BREAKING: Another Terrorist Plot Thwarted!
Dateline: 12/Jul/2006, ABTS Reports
Earlier this morning the Bush administration announced that a plot by a suspected terrorist cell operating in Hollywood, California was thwarted by the Department of Homeland Security as numerous agents infiltrated and then raided the terrorist clown school "Yellow Bananas" which authorities say has been on their watch list for the past six years.
"The threat was real. Our very way of life was in jeopardy again," said Special Agent Michael Foadster, Regional Commander of the Specialized Terrorist Branch of the Department of Homeland Security, Los Angeles Office. "The plot involved precious bodily fluids and was focused almost entirely against our nation's children."
The news comes on the heels of a marked increase in terrorist activity within the United States, terrorism which culminated in the arrest of seven desperate and deadly Al Qaeda operatives in Miami, Florida which Federal agents joined, funded, and motivated into talking vaguely about blowing up buildings somewhere.
"This latest series of arrests vindicate our agency's inexcusable budgets and the Bush administration's nullification of the Constitution and America's Bill of Rights," added Foadster. "These threats and our ability to cope with them undeniably vindicate the nation's rise of fascist totalitarianism and denial of every poor and middle class American's rights, freedoms, and liberties."
Civil rights groups were quick to condemn this latest series of raids against America's enemies. The Los Angeles chapter of the ACLU was strong in its condemnation. "This was a clown school, for god's sake!" stated terrorist collaborationist Professor Librits, attorney for the local traitorous ACLU offices. "Forty heavily armed Federal agents kicked in the doors of the class room while pointing fully automatic assault weapons, throwing in dozens of flash grenades and tear gas canisters who then proceeded to beat and kick students sitting at their desks learning about performance arts!"
Agents refused to comment on the specifics of the charges and allegations against the suspect terrorists, referring instead to the fact that all of the suspects who were arrested in this incident have dark skin.
This damning evidence was confirmed by long time area resident Cindy Braun, resident of the apartment complex located next to the terrorist cell's building. "We had no idea and were as surprised as anyone," she told this reporter. "When the terrorists were dragged out into the street, you could tell they were dark. I mean you could tell just by looking at them."
In all 19 terrorists from the clown school were captured, several sustaining serious injuries as they fought the arresting officers and otherwise tried to escape. Later Professor Librits was taken into custody and charged with aiding America's enemies, evidenced by his public admission of guilt in his statements to this reporter.
The jubilation within the Homeland Security Department at yet another threat to our way of life was heartfelt. In follow-up telephone calls, Agent Foadster reiterated the importance of these arrests. "This Republican Conservative Christian administration continues to keep Americans safe from those who would destroy us. Voting against Republicans is a vote against America and it is every American's duty to join in the war against terror."
Attempts to locate Professor Librits later in the evening for further commentary were unsuccessful. A spokeswoman for the Central Intelligence Agency reported that the Professor was probably flown to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba where he's being questioned about his role in this latest Al Qaeda terrorist cell.