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0126 am 'Get This' news

Summary of the KBOO am newss for Friday, January 26th, 2007.
01/26/07 Get This
sui generis

1. In Oregon, legislators on both sides of the aisle agree that spending more on education would benefit the State's economy. And they agree that giving corporations a retroactive "kicker" tax rebate does almost zilch to grow jobs and income. Alas, due to poor educations, many Oregonians are unaware that they are being done up the bum by corporations... .
2. The Port of Portland wants to hear from you regarding changes at PDX. (A McMenamins, perhaps? The airport is the only place that doesn't have one... Or perhaps a Xanax dispenser... .)
3. Democratic Representative Earl Blumenaur has a plan for getting most of the troops out of Iraq within a year - it's going to take a while longer to get them out of the military altogether, but it's a start... Blumenaur wants "the responsible redeployment of US forces from Iraq to be completed within approximately one year".
4. The Flir company - an Oregon-based defense contractor - is being sued by its shareholders for back dating stock options... ..As are about 200 other companies nationwide (But don't get nay fancy ideas. You had to get in on the ground floor... .)
5. Recreational planner for the Willamette National Forest have announced a proposal to begin charging fees after improvements are completed at six forest sites. (A better idea would be a simple environmental intelligence test that would exclude people who wanted to ride ATV and/or let their dogs chase what's left of the fauna... .)
6. Until last autumn, Western states had a federally funded program that provided money for rural counties and schools. Congress failed to allocate the funds, then along came Christmas... .But now a bipartisan coalition of West Coast Senators is trying to reanimate the Timber Funds. (Would that we could reanimate the Timber)
7. Idaho-ho-ho's Governor 'Butch' Otter wants to build more dams on the Snake River - and keep the existing ones. His idea is that this is going to recharge the dwindling Eastern Snake Plane aquifer.
8. This Laundry Is Killing Me: California is going to ban the highly carcinogenic dry-cleaning chemical perchloroethylene by 2023 - so it's back to good old 'wet-cleaning.'
9. The Sins Of The Father: The Immigration and customs Enforcement agency says the deportation of a Saudi Arabian who worked for the University of Washington is a "victory" for The System". The fellow, Majid al-Massari sought asylum in the US because back home he would almost certainly be tortured as his father allegedly has ties to bin Laden.
10. Queen Of DeNile: The military has a new weapon: It's a ray gun that zaps "rioters", "insurgents", you and me... .with heat (It would probably work great for stripping paint off houses, too!). How much heat? 130 degrees, not enough to kill you, according to DARPA - just makes you feel like your clothes have caught fire. And how does the military describe this nifty little gadget? Why, it's an "active denial system."
11. Season Of The Witch: The Bush administration says it is going to cooperate with investigations on issues such as Iraq, and the treatment of detainees. But the White House says that it hopes the investigations don't turn into 'witch hunts'. (Too bad; investigators will miss their chance to nail Ann Coulter... ..). Anyway, what makes investigators believe that the Bush administration is going to tell the truth in the first place?
12. It's The Real Fink: Maine is the first state (Wake up Oregon... .someone poke Ron Wyden with a very sharp stick, or perhaps an "active denial system"... ) to demand repeal of a federal law that tightens identification requirements for drivers' licenses - The 'Real ID Act'.
13. A third soldier/murderer was sentenced yesterday to 18 years in prison for killing three Iraqi detainees. (Asked by the judge why he fired his weapon at the three men, the intrepid Private Claggett replied, "Sir! To kill them! Sir!")
14. Bush wants 'Fast Track Trade Authority." (To go with his Fast Track War Authority and his Fast Track Domestic Spying Authority and his Fast Track To Hell Environmental Authority... ..)
15. From Worm, To Butterfly: The FBI is trying to transform itself into an intelligent agency... ..I mean intelligence agency.
16. Lewis "Scooter' Libby should have stuck with writing bad porno novels and never gotten himself mixed up with that Cheney crowd.
17. Alberto Gonzales said in front of a Senate committee, "There is no expressed grant of habeas (corpus) in the Constitution; There's a prohibition against taking it away." (Proving once again that you have to go to court with the lawyer you have, not the one you wish you had... .)
18. Mohamed el Baradei said at the world Economy Forum, that an attack on Iran would be catastrophic and encourage it to develop a nuclear bomb. (I don't know what they pay el Baradei, but I could have told the World Economic Forum the same thing for a fraction of the price and without flying to Davos... .)
19. Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbass says that poverty in Gaza has soared to record levels because of Israeli restrictions and the destruction of Palestinian infrastructure. (He's right about the poverty but the main reason for it is the stranglehold AIPAC maintains on the American government and tax-payers purse strings... ..)
20. Bush wants more troops to go to Afghanistan and more troops to go to Iraq. (Which is your cue to have a look at the map and determine which country that has been in the news rather a lot recently, is between Iraq and Afghanistan... .)
21. Yet another bomb blast in Baghdad has killed 26 people.
22. A "senior European Defense Official" (Who may or may not be one of George Bush's imaginary friends... ) says that North Korea is going to share its deep and profound understanding of nukes with Iran.
23. Beirut is under curfew after days and days of violence (Which appeared to involve agents provocateurs... )
24. The head of the African Union wants more people to get troops the hell deployed to Somalia stat.
25. Ice Nine1 It's Here!: The US military is hot to get DARPA to develop a "plastic-like" substance that would produce the same results as 'Black Ice.' (This would definitely stop Portland "insurgents" in their tracks: Recent meteorological events have proved beyond a shadow of a doubt the Portlanders can't drive on ice... .)