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05-11-07 am' Get This' news

Summary of the KBOO am news for Friday, May 11th, 2007.
0511 am 'Get This' news
0511 am 'Get This' news
05/11/07 Get This
sui generis

1. Last Thursday Katie Bailey and about fifteen friends - a diverse group of young people - were celebrating a birthday at Montage (Caveat: The place's signature feature is definitely not the food - it's the 'anti-ambiance'... I just saying... ). One member of the party, a Hispanic fellow, got more that food on his plate; He got the old 'Go home' message (In horseradish, no less!) . Now Okay, that's Montage for you, right? C'mon... Only a true moron would not notice that the dinner was on its way to someone who might not appreciate the humor. (A complaint was met with, "Well, if he doesn't get Montage humor, maybe he should go home." Gee thanks, and maybe the server should go fuck themselves with a horseradish... .)
2. Measure 37 is still hanging over Oregon like a gigantic fart. The legislature voted to make the review process longer, but what is really needed is a hero with a huge match... .
3. The Seven Deadly Sings: A year ago we had the soldier deployed to Iraq writing a song about raping an Iraqi girl, then just yesterday we had Rush Limbaugh singing about "Barack the magic negro", and now, today, comes "Press One For English". This little gem was performed at a law enforcement awards banquet in Florida. (America: We're so damn happy, we just gotta sing about it... )
4. Tonya, Your Ride's Here: Oregon legislators have cooked up a bill that would prevent property owners from selling the land right out from under their poor tenants' trailer homes. The wheels of commerce and the wheels of poverty are rarely on the same track.
5. It's Friday and Oregon is still celebrating the domestic partnership bill and the anti-discrimination bill that the Guv signed into law this week. Meanwhile, the bigots are gnashing their teeth, sharpening their swords and rekindling their 'tro credibility by watching Nascar and beating off...
6. While You Were Sleeping: The House approved federal emergency timber payments to rural communities to help farmers, fight wildfires and pay for schools left destitute by the depredations of logging companies. Much of the 'depredation' was done on public land, so the feds owe rural residents the money anyway. And there's nothing "emergency" about being dumb enough to cut down trees that are worth more as factories making fresh air than as the paper US currency is printed on...
7. Who's Buried In Grant's Pass? Answer: Fish, that's who. After last weekend's fuel oil spill in Gilbert Creek near Grants Pass, floaters have been showing up everywhere. But the Department of Fish and Wildlife wants you not to worry: They aren't going to release the numbers of fish killed by the oily waters of the creek... Cioppino, anyone?
8. Harshing On Your Melamine: Chinese melamine is in absolutely everything. (And that's merely one of those "colorless, tasteless, odorless" nightmares that our brave new Culinary Industrial Complex has lavished on unsuspecting eaters.
9. Here's To YouTube! In Seattle the local branch of the NAACP caught the cops with their clubs out. The civil rights group reviewed a videotaped arrest of an alleged drug dealer. The video shows the cops beating the guy up and attempting to plant drugs on him. (We weren't kidding when we said "The Whole World Is Watching!" back in Seattle... )
10. The Oregon House approved a bill to put fuel efficiency questions on the drivers test. (How about a few Driving School lessons in basic manners and common sense? That way when we are all flat out of oil, battling one another with sticks and rocks, we'll be able to signal surrender with something other than the middle finger... )
11. The Pentagon has formally - and finally - charged Salim Ahmed Hamdan with conspiracy and material support for terrorism. Thus one nightmare ends and another begins for the unfortunate Mr. Hamdan who, in a former life served as Osama bin Laden's chauffeur. (Hamdan is no doubt reflecting on his miserable luck and asking himself if bin Laden was really such a shitty boss, compared with his American captors... )
12. Massachusetts Democratic Senator Jim McGovern got the House to vote on a plan that would see American troops coming home beginning ninety days hence. Of course the bill did not pass, but at least when the inevitable ignominious retreat from the rooftops of the Green Zone... dangling chads and all... Our Boys in Washington can say that they gave it the old War College Try...
13. But the House did pass a bill that will fund the troops until the end of July. Bush won't sign it, of course, but it's the thought that counts... .(Bush and General Petraeus would have us believe that after July, American soldiers will have to point their index fingers and yell 'Bang! Bang!')
14. Former ("Former" because Karl Rove told Monica Goodling told Alberto Gonzales not to tell the House or the Senate to fire him... ) US Attorney John McKay says that Gonzales should start burnishing his resume.
15. Money Talks: European leaders, frustrated in their attempt to get through to the White House, finally put it terms that even the Bush administration could understand: 'Wolfowitz goes or so does our World Bank money..' Yes, the EU says that if Wolfowitz does not resign, there is going to be a vote of no confidence in that monthly statement.
16. So far, the official American death count in Iraq is 3,385... .But that number goes all the way back to 6:00 am...
17. Marine Captain Randy (And how) Stone's hearing starts today at Camp Pendleton. Depending on how that piece of business goes for him, Randy may or may not be court martialled for ordering the Haditha massacre in which more than 24 Iraqi men women and children were gunned down in the perpetual American Fog of War.
18. I am guessing Captain Randy didn't get the memo: General Petraeus says that adhering to high moral values "distinguishes us from our enemy." (You bet! "Our enemies" would never sink to the moral depths in which our glorious troops swim... )
19. Members of an indigenous tribe in the Peruvian Amazon are suing oil giant Occidental Petroleum in California's Superior Court for utterly decimating the landscape upon which their lives depend. (The Achuar people are a hair's breath away from having American democracy brought to them... )
20. The British cops who killed the Brazilian man on the underground are going free as birds. Menezes, on the other hand, has been liberated permanently from "this mortal coil... .