"I Don't want to know, Lord"
A Mythical Church somewhere, sometime soon
Dear Brothers and Sisters,
I have been working on a satire about starting a new church, called "The Church of Ignorance." This was first spoken about as people would give us negative looks in front of the Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit, downtown Portland, Oregon. (During our continuing protest of Judge jay bybee)
Please do not send money, this is for your enjoyment and maybe to get you to laugh just a little bit.
The service will now begin:
Lord of all the spirits of ignorance,
Hear our plea,
Don't want to know nothing Lord,
Please don't let me hear the bad things,
Please, we pray that you grant me stupidity.
Don't want to know where/who my representative is,
Don't want to know where Gaza, Iraq or even that sandy place Iran is,
Don't tell me about the children dying, Oh--don't want to know, Lord!
We will now all put on our blindfolds so that we may not see, let us pray
The darkness is good,
The darkness is peaceful,
The darkness is hope,
The darkness is security.
We will now put in our earplugs so that we may not hear, let us pray
The silence is good,
The silence is peaceful,
The silence is hope,
The silence is security.
Praise the Lord,
Alleluia, alleluia my lord of ignorance!!!
We will now sing our first hymn:
Silent night---------------------------holy night
All is calm
All is dark,
I love your dumbness,
I love the quietness,
I love your money,
I love the blindness.
My children, my people of the unaware, we have great news!!! Our store is going to open soon, don't know when, because----
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW
Now you must shop at our store of the "I don't want to know Lord!"
$25.00 Royal Purple with our motto in yellow, "Ignorance is Holy"
$100.00 Bright yellow with our motto in Royal Purple, "Ignorance is Holy" and at $250.00 we will add the line, "I DON'T KNOW NOTHIN'... "
We are working on more items, but there is a special offer that we are so excited about:
For $500.00 we will send you your own sand box with our blessed sand that you can bury your head in and stop any communist sinner from talking to you. It works to get you on the path to peace in your time.
We are also working on a "Prince or Princess Cap." You will be able to wear this cap on your head and be entitled to all of the benefits that go along with this cap.
a) 911 future sins are forgiven, you don't have to worry---gone, they never happened. You can lie, cheat and do other "nasties" for up to 911 times and all will be forgiven---wow, you just got to get one of these.
b) You get a big ring that your family can kiss, made out of plastic from the oil of the gulf.
c) A chalice made from the metal of cluster bombs.
D) A set of orange, pink and blue water bottles that you can use to perform exorcisms or just drink if you get thirsty.
Cost: Estimated at $100,000.00 for one year of sinning or till you reach 911 sins.
Our R&D section is working on a special place of worship. We are buying up lots of used sand from the Gulf of Mexico and should have news about this in our next bulletin----Praise the Fools!
PS Don't forget to say your prayers tonight and every night. (SEE ABOVE)
Joe, the Special One from the New Church of Ignorance. (SONCI)
We have openings for brothers, sisters, priests, bis-ups, pigeons, and one position for janitorial.
All positions cost a minimum donation of $40,000.00 and must go through 2 years of training.
If you have pictures of protesters trying to talk to you and you frowning that would be wonderful for our next bulletin due out sometime in the days to come, if it does---but
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW
Brother Judas, would you start the money baskets movin'--we need to let the good and stupid pay their way on this wonderful day of ignorance. Can I get a big yeah on that, brothers and sisters?
contribute to this article
add comment to discussion
view discussion from this article