commodity"/"resource" to be exploited. A society is sick when people are wrongly viewed as "usable & disposable objects". We live in a violent and toxic disposable consumer society/culture where oftentimes people are wrongly viewed as "inferior" which leads to domiNation... indoctriNation by toxic ideas of 'power & control'.

Viewing 'others' as "inferior" is just another *lie/myth* that is a PRODUCT from our so-called "civilized-culture" cultivated and fueled by patriarchy, violence, aggression and war. War and rape go 'hand in hand' just as war and lies are integrally connected. The power is within all of us to SEE EVERYONE AS EQUAL AND CREATE A DIFFERENT WORLD BASED ON JUSTICE, TRUTH, COMPASSION AND RESPECT FOR "OTHERS". Everything in life is 'cause & effect' and 'what comes around goes around' being that the Earth is circular. Hatred, aggression, cruelty and violence take many forms and the negative hate-filled actions inflicted upon others continue to circle the planet and manifest in a multitude of ways.
By the same token... random acts of kindness and compassion meant to provoke justice/equality towards others have the ability to radiate out in waves and can affect the World in many different positive ways and can possibly help towards counteracting the many hate-motivated actions and crimes that are so wrongly forced upon the innocent on a daily basis.

—>>> What is done to others is done to ourselves. NO MORE HYPOCRISY. <<<—

FREE YOUR MIND AND FREE THE WORLD. 'Provoking thought' and opening minds is empowering for ALL because thoughts have the potential to provoke new thoughts & insights into important issues that potentially have the power to affect the entire World... by changing WorldViews. Attempt to see life through the 'Eyes of Others' and visualize/imagine life 'walking in their shoes' in order to gain understanding from their life experiences. Everyone has the ability to make a 'positive contribution'.


Women's lives have VALUE beyond words or dollar signs $$$. The 'masculine energy' is more inclined towards war, violence and aggression. The 'FEMININE ENERGY' alone has the POWER TO HEAL MOTHER EARTH because they are the better half of the human species and are more inclined to nurture, heal and protect. Their true value is incalculable and it is past time to put them back in their elevated roles as caretakers/healers/true-peacemakers of the planet and should be seen in their 'True Light'... as the ones we should really look towards for guidance to ultimately bring True Peace to the World.

Rape Fuels a Men-tality inclined towards War and tendencies/leanings that influence global warfare and strife. Likewise... 'lies and hate' are both major factors which fuel war and perpetuate the ongoing toxic 'cycle of war' which continues to be a disease on the planet. Truth is always the first casualty of war.

Resistance against the War-System that is destroying Mother Earth is Sacred.
LOVE is our Resistance~<3

Independent-minded people who work towards self liberation are a 'vital asset' and 'valuable resource' and benefit the planet by helping to manifest eventual total Global Liberation (we can all help to be a catalyst for freeing other minds from the patriarchal social system of corporate control & indoctriNation/domiNation). Working together towards the liberation of others minds will help defend the planet against the *forces of globalized/corporatized/militarized domination/enslavement*—> WE who promote total global liberation are not a threat to society and are not a threat to the Earth (WE are the defenders of Earth Justice). Thoughts that work towards eventual Peace on Earth through the creation of *Equality & Justice For All People Worldwide* are good and should not be viewed as a "crime". WE are not "thought-criminals". Thinking of ways in which we can help guide the planet towards total Earth Equality, Justice & Peace should not be viewed as a crime—> (it's time to change this WorldView away from the backwards mentality of the "business-of-war-as-usual"... the so-called status quo that is fueled by lies, hate, greed, and the insatiable appetite of "ownership" and the demoralizing objectification over all things— including people).

This country is seemingly forever involved 'time and time again' in never ending ongoing ***ILLEGAL and IMMORAL WARS of INVASION/|\OCCUPATION***.

Flashback—> Remembering history is essential to creating a "life-affirming" positive future based on Justice and Respect for the Rights and Equality of others (We are all ONE and are all equal). Forgetting history is dangerous—> Ignorance/denial/apathy of history is not bliss. Sexism, Bigotry, Prejudice, Discrimination, Chauvinism, Division and Intolerance is not "Spiritual"— it is a "backwards and obsolete mentality". It should all be relegated to the past but NEVER FORGOTTEN.

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Studying history is necessary to avoid repeating past mistakes. Those who forget history and the mistakes of the past are doomed to repeat it." - George Santayana (Law of Repetitive Consequences)

Focus on the true perpetrators/criminals guilty of causing the war/chaos/terror that is consuming the Earth—> the *Masters of War*. Point the finger in the right direction instead of misdirecting blame always... time and time again towards the innocent instead of towards those who are truly guilty of ECOCIDE. —> MOTHER EARTH RAPE & MURDER IS THE ULTIMATE CRIME.

—>>> Total Earth Justice NOW! <<<—

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." - Martin Luther King Jr.
"There comes a time when silence is betrayal." - Martin Luther King Jr.

ALL People's Lives have Value and deserve Respect and Dignity. All people deserve Human Rights & Justice.

Respect the power of Mother Earth Energy (planetary 'feminine energy of creation' capable of providing global solutions for 'true sustainability' and existing as the only 'genuine catalyst' for the manifestation of a 'truly life-affirming world capable of Peace' through nurturing and healing of the Earth). Another World is Possible— ONE that embraces PEACE. We are all a part of Mother Earth/Nature and it's time we ACT like it... we are all a 'Force of Nature' because we are all connected to her (WE ARE HER—> We are All Connected and 'One with the Earth').

"The first step in the evolution of ethics is a sense of solidarity with other human beings." - Albert Schweitzer

More on HYPOCRISY and the WAR ON HUMAN RIGHTS. —> The THEOCRATIZATION of America (and the planet) and the dangers of combining 'church & state'. There is an *Attack on the Female Energy of the Earth—> GAIA*. Those who endorse and advocate THEOCRACY feel threatened by the concept of Mother Earth (feminine energy) and of the radical global awakening of Earth Consciousness in people all around the planet becoming personally empowered to rise up and demand global planetary Rights, Equality, and Justice for ALL PEOPLE WORLDWIDE.

Many followers of dogmatic theocracy see Mother Earth as just a "RESOURCE" to be used and abused— an 'OBJECT and POSSESSION' to be conquered/dominated/exploited/oppressed.
For a better Understanding of this concept/idea I recommend people see the movie *Avatar* —>>>EARTH JUSTICE NOW<<<—

Gaia Hypothesis - Excerpts from James Lovelock's lecture on the current climate crisis - (open to interpretation) —>-> The Future of Earth  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSbmx__0QQY&feature=related
We have FREEWILL to become an intelligent species and have freewill to EVOLVE.

>>>Don't Turn a Blind Eye<<< —> See and Respect Mother Earth with Eyes Wide Open <—EARTH JUSTICE = PEACE

"Food for Thought" and open to interpretation—> What does the Tree of life, and the God-dess Eywa in the movie Avatar have in common?  link to www.ascension-workshop.co.za

Transform and FREE the World with the **POWER of LOVE for MOTHER EARTH**~~~<3
"When the power of Love overcomes the love of power. . .the World will know Peace." ~ Jimi Hendrix

Put Nature and Mother Earth before money & FALSE PROFIT $$$.

The Female Energy is under attack and is being suppressed (by FORCE) by the patriarchal male dominated society/hierarchy of so-called "authority". THEOCRACY is dominated by the masculine energy— and much of the time those who follow extreme fundamentalist dogma believe God is to be FEARED and that HE is a 'God of War' (domination/power & control), and that he imposes 'hellfire & damnation' on innocent people (whom they believe are "sinners" because of their ongoing and never-ending "judgment" of others who are "different").

More Extremist Evangelical Megachurch Mayhem—> The "War on Women" — Bishops Are Behind the 'Let Women Die' Act and the Push Against Birth Control--Even As They're Under Fire for Sex Abuse Scandals - The first bishop in the US is indicted for child sex-abuse coverup; meanwhile, his colleagues push for laws that will intrude on our sexual freedom. The council has done this without being questioned by the corporate mainstream media. <— October 17, 2011 - Sarah Seltzer  link to www.alternet.org
How Christian Fundamentalism Helped Empower The Top 1% To Exploit The 99% - October 13, 2011 - Frank Schaeffer  link to www.alternet.org

Although I myself am not an "atheist" per se (I hate labels) I find this to be an interesting website for INSIGHT and information to expand understanding and personal growth/transformation. FREETHOUGHT—>  http://chasdarwin.com/

EVOLVE---> Beyond the War Industry/System—> UNITY for Justice and World Peace. CREATE a 'Culture of Compassion & Love'.

When enough people focus their 'attention & positive intentions' towards truly caring about helping to HEAL THE PLANET this is when a 'true radical shift in consciousness' will occur and the World will forever be changed for the better. True and lasting Peace on Earth will be found when enough people seek the truth that already exists within themselves and allow their hearts to be opened to thoughts and ACTS of kindness and compassion towards others (both humans and animals alike) who struggle/suffer and are exploited/oppressed by the 'system of domination' we are all enslaved by. We can all assist in 'being the change' the planet needs by encouraging others to 'believe in themselves and follow their own heart for guidance'— by focusing on 'healing ourselves' we can assist in the 'Healing of the Earth' by helping others to understand the connection we all have to the Earth and symbiotic relationship we all have to one another (Web of Life)... what is done to others is done to ourselves.

We can all assist others in the realization/revelation/epiphany that if mankind is to evolve in a positive direction he must do so by acknowledging the sacredness of Mother Earth and Nature and help guide the planet's consciousness away from war/hate/aggression/conflict and we can all be catalysts of positive change by helping to guide and SHIFT THE ENERGY/thoughts/power towards the 'nurturing feminine energy' of 'Compassion & Love' which will allow the Earth to start the eventual process towards healing and ultimately towards—> WORLD PEACE which is the utmost goal in life.

"Every daring attempt to make a great change in existing conditions, every lofty vision of new possibilities for the human race, has been labeled Utopian." - Emma Goldman

It's up to all compassionate, open-minded and heartfelt people to be the 'cure' which will defend others against the toxic disease of the *Weapon that is Hate*. Compassion & Love has the powerful transformative power to help lead the "man-made World" to the eventual/ultimate harmonious CREATION OF TOTAL EARTH LIBERATION AND JUSTICE FOR ALL.

The ever present patriarchal indoctriNation consumer war culture/system brainwashing that is *FORCED ON US ALL* and that we are all bombarded with from 'cradle to grave' has far and outreaching negative affects and interconnects all issues of domiNation... in all areas of global oppression/exploitation. Everything is connected and it is all a part of the 'same picture'. It is a symptomatic effect of the toxic disease of hegemony and Imperialism. There are 'mountains of ignorance' and it is up to all of us to attempt to do our collective part to work in solidarity to counter this... regardless of how overwhelming and daunting a task it may seem at times. *RESISTANCE* against the existing 'systems of power & control' and against the 'crimes & violations' of misplaced so-called "authority" is everything. Never stop believing that we all have the power to help make a positive difference and can help to 'change things for the better'. The only real and tangible solution towards building a bridge towards UNDERSTANDING is by elevating awareness and proactively working TOGETHER to create a 'Radical R/evolution in Consciousness' GLOBALLY. To do this we need to open our minds and hearts to the pursuit of understanding the struggle/suffering of *Others*, both locally and globally, and imagine *Seeing and Experiencing Life through the Eyes of Others*.

(*Flashback*—> eVerything is connected) — Unity of Oppression —  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGZlcHzPwxQ
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
"He who allows oppression, shares the crime." - Erasmus Darwin

No More Hypocrisy—>>>Earth Justice Now.
Shine the Light on crimes of Hatred, Injustice and Inequality and CREATE a Liberated Earth.

"Either war is obsolete or men are. If humanity does not opt for integrity we are through completely. It is absolutely touch and go. Each one of us could make the difference." ~ R. Buckminster Fuller

"You never change things by fighting the existing reality.
To change something, create a new model that makes the old model obsolete." - Buckminster Fuller

"The world shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." - J. Krishnamurti

"The free expression of the hopes and aspirations of a people is the greatest and only safety in a sane society." - Emma Goldman

"Above all, always be capable of feeling most deeply any injustice committed against anyone in the world. That is the most beautiful quality in a revolutionary."
— Che Guevara's last words to his children in a farewell letter

"A man is but the PRODUCT of his thoughts... what he thinks, he becomes." — Mohandas Gandhi


We Are ALL Energy—> proVoke thought & proVoke freedom for ALL Worldwide (human & animal alike)
The Revolution is the Evolution of the Mind.

One Earth - One Love - One Peace~~<3
Solidarity, R/evolution and Resistance Always~~~<3
Meet any Woman and she’ll tell you not to “brand” her as an “object”/”resource
Meet any Woman and she’ll tell you not to “brand” her as an “object”/”resource".
Protect, Defend & Heal the Earth~~~<3
Protect, Defend & Heal the Earth~~~<3