So, I've been working on an update for the last few weeks, but as it neared completion, I recognized that it was boring, depressing, and entirely too long. I've just thrown it in the trash. Instead, I offer you the following "factoids" about the recent history of my incarceration.
1. Tiger Beat presents the SHAC7 - As many of you have by now heard I was recently moved from the Federal Detention Center to my new home at the Federal Correctional Institution. Upon arrival at my new "pod", I was greeted by a fellow inmate who said, "Welcome to the Bad Boy Unit." This was awesome to hear for one reason - I've always sort of imagined the SHAC7 as a "boy band", and being placed in Unit 3B now secures my place as both the Bad Boy and the awkward looking one! I'm sort of like a cross between Donny Wahlberg and Joey Fatone.
Anyhow, the food situation is slightly better here, but I miss my friends at the FDC and have yet to find any companions here. The reason that this is the "Bad Boy" pod is because the other people imprisoned here are considered higher security than the rest of the institution or have been caught in the past brewing alcohol, importing drugs, or beating up other prisoners. And me? I'm a terrorist, remember?
2. Books on T.V. - The big news on everyone's lips since the day I arrived was the incredible appearance on television of two pairs of breasts. Here at Sheridan, inmates are only allowed to view PG-13 movies, but through some glitch in the system, a Sean Connery/Wesley Snipes flick called 'Rising Sun' got through. In one scene two naked women share the screen simultaneously. Perhaps this was the most amazing event ever at Sheridan because no one can shut up about it. In fairness though, there are guys serving 30+ years in here who haven't seen anything more risqué than a Maxim in decades.
3. "Hey Slasher, pass me the carrot." - It's been snowing like crazy here and as those of you who know me are aware, snow is the miracle of nature I hate most. Still, all the frozen, crystalline flakes have produced one cool event here; Mexican gangsters building snowmen. It was actually very touching, sort of a reminder that childish joy can even permeate an atmosphere of harsh repression and deprivation.
4. The Hyphy Movement - In a recent letter a supporter referred to my signature nerd glasses as "stunna shades." I turn 32 this month so I was overjoyed to still be cool enough to "get" the reference.
5. Inspiration - These have been a good number of direct actions worldwide in recent months that have brought a smile to my face. I'd specify which ones, but then I might end up in prison for conspiring to make them occur by voicing support for them after the fact. Oh, wait... I'm already in prison for that. God bless the U.S.A. and all of our wonderful freedoms!
6. Death to false animal liberation - A number of people who have written to me recently have mentioned that they care for feral cat colonies. Kudos to all of you! I think it's well past the time for us to begin confronting the murderous policies of national animal "rights" groups who would rather see these animals on the receiving end of a lethal injection than in the care of compassionate activists.
7. 7/29/09 - That is supposed to be the date of my release. It sounds impossibly futuristic to me, like humans will be walking on Mars by then, but I suppose my conception of time is somewhat skewed right now. Anyhow, I hope everyone is preparing for my welcome back party. You have 2 and a half years to get it together, so I expect it to be good!
In closing, thanks again for all the support you have been sending my way. If any of you reading this correspond with my co-defendants, please pass along my love to them. And if you've written to me and haven't received a response, I apologize whole heartedly. I'm only permitted 60 stamps a week, but get more letters than I'm allowed postage! I can't write back to everyone, but please know that I treasure every letter.