George W. Bush's resume
author: not a jane dough
Resume of George W. Bush (and it explains Stephen Harper's
infatuation with his hero)
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RESUME
GEORGE W. BUSH 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington , DC 20520
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE
LAW ENFORCEMENT
The police arrested me in 1976, in Kennebunkport, Maine, for driving while
intoxicated. I pleaded guilty, paid a fine, and my driver's license was
suspended for 30 days. My driving record from Texas has been "lost" and
it is now classified.
MILITARY
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and then went AWOL, because I loved
to party. I refused to answer questions about my drinking and drug use and I
refused to take any drug tests. With my Daddy's help, I became an officer in
the Texas Air National Guard and avoided going to Vietnam.
COLLEGE
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.
I also went to Harvard.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE
After I lost my campaign for the U.S. Congress, I started the Arbusto Oil
Company in 1975, but all I found were dry drill holes. I sold all of my stock
before the company went bankrupt.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team using tax money, and it was a
profitable investment. With help from my Daddy, and my friends from
Enron and Halliburton, Ken Lay and Dick Cheney, and other friends, I became
the governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS
I made new pollution laws in Texas for the power and oil companies, and
other corporations. People are now claiming that Texas is the most
polluted state in America.
When I was governor, Houston bumped Los Angeles and became the #1
polluted city in America.
I gave huge tax cuts to the rich, and emptied the state treasury by
borrowing billions of dollars.
When I was governor, I executed more people than the rest of America.
With the help of my Daddy, my brother Jeb, and my friends on the
Supreme Court, I was made the President of America.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT
I became President, and I have a criminal record. (like previous presidents).
My wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are costing the U.S. over 1 billion dollars
a week.
I emptied the U.S. treasury and spent the money on my missions.
I gave America the largest deficit, more than other presidents did.
My policies resulted in the most bankruptcies and foreclosures
across America.
I was responsible for the sharpest decline in the U.S. stock market.
Over 2 million U.S. citizens became unemployed after my first year as
president, and hundreds and thousands are continuing to lose their jobs.
My administration has the richest members (like other administrations),
and the pauper in my cabinet, Condoleezza Rice, was Miss Oil Tanker
of 1997.
I spent most of my presidency on fund-raising campaigns, and I got the
biggest donations from corporations, more than other presidents.
My friends, Ken Lay and Dick Cheney were responsible for the largest
corporate bankruptcy frauds in America, Enron and Halliburton.
My administration, government and corporate lawyers freely used the
private jets of Halliburton and Enron, which helped secure my Supreme
Court appointment.
I have used my authority to block all investigations and charges against
Halliburton and Enron.
As president I am responsible for the "biggest energy crisis" in America,
and the highest gasoline prices.
I made new laws that allowed convicted felons to receive lucrative
government contracts.
My administration has more felons on staff, more than previous
presidents.
As president, I created the Patriot Acts and the Homeland Security
Department to fight domestic terrorists across America.
I have broken more international laws and treaties, more than other
U.S. presidents.
I refused to join the International Court, and I have made it illegal to
investigate, charge, or prosecute any U.S. citizen, civilian or
military for any action (crime) they may commit.
I have had the fewest press conferences of all U.S. presidents.
I have taken more vacation days in one year, more than other presidents.
After a month long vacation in August 2001, I was rested and prepared
for the al CIAduh attack on 9/11.
I have made America the most hated nation in the world, more than every
president since George Washington. America is the greatest democracy
in the world.
I have made pre-emptive attacks and military occupations of Afghanistan
and Iraq. I have plans to stage pre-emptive attacks on other nations,
over 15 million people are against America's world-wide war on terrorism.
I have slashed social security and health care for the American public,
and for war veterans, and cut the duty benefits for active duty troops and
their families.
I lied to the world about the reasons America attacked Afghanistan and
Iraq, and I blamed the lies on the U.N., Tony Blair, and others.
As president I have convinced most people around the world that America
is the biggest threat to world peace and security.
I authorized the use of chemical weapons against Iraqi civilians. I have
authorized the development and production of mini-nukes and large bunker
buster bombs, as well as many other WMD's.
I never had a plan to catch Usama bin Laden. (He had nothing to do with
9/11, and neither did Saddam Hussein).
RECORDS AND REFERENCES
All my records and papers from my term as Texas governor are in my
Daddy's library, sealed and classified.
All the records and evidence about my bankrupt companies and my insider
trading are in Daddy's library, sealed and classified.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or Dick Cheney, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I am a member of the Republican Party.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN THE 2006 MIDTERM ELECTIONS. PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
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