Maybe it was the celebratory glass of champagne I drank tonight, but I laughed my ass off after reading about this in The East County Gazette. Thank God for the small town monthly rags! This story alone is worth more than a month's worth of the Oregonian.
Police Log - Sandy
December 14 - Ofc. Ferrill responded to a call from D. Woodcock concerning a missing yard ornament (see related story on Frosty Kidnapping).
Frosty the Snowman Kidnapped for Ransom
On December 14, Sandy police officer Craig James Ferrill was called to the home of D. Woodcock to investigate the theft of a snowman yard ornament. Ferrill found a large white envelope, addressed to "XMAS LIGHT PEOPLE", in the hands of a nearby Santa Claus yard ornament.
"In the envelope was a photograph of the perpetrator holding what looks like a blow dryer or a heat gun and is holding it up to the snowman's head," said Ferrill's report. Also inside the envelope was a name written in blue ink and a ransom note made of cutouts from what may have been a Sports Illustrated magazine. The text of the note is as follows:
"Frosty is safe! But if you ever want to see him again, frozen or as he was, it will cost you 12 packs of Coors Light, 12 sugar cookies, and 2 candy canes, 2 sleeves of golf balls. No cheap shit or the snowman [symbol of melting snow]. I'm [symbol of fierce wolf's or dog's eyes] u. Leave these items on porch."
Ferrill made arrangements to have the envelope and its contents dusted for fingerprints and the name in the envelope investigated. So far there have been no other leads.
Woodcock is very upset and has provided Sandy Police with documentation of the missing snowman's cost.
(paraphrased from an article by Dan Bosserman)
Happy New Year and keep smiling!