Hot Dingity! The Chainman has finally found
someone to be my new Royal Information and
Security Minister for the Empire, John Negro-
ponty. I wuz surprised when Daddy told me he
was white. He must be one of those Black Eye-
I am writing this while I travel through my
foreign realms. Condilishus said that there
are many pagans in our colonies, so I gotta
ignore those "uncivilized Satans."
Ya caint live with 'em and ya caint kill.....
wait -- yeah, I can kill 'em. All. I'm the
Supreme Emperor! Cool!!
On my first day I wuz in Beljum. They served us
Beljin waffles and French fries. It just goes to
show ya, everybody likes American food!
Jack Shellac wuz there too, but his French ain't
no good neither. I spoke French to him, sayin'
"Par-Lay Voo Fran-See" and "Bun Joo-Yer". He
just sat there with a puzzled look on his face,
like he didn't understand me.
I went to the NATO meeting, but I had to re-
schedule it after gittin' rid of them ginruls
who are against me. Dam Terrorists! Lucky for
me that the new sooper prizon in Gwantawnamo
Bay is almost done.
On my secund day, I went to Jermanee. I met
with wutziz-name, Shroder, like that kid who
played Baytowven on the piano.
Shroder sounds just like them Natzees in the
Condy laughed at a joke I made during my
speech. I said "Euro-K!" Heh heh heh.
It gits funnyer every time I say it. I just
love that joke!
Then I went to Slowvackeeya, where them people
wuz Rushin slaves. I got out my coloring book,
and wuz colorin' them black, but Condy said
they was white. Huh? Say Whut! First it wuz Negro-
ponty, now it is the Slowveeyaks!!
I think Condy is funnin' me, so I gonna ask
Mommy 'bout this when I git home.
That stuff I said on the Weed Tape(pun intended)
about marywanna and fags, only him and me know
that it was a made-up peeare ploy to make me
look good. I smoked pot once but I didn't
inhale. Besides, COKE is the Real Thing!
Some of my best friends are kweers, like Joe
Gannon. Everybuddy loves me!
I'm gonna ignore that Coyohtay Awkord. Just
cuz them pinko commies signed it don't make
it right. There ain't no glowball warmin',
and there is still lots of oil we kin steal,
like Eye-ran and Sireeya.
Glowball warming? That's al-Cana-kayda talk!
If it wuz true, we woodunt have to watch their
I gess that we're gonna have to invade Canada,
and protect thair natchyerul resorsez from
the insurjents. Lorraw even sowed a new flag
for our new kingdom.