I am running on a platform of change even though I have been in Congress since 1993. We need change in the Congress and if you re-elect me, I promise to change. In my next term, I will actually listen to my constituents and oppose all illegal wars and invasions. Really. I will. I promise.
And in my next term, I will vote against all spending on these illegal occupations and an over-inflated defense budget. I will even submit a bill calling for all states to refuse to send national guard into foreign countries for unlimited amount of time (which is already in the law but everyone has ignored it, even our Governor) and submit another bill restating that no soldiers can be deployed on American streets. I promise.
If re-elected to another term, I will be more fiscally responsible and not pass spending bills (or insert those little earmarks that have no oversight and are boondoggles that payoff special interests) unless there really is the tax revenue to cover it. I am ashamed to admit that I have been part of creating the largest federal debt in history, going from a mere $5 trillion to over $11 trillion in just nine years, but I really, really promise not to add any more money to the debt.
In my next term, I promise to demand that everyone, including the wealthy, pay their fair share of the debt. I promise, I really promise, to raise taxes on the wealthy—especially all those who benefited from the corporate bailouts---so that there will be a time when every child born in the United States does not start out with a $40,000 debt.
In my next term, I promise to sponsor a bill calling for real health care reform that puts taxpayer money into health care rather than health insurers' pockets. I promise.
In my next 6 years, I will find the courage to say that this current "health care reform" bill was pure propaganda, with lots of "left" versus "right" distractions so that no one noticed that this is just the health insurance corporations' equivalent of the banking bailout. The 2009 "health care reform" debate will long be remembered as a classic disinformation strategy and yes, I was part of it but if you re-elect me, I promise to speak the truth in my next term. I really will change. I promise.
It is true that I felt powerless during my time in Congress and have become addicted to blaming "those in power." But I promise to get some therapy to help me let go of my victimhood identity. I will change so I can stand up and speak out against abuses of power. If you re-elect me to another term, I will find the courage to call for the impeachment of any president who illegally spies on Americans, who engages in torture, who lies to the public and Congress in order to take us into war, and who claims the power to only enforce laws that he agrees with. Really. I promise.
I am campaigning on a Change slogan. I really can change. I promise to change and do the job you expected me to when you voted for me in 1992, 1998, and 2004. I will really do it if you reelect me in 2010. Really. I promise.
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