An Open Letter To George W. Bush
Bush's national popularity poll.
Dear George W. Bush,
I am writing this letter in reply to the questionaire you sent asking me to evaluate your performance in the White House.
Here are my answers to your questions.
You are a chronic liar and a whiner. You are a legend in your own mind. You are a blubbering fool. You are depraved, obnoxious
and degenerate. You are a spineless little jellyfish and you have bad breath. As they say in the West, you couldn't pour piss out
of your boot, even with written instructions on the heel. You are like a carbuncle on my ass -- a sore that won't go away.
You are a coward and a fraud. I would rather kiss a steaming pile of buffalo
dung than to be seen with you. You are like a discarded bag of used kitty
litter. You are pathetic. You are an arrogant and narcisstic little twit. Just
knowing you exist makes me want to take showers more than usual.
You are a squirming little maggot. I despise everything about you and every-
thing you stand for. You are malodorous.
You spread sorrow and misery everywhere you go. You are a putrid cancerous
mass. You are deserving only of the deepest contempt. You are like a pig
grunting happily in a pile of shit. Your eyes are narrow and you are a weasel.
You are as appealing as a kleenex-bound loogy. I will never get over the shame
of belonging to the same species as you. You are revolting. You are like the
hairball my cat coughs up. You are like a bathtub ring. You are like a lingering
fart that I wish would just go away. You stink.
You are like the mold on over-ripe fruit. You are a cartoon caricature of a
genetically deficient knuckle-dragging neanderthal. You are like a persistent
weed and a creeping fungus. You are like feces smeared toilet paper, no longer useful and worthless. You are obnoxious and ridiculous. You are like an
annoying gnat. You are like the hemorrhoid that requires Preparation H Ultra.
You have the personality of a mannequin. You are like used coffee grounds,
less than nothing and worthless. You are like a discarded pampers diaper.
Your head is a meaningless void and you are a living emptiness. You reek.
You are as popular as an infestation of crotch crickets. You are a malformity,
an imbecilic mutant troll, given life by those sneering, drooling ogres -- who
should be severely punished for what they have created. You are a waste of
flesh. You have no rhythm. If you are not really an idiot, then you have given an
Oscar-winning performance pretending to be one. You are wearisome,
predictable and transparent. Even blind people can see through you. And did I
mention that you smell?
Your life is a monument to gross stupidity. Most people know how incredibly
stupid you really are. So stupid your head hurts. Stupid like a dehydrated rock.
You transcend the meaning of stupidity. The black hole of stupidity so dense
that nothing can escape it. Out-in-the-desert-sun-too-long stupid. The twilight
zone dimension of stupid. Mega-stupid. Milky Way stupid. You give off more
stupidity in one minute than the rest of the world does in a year. Maybe it's a
throwback to neanderthal stupid. Or maybe an essence of stupid so pure that it
transcends all understanding.
You are an irritating and disgusting little fool. Do you really think your delusionally self-important statements (scripted by others) have anything to do
with us? Your frequent clamorous tantrums show your pathetic constant need
for personal attention. You look like you were weaned on sour pickles, you are
dour and penile, you obsessed two-fingered, left-handed nose picker.
On the best of days you are a half-wit. You have the intelligence of a sack of
turnips. You have no positive qualities of character. You remind me of a drooling, slobbering rabid dog. You are the source of everything unpleasant.
You have the consitency of quicksand. You are as appealing as a garden slug
and as welcome as a mother-in-law. You are so despicable, you have to look
down to look up for respect. You are dank and dirty, cockroaches look down on you.....and even suzie blow-up wouldn't have sex with you.
Your questionaire was an exercise in futility, but I trust that my answers will
be helpful in determining your national popularity.
P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome,
despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless,
idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial,
fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking,
devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased,
suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim,
unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive,
abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally no good.
add a comment on this article
add a comment on this article
discussion from this article