By Timothy Bovee
In olden days when the cavalier clowns
Came rollicking bloodily into the towns,
My ancestor gathered his pigs and his kids
And fled helter skelter into the downs.
Poor peasant. He didn't have duct tape.
When Lee and his gang through Taneytown flew
My great-great-great-granny knew what to do.
She swept up her silver and folded her silks
And buried them 'neath the light morning dew.
Poor lass knew nothing of duct tape.
When daddy looked up at the dark clouds of war
And saw the Zeroes swoop down with a roar
He strapped on his helmet and dove to the ground,
Dodging the bullets with grace that is lore.
Poor GI. No ration of duct tape.
Now violence and fear stalk the days of our lives
With gut-wrenching terror that gives me the hives.
I scramble for shelter, I'm desperate to hide.
Then I take a deep breath and give a high five.
I'm safe. I've stocked up on duct tape.
If danger should threaten,
Pull out your tape.
Wrap yourself in it
From foot to the nape.
Seal up your windows.
Chink up your doors.
Put a good layer
On to your floors.
Safety is yours
For the price of a lunch.
A sticky gray miracle,
Don't look like much, but
I can't do without it
In these days of peril.
My friend, my protector,
My duct tape.
On February 1, 2003, the Department of Homeland Security recommended "Roll of duct tape and scissors." as preparation for a chemical or biological attack.