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0601 am 'Get This' news

Summary of the KBOO am news for Friday, June 1st, 2007.
0601 am 'Get This' news
0601 am 'Get This' news
06/01/07 Get This
sui generis

1. Scary Movie: Two more defendants in the 'Green Scare' scandal were sentenced yesterday. The way the official reports have it, both Suzanne Savoie and Kendall Tankersley got time off for co-operation with the investigation. Let's take a look: Judge Ann Aiken and others around the country are beginning to see what the USA Patriot Act is going to look like through the other end of the binoculars. History, I fear, will not be kind... . And I wonder if claiming these activists "co-operated" is another way of discrediting them amongst their peers and providing a graceful way to lower the sentences.
2. Eat The Rich... Wait, No, don't... ..They're full of hormones and antibiotics... .Oregon legislators are thinking about taxing the rich to help the working poor (They have to think about this? Poverty causes crime, drug abuse, chronic illness and general craziness that cost the state untold millions every year... We could save a lot of money by saving our own poor and neglected citizens... .but then we'd be full of hormones and antibiotics...
3. Raining Cats and Dogs: Or in the words of words of Mr. Burns, "Release the hounds!" (Here's a suggestion: Let's hunt people; they kill and eat far more livestock than a cougar ever could... )
4. Lawmakers added the finishing touches to a measure they plan to send to voters this fall. The idea is to scale back some of the most egregious excesses of Measure 37. (Economist Bryan Caplan writes in his new book, 'The Myth of the Rational Voter', "Voters are worse than ignorant; they are, in a word, irrational." Or put another way, the question is, Do stupid people deserve a healthy environment. Indeed.)
5. Ol' Mz. Johnson had a farm, Eee Aye Eee Aye Ow! State Rep. Betsy Johnson pulled a fastie. Farmer Johnson sold her farmland adjacent to a local airport and then introduced a bill promoting special airport access for private landowners, along the way making a tidy $120 thousand dollar profit. (We call this "bipartisan" in the sense that public servant Betsy and private landowner Betsy were able to see eye to eye on the matter... )
6. The Island Of Doctor Pamplin: Bob Pamplin, owner of Ross Island and the Portland Tribune is going to Fist City with the Big O. How'd that happen? Well, Bob gave Ross Island to Portland a while back in order to avoid to cost of cleaning up the toxic waste dump it had become under his stewardship. The Oregonian roused itself from slumber and covered the story is what passed for an evenhanded manner, thus undercutting the Trib's pro-Pamplin Glow. So now when the clean up costs pencil out below the value of the land and Pamplin wants his island back, he tells Portland that it was the Oregonian that pissed in the punch. Or something like that...
7. Got Change For A Bill?: Under - way under - a new bill, businesses that receive grants from the Oregon Department of Economic and Community Development would have to sign agreements that their employees are legally here in the US.
8. The Josephine County branch of the United Way is officially out of the way.
9. The US government has withdrawn a dinner invitation to Soliman al-Buthi, the former director of the al-Haramain charity in Ashland. Seems the embassy in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia was mistakenly courteous to a person of the Muslim persuasion. But it's fixed now: al-Buthi is uninvited. That's what American diplomacy is all about... .
10. Kill Bill: Oregon Senator Rick Metsger says both the Democrats and the Republicans are trying to kill his bill that would kill "robocalling" at election time. (Personally, I'd prefer a bill that allowed me to hunt said "robocallers" with hounds... )
11. While we are still on a killing spree: President Bush has killed the G8 climate agreement. Sort of like beating a dead horse.
12. American Idyll: Cindy Sheehan is selling her place in Texas on e-Bay. The most likely buyer is a group of war-mongers who want to set up a sort of war memorial theme park.
13. Turns out Chinese melamine is everywhere, in everything including the elusive Dark Matter that makes up most of outer space, or at least the dark part - as well as a farm in Ohio where it made another Special Guest Appearance in animal feed.
14. Whale watchers in the Strait of Juan de Fuca were astonished to see Coast Guard boats doing 'doughnuts' around a pod of orcas while firing machine guns at the creatures. (Note to Coast Guard: Next time use hounds wearing life preservers... .its more photogenic and maybe even easier to explain.)
15. In Fort Worth, Texas, a life-long career soldier, veteran of both Gulf wars, Bosnia, Rwanda and Korea, recipient of the Purple Heart, working as an intelligence analyst (This incident ought to give him plenty to analyze) got demoted because he sent an e-mil to 38 people in which he questioned the official story of 9/11. Sergeant Don Buswell was fired, stripped of his security clearance, demoted and forced to take a mental exam. He was also ordered not to talk to the media... Whoops... )
16. There's salmonella in that peanut butter you were about to eat...
17. A Russian nuclear dump is about to blow sky high. (But don't you fret, America... Bush's Polish Star Wars system will shoot that Bad Boy right out of the atmosphere... .)
18. If you aren't in the market for penis enlargement products, wrinkle creams or Cindy Sheehan's old place in Crawford, you can buy the plans for the new US embassy in Baghdad on e-Bay. (Includes swimming pool and Rec center!)
19. A Bosnian cow fell in a mass grave and drowned. Come Again? Okay... What happened was this; the grave was opened and the bodies were exhumed but the government left the grave open and it filled up with rain water. That's when this guy's cow fell in. The Bosnian judge who awarded the farmer damages expressed reservations, figuring the man was just trying to make a fast buck because his cow died. Think about it, though: There have got to be easier ways to make money - even in Bosnia - that thinking up a story like this... .)
20. Cambodia is clear-cutting itself.
21. The UK and Iran are going to work together to find the five foreigners still missing in Iraq (The US is probably holding them at Guantanamo until its time to punish Iran for assisting with the snatch... .)
22. America has decided to "reach out" to Iraqis. (Iraqis, no doubt, feel they have experienced about all any nation cares to experience of America's "reach." )
23. Vladimir Putin is all too happy to oblige: If America wants a new Cold War, well fine. Cold War is Putin's 'piece de resistance'.
24. Happy Birthday, Dan! Dan Bartlett, one of president Bush's most trusted (At least up until now) advisors and his longest-serving aide, has given himself a great big beautiful present: He quit! (And he wasn't even under indictment... )