Horror Story for Halloween
Once upon a time, there was a president who was retarded with religion. He was the puppet commander of the most powerful country in the world. He was also a feeble minded frat boy that was owned by some powerful corporations. He had no idea how most people lived; his dad had no idea how to buy food from a grocery store.
One day, one of the sons of the president's Saudi oil friends ordered some other fellas, who were also retarded with religion, to crash some planes into a couple of big buildings.
They were trained in Afghanistan, so the president called up the military and sent it to blow stuff up and chase people into caves. They bombed that stone age culture into a dead age culture.
When people complained, the president said, "Don't worry, y'all they were retarded with religion. D'jasee them suckers tarpin' the wimmin?"
When the time was right, the president decided to tell his people that a dictator of another country had W.M.D.s. In reality, the country had O.I.L.
He sent many troops into this other country, including army reserve troops. It was ok to send out the reserves, it's not like his country was ever going to get hit by multiple hurricanes, or anything. He had never REALLY served in the military, but he did have a uniform, so that qualified him to make these decisions.
His strategy was very simple, "GO,IN'ER AN GIT DAT OIL! YEEEEHAWWW!"
Thousands died, and the oldest history museum in the world was sacked by looters, because when they attacked this country, they only decided to guard the oil, and not the people. It was all ok, because the president couldn't see any dead people from his house, and he didn't read papers. Plus, his puppeteers made sure YOU didn't see any dead people, either.
They blew the hell out of that country, and in the end found no W.M.D.s. When he saw all the devastation he had done, he said, "OOPS! I'll get it!" and sent his VICE president, a goul named DICK, to rob his countrymen of billions of dollars by "rebuilding" it, contracting with a company that owned him, called Halliburton, at a cost of about $35.00 per nail and $53.oo a board.
At the same time, those reserve troops and regular soldiers were killed every day by road side bombs. The people with the bombs were defending their country from the same form of religious retardation that had been killing them for centuries. The president called them "Evil doers" and "terrorists."
You would think that behaving like this would get a president in a lot of trouble, and he would never be re-elected, but this guy had a smart ally and part owner...The FOX.
The FOX did a great job going all over the country, tricking people into voting against their best interests. When thousands of people protested the war, the FOX told everyone there were just a few, or none at all. When people didn't want any more troops to die, the FOX convinced them that they "Didn't support the troops." Fox also liked to call protests "riots,"
The president did his job, too, distracting people with cries of "Mushroom clouds, gays falling out of the trees and into the schools, and lets get cheap gas by digging up Alaska". He had a huge contingent of people who were really retarded with religion that were happy to send him yet more money to do the Lord's work.
When it came down to it, on voting day, the presidents friend DIEBOLD, who owned most of the voting machines, told everyone that the president would surly win. DIEBOLD is the guy that makes a lot of video poker machines, yet people took their chances. Why would a gambling machine manufacturer ever think of fooling the people?
Now the president can't get elected again, without imposing martial law on election day.
During his last election, he had a really silly color wheel hat determined when it was likely that the people he had just murdered would strike back. It worked like this: When he was down in the polls, the terror wheel of fortune would turn red, and airports would grind to a halt. When the polls were up, then people could move again.
So, the president just threw his money on the pile with the rest, colored in his coloring book and when he wasn't on vacation, and concentrated on filling the White House and Supreme Court with people who have no idea how to do the job, but plenty of ideas how to be religiously retarded.
from the Clown House
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