Security forces first realized that there might be a problem when anonymous communiques were issued on a local and intercontinental level basis demanding a referendum on exposing Victoria's Secret on November 3rd, the anniversary of the reappointment of our great leader George "the Bush" W. Bush the 2nd. Their suspicions were confirmed when a shabby lot began hanging out in the Lloyd Recreational Zone near the Dinky Ice Rink.
"When they arrived, they stepped over caution tape like it was nothing and didn't seem the least bit deterred by the potholes that are currently afflicting our war-oriented district. They stood around chatting as if we hadn't encircled them with three of our biggest, toughest warriors," said Lieutenant Schnauser, Team Leader for Security on Floor One of Victoria's Ladies' undergarments Depot. "We were practically breathing down their necks," he added.
The sequence of events varied across the multitudinous reports, but security experts believe that the mob collectively vanished and from the Recreational Zone and spontaneously reappeared next to the Ladies' undergarments depot using a technological device called an "Escalator". "One of them ventured so far as to go into the storehouse and pick up a ladies' undergarment without permission. That's when the shit started to go down." quavered a trembling witness, who would only speak under conditions of anonymity, for fear of reprisals against his motorized vehicle, cellular phone bill, and income tax return, all of which are bequeathed by the Great Lloyd in all of his generosity.
The unruly crowd, apparently raised to anger by the woman-handling operation initiated by the mall security forces, closed in with chants and strangled curses to clash with their perceived opponents - the keepers of all that is good and right at the Mall. Storehouse workers were sequestered for their own safety behind bullet-proof glass partitions while the rabble-rousers were physically dragged away by their g-strings and halter tops, which were most likely looted from other Ladies' undergarment deports, without permission.
No one knows exactly what started the fracas here or elsewhere in the Empire, but this reporter arrived just in time to hear something objectionable being yelled about ceasing the practice of clearcutting the largest Old Wood Resource unit on the North American continent and stopping the presses that print a million of catalogs a day on deliciously pure white virgin paper for volunteer Ladies' undergarment picture assessors all across the Empire to peruse. "That forest that your Empire is abusing is one of the largest wildlife refuges on the planet and home to numerous indigenous groups of Homo Sapiens and all subjugated Canadians everywhere would like to please stop the torment and destruction, eh?" an incredibly long-winded barbarian is reported to have screamed while being leaded into a trash compactor deep within the bowels of the Death Mall.
Our undercover correspondent on the scene attempted to create a daguerreotype of the scene, but neither the unruly mob nor that stoic security team would consent to hold still long enough to make a decent exposure (with the notable exception of one rather glamorous woman-cop, whose picture is unfortunately unprintable in a family-oriented publication like this one). We will be there to provide continuing coverage of this serious matter as needed, and there will definitely be more attempts made at daguerreotyping the action.
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