02/20/07 Get This
1. "You can lead; You can follow; or you can get out of the way... ": Advocates of higher spending on Oregon's schools held a Presidents Day rally on the steps of the capitol in Salem yesterday. (Advocates of an ignorant citizenry spent the day at the 'Grand Mall' - that or playing patriotic video games in preparation for their roles in the coming robot wars... .)
2. This Call May Be Monitored For Your Last words As You Are Consumed By The Flaming Wreckage Of Your Vehicle: Oregon lawmakers are rapidly backing away from a bill that would ban the use of cell phones while driving. Instead, they are considering a bill, which would give police the authority to pull over drivers whose cell phone use was making their driving unsafe. (That leaves, eating, the application of make-up and watching TV A-Okay whilst behind the wheel... )
3. Schumacher Furs is going out of business. They could have stayed in the business had they agreed to mediation and moved the store somewhere furrier - like Beaverton - or Alaska...
4. The best thing about the gene pool? No lifeguard! As lawmakers wrangle with the tough question of whether to let preteens ride ATVs, a new report is out showing that injuries from motorcycles and ATVs increased 76 percent in Oregon over a five-year period. (And the good news is, we should see significant improvement in test scores among middle school kids... .)
5. Massachusetts's Governor Mitt Romney is spending a wad of his capital capital on campaign ads this week. Other GOP hopefuls are preparing to hitch a ride on the bandwagon. (Giuliani is counting on Karl Rove to arrange his own appointment to the presidency. Because, you know, there's always the Chrysler Building... )
6. Hillary Clinton is denying that her presidential campaign swapped cash for an endorsement from South Carolina's influential black Senator Darrell Jackson. (Clinton needs to worry about neglecting to deny that she supported the Iraq war - if she won't at the very least apologize to the American people for refusing to witness the coming train wreck... )
7. Make Me A Coffer I Can't Refuse: What does the Bush budget mean for Native Americans? A royal screwing unless they pump some more of that casino money into Republican coffers...
8. This is it! This week Defense and Prosecution in the Scooter Libby trial will sum it all up. And there is plenty of material that will no doubt be left unsummed...
9. Congressional Democrats folded like an Origami expert, on spending for the Iraq war.
10. Arizona Senator John McCain says Rumsfeld will be remembered as one of the worst Pentagon chiefs in American history. (And McCain will go down in The Annals as one of the biggest sell-outs... )
11. Condoleeza Rice is in the Middle East today to hold talks with America's "Arab allies." (Translation: America's petroleum business partners) These "allies" are "alarmed" by Mahmoud Abbas' new power-sharing pact with Hamas militants. (And Rice must be "alarmed" at any sign of resolution that might strengthen Palestinianss hand in the region's on-going game of heavily militarized Texas Hold 'Em... )
12. Three Iraqi police officers have been cleared of allegations that they raped a Sunni woman. Instead they will receive rewards. (See? Iraq is getting more like America every day, in every way... )
13. The UK's impact on global warming has been massively underestimated.
14. European Union environment ministers say they, on the other hand, are going to cut CO2 emissions 20 percent by the year 2020. (But really, when you look at the situation, by that time the oceans will be at a standstill and the resulting 'extreme weather events' will take care of large swathes of the major polluters' industrial infrastructure.)
15. The Nigerian parliament is holding hearings on anti-gay legislation.
16. In Baghdad today a suicide bomber struck a funeral procession, killing at least seven people - presumably, not counting the main participant.
17. India and Pakistan say that the recent train bombing that killed more than 65 people won't derail on-going peace talks.
18. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says that his nation is more than willing to cease its nuclear enrichment program - as soon as Western nations do the same. Seems fair to me...
19. And finally: Police called to a Long Island man's house discovered that the occupant - who had been dead for over a year - mummified in front of his telly. (Moral of the story: No one ever said, lying on his or her deathbed, "I wish I'd watched more television.")