Deep Issues Prevent the President from Talking with Cindy Sheehan
A new technology described by the National Academy of Sciences as a "breakthrough" has enabled us to determine unequivocally the reason for President Bush's refusal to meet with Cindy Sheehan. The new device allows scientists to travel through a subject's matrix of thoughts and feelings. Using virtual reality, it makes the subject's thoughts and feelings visible, representing the otherwise invisible as geometric shapes of varying colors and textures. "Thought explorers" don VR goggles and then use a joy stick to navigate the subject's mind.
Exploring Bush's mind was an exceptional experience for our "mental-naut ", as these brave new explorers refer to themselves. "It was like traveling through the darkest void of space," reported mental-naut Fuc Ngo, the most experienced of our team. "From time to time a glimmer of light would illuminate the mental space before us but there was virtually nothing to reflect it, save for dark bat-like creatures sporting what appeared to be the powdered residue of cocaine on their snouts."
After days of searching the President's brain our mental-naut stumbled upon a small but significant memory. "It was really very sad," reported Ngo. "George W. Bush had caught a frog in his daddy's backyard. He sliced it open with a razor and pinned its stomach open upon a board with nails. The frog was still alive and squirming when his father caught him pouring salt into the frog's open wound. George smiled at his father, proud of his hobby, but his father was a bit concerned and took George to task for torturing the frog. 'Look, I want you to go to your mother and confess,' his dad said. George refused. It remained an issue in his family forever after and became the pattern for his later adult behavior, seen most recently in his refusal to confess to Cindy Sheehan."
Our explorer's next mission will be to penetrate the mind of Dick Cheney. "We've been preparing for this trip for some time," Ngo commented. "We're just having trouble finding it."