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by Bill Peterson
The year is BD2020, and the world has been divided into three cultural groups, the People of the Orange, the People of the Olive, and the People of Other Fruit. Orange People almost always ride in airplanes. Olive People drive at high speed in old cars, make lots of noise, and have their women sit in the back seat. Other Fruit people mostly ride bicycles.
The leaders of the Orange People are up late at night in the Purple House. They have just discovered that the Olive People have tried to sabotage commercial airliners by spiking drinks with undetectable substances that cause severe gastroenteritis. Orange Party President George de Stump, of French ancestry, and his senior advisors are commiserating on the proper response. Mona Lisa Rye, Orange State Secretary, suggests an immediate attack on Iran, but Richard Ruby, Senior All Around Advisor, suggest following the example of the late Orange President Arnold Raygun and attack Tobago. He pointed out that President Raygun's attack on Granada, a nearby island resulted in few injuries. It did however required one tank commander to call the Pentagon via New York, from a pay phone with a credit card, to get his orders. The Orange Military won because Granada never realized it was under attack until after the Orange group had left the island.
Orange Secretary of Defense Ronald Ginfeld interjects that he does not recommend sending his military to Tobago with out proper beachwear. Orange VP Varth Dader, sitting in the shadows, says, "Don't won Ronny, I can have my folks at Hellaburbon, on a no bid contract, crank out one million swim suit at $1,000 each." Ronald smiled, and the VP continued, "I can guarantee delivery of the f**n suits within fIve years of the start of the operation, and we will write across the bottom of each suit Don't screw with the Orange Military." Orange Secretary of Health, Spike Leave-it; sitting in the outer office, stuck his head in the door and said, "Yes Mr. Vice President abstinence is the best policy."
After hours of discussion George de Stump sat up on his bed where he had been sleeping, put his teddy bear back on the pillow and said, "I don't know what y' all have decided, but you have misunderestimated if you think I am going to give up any of my twenty days of vacation plus Sundays each month." Homeland Security Chief Jack Nevertakeoffhad been called in to the discussion and quickly explained, "No change in vacation schedule Mr. President, the cause of the gastroenteritis has been determined to be solid crystals, and coupled with the recent attempt to bring liquid explosive on planes, we have decided not to attack Iran, but to forbid any solids or liquids on passenger airliners. " George promptly went back to sleep and the meeting was adjourned.
Meanwhile, in the far off mountains of Pakistan Supreme Leader of the Olive People Ali bin Ali ordered his Masquerade Coordinator Ali bin Sa'ud to turn off the virtual mountain cloaking device so two visitors could find the entry into the mountain. The two visitors Ali bin Jamil and Ali bin Jaber were ushered into the large comfortable conference room. Deputy Supreme Leader Ali bin Bakkar informed Supreme Leader Ali that Ali and Ali had some important new ideas. Defense Leader Ali bin Abdullah and Communication Leader Ali bin Nasser also joined the meeting. The Supreme Leader took his place on the carpet and said, "Praise be to Allah, give us your news Ali. " Where upon everyone looked at each other. After some confusion visitors Ali and Ali informed Supreme Ali that they had discovered a way to
make clothing explosive.
Flash forward a few months to the conclusion of a Purple House meeting. Orange President de
Stump, pounding on his desk, declares, "Y'all know what to do, attack both Trinidad and Tobago, and on passenger airliners, no solids, no liquids, and no clothes!!"
This brought rejoicing among many of the Other Fruit People such as Africans who thought
clothes unnecessary, and Asians who didn't like airplanes.

address: address: Vancouver

fruit indeed 12.Aug.2006 23:24


what's black and white and red all over?

The Bush team foreign policy