Hot Dingity! It's good to be back in America,
where the peeple just love me.
The Yooropeons didn't come out to greet me
as their liberator like the Eyerackees did.
Rummy said that we kin get their respect by
making war. Chainman and Condy said we need
to show them that America is still the
number one heveewait champeen of the world.
Next week I'm gonna go on a nashnul toor to
tell the peeple about what's wrong with
Soshul Secyooraty. I gotta explain the
problum to them in simpull langwidge.
Soshul Secyooraty costs too much!
There ain't much money left in the system
'cause I spent most of it, and I cain't
wait to spend the rest of it. Heh heh heh.
Is it my birthday? If it is, I got a nifty
gifty! Hillary Clinton is my new poster
Hillary supports the law that will let me
announce an "election" in the middle of my
second term, and she wants to be my vice
Shazam! Take that Bill, you pot addict hippy!
Hilly says she likes red state meat-and-
potatos men like me, and red state meat-and-
potatos women like Condy and Martha Stewart.
She agrees with my forun policy, and she said
that the world will accept American freedom
and democracy whether they like it or not.
The world must accept our christian values,
authority, war, and money!
Hilly says fuck the UN 'cause shit happens.
I will invade Iran, Syria, Venezuela, France
and Germany because thair all terrorists.
I kin do it 'cause I'm the War Emperor!
I had to send Martha to jail to draw attenshun
away from me. Sorry doll, but I made sure that
you had a home away from home, with a swimmin'
pool, sawna, your own starbucks outlet, a home
theater system, and a direct line to my house.
I had no idea justice was so croowl. The judj
put a cruel and unyoozawul restrikshun on her,
cuz she can't fly her privet jet to the
Carabeeun on the weekends. She's gonna have to
spend her weekends alone in her house for 5
months, so I'm gonna make sure she gets a beach
and a wave masheen.
Jeff Gannon was a good reporter and he asked me
all the right kweshtyuns. I gonna get Scott
McClellan to have a news confurinse and tell the
peeple that Jeff is just a happy man with a prostate
problem, and not a gay man and a prostitute.
God Bless America!