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The Bush Diary

Bush Diary - WMD's, Condy, the Pope, and Vennazwayla
Deer Jernul,

Hot Dingity! It's a good thing that my jernul is top secret.
Them North Koreeuns have No Dong missuls, and that
means my dongs are bigger than Kim Jong II's no dongs.
heh heh heh heh
Condy was referee when Paul and me were showing each
other our little boys, and Condy said I won by a head.
heh heh heh heh heh heh heh

I got a good plan to win my wars over there. I'm gonna send
all episodes of Father Knows Best for them eyerackys and
affgannys to watch on teevee. That will show 'em that I want to
be thair kind Emperor.

I'm gonna git rid of all laws for chilldrun to help Shirtoff win the
war against domestic terrorists. No kids is gonna get left behind
cuz we are gonna give 'em all anti-terrorist training. Kids is our
fyoochur, and I am really excited 'bout my Kiddie Kop Klause.

I'm gonna hafta tell them peeple in Vennazwayla again that if
they're not with the coup plotters then thair against the coup

The Pope died, so its up to me find sumbuddy else. I'm gonna
appoint Bob Saget as the next Pope. He knows what to do with
all them commie pinky insirjunts. I'm also gonna appoint Jesse
Jackson as my new ambassadoar to the Bermuda Tryangul. I
apawlojized to the Eyetalyuns for thair sekurity guy gettin'
killed, but it wuzunt my fawlt that he ignored the warning shot
to his head.

Woof! Woof! Prince Dumbo married Camilla Porker Bulldog.

If the poleece want to get more evadence against Mykul Jackson,
thay shud check his bum for fingerprints. It wuz my idea for
Mykul and the kids to play golf in the bedroom 'cause it wud
help them with prakissun' thair strokes.

Kofi and the U.N. is toast. They said I lyed again about the
weppuns of mass destrukshun in Eyeran and North Koreeah, like
Eyerack. Speekin' of WMD's, Chick Deney unzipped and showed us
his wang-dong doodle. Shazam! His weppun of mass destrukshun
is impressive. Yeah, and Condy wuz on the covur of Black Booty
Magazeen three times. I tryed to get Lorraw to suck on Condy's
toes, but she said she wodunt cuz she is black toes intolerant.

Lorraw went to Afgannystan and visited all the neet places,
like the Herat Spaw, the Wal-Mart in Kandahar, and the Kalazar
School where she read the book My Goat Dinner. After that she
went to the locul McDonald's with the troops, where she had a
McGoat Burger. Speekin' of the goldun arches, I got a grate
plan to make jobs. I'm gonna appoint Ronald McDonald as my new
Job Creeayshun Sekratarry. Lorraw said she got a toylet brush
for me to use in the bathroom. I tryed it out for a few days,
but I gave it up and went back to using toylet payper.

Condy has been travelling all over, promoting my Star Wars
anti-terrorist program. I'm doin' my part for the Star Wars
thingy by watchin' all the reruns of the Buzz Lightyear cartoons.
To Eyeran and beyond! Arnie, my faverit girly-man said Hollywood
wants me to make a movie. The name of the movie is Rebel Without
A Clue.

Lorraw had twins when she wuz yung. I'm still lookin' for the
father of the other kid. Speekin' of kids, I'm gonna get the last
laugh when I tell all them wimmin that Roe vs Wade wuz a part of
George Washington's battle plans for crossing the Potomac River.

I'm gonna help Shirtoff and the Border Patrol with the illegal
immygrunts. The United States is gonna replace the Border Patrol
and open a state- of-the-art border patrol stayshun in
Gwadahlawhairah, Mexico.

God Bless America!