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Basic Espionage/Warfare for Intelligence Agents

According to its own mouthpiece, ABC news, the Australian spy agency (ASIO) has embarked on a recruitment drive:

Thursday, December 28, 2006. 11:37am (AEDT)

"The Australian Security Intelligence Organisation (ASIO) is looking to recruit at least 170 people this financial year.

The number of ASIO officers from non-english speaking backgrounds has more than doubled since 2004, and the organisation is looking for people with diverse backgrounds to conduct counter-terrorism and counter-espionage work.

The intelligence organisation spent more than $2 million on recruitment advertising in 2005-6.

The Federal Attorney-General, Phillip Ruddock, says funding for ASIO has also increased considerably.

"I think we have now something of the order of 1,200 staff and that's double the number it had in 2000-2001 and we are continuing with a very active program that will expand the organisation in the near future to reach something in the order of 1,500-1,600 people," he said.

ASIO has finally realised it is staffed with morons and imbeciles who don't know which way their arseholes point! The number of times ASIO and its American counterpart have been led up the garden path is astounding and THAT notwithstanding the valuable information they have ignored - pure 'genius'.

To my old mate Phil (the dill) Ruddock, and his bereft staff and to all hapless public servants and petty AFP fascists (Keelty) I would offer some valuable advice, THE EXCEPTIONAL AND TALENTED WOULD NEVER CONSIDER A FUTURE IN A SOUL-DESTROYING GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENT - it just, how will I put this, LACKS flair, savoir faire, inspiration, skill, and the most important lack of all, INTELLIGENCE! [You lacklustre, lobotomised drones!]

But never let it be said that this writer only perceives the Dick Cheney "dark side" of life. The very good news is that activists, linguists, specialists, (pretend) patriots and those with tertiary qualifications, are in high demand by these inept agencies. Follow this, what better way to fight the criminal murderers that have stolen government than to apply for these positions and 'fight/subvert' from within, INFILTRATION is not a dirty word! Never forget, they are the warmongers and we are the peacemakers - ours is the just and noble cause theirs in the way of lying criminals! Apply, apply should be the buzzword on the lips of all revolutionaries and activists; apply for all the positions in the agencies and institutions - governments are wholly dependent on these institutions. The most valuable work is done from within!

We often witness masked activists throwing garbage bins and other projectiles at police; we are also familiar with the efforts of well-intentioned grannies and other demonstrators/protesters but today these tactics are almost useless, the conservatives have stolen the initiative by commandeering the mediums of information and stage-managing 'reality'. The new approach is soft, deadly, suave, UNIDENTIFIABLE BUT SUPREMELY A/EFFECTIVE.

It is the ruling elites that are dependent, in contrast we are highly mobile and free, we do, however, offer assistance to those in need, we hear your desperate pleas, Phil, and we will offer our assistance to you and every other crucial government department that exists. Our very pedestrian manners, clean skins and appearance is deceiving Phil, some of us do an even better imitation of a talking sphincter than you do, Phil! Ya just can't trust anyone these days!

We conclude with some advice for those guerillas applying for positions in public service; never be the loudest singing the anthem, be the fourth or fifth loudest, maintain your position in the top five but never the top three. I have sat on many selection committees and interview boards, always promote yourself quietly and confidently, never adopt a save the world stance, rather adopt the position of one who serves faithfully and tirelessly. When asked why you have applied focus on the security the job/position has to offer a 'nice middle class person such as yourself' - you fuckin' killers!

We are everywhere, Phil, my advice is to renounce lying and murdering solutions in favour of Peace and Harmony, come over Phil, we are waiting!

We are ONE

And we are irresistible (in every sense of the word).


Much to my personal chagrin, our legal representatives have insisted we include the notice that the above is a documentary work of fiction and has been written expressly for the purpose of entertainment.

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