WAL-MART IS WORKING FOR EVERYONE
Wal-Mart attempts to "set the record straight" by launching a tough-talking, no nonsense ad campaign. "As one of the world's most visible companies, Wal-Mart expects attention and criticism. When the criticism is warranted, we use it as a tool to improve the way we operate.
But when *special-interest groups* and *critics* spread *misinformation* about Wal-Mart, the public deserves to hear the truth. In other words, everyone is entitled to their own *opinions* about our company, but they are not entitled to make up their own facts." YEE HAW.
The link to the stoopid ad is here:
In the Wall St. Journal today, Biz section, C-5, there is a story on how Wal-Mart and Eli Lilly (manufacturer of PRO-I'm-gonna-kill-myself-and-grammy-and-the-dog-and-we've-known-about-it-all-along-ZAC) have both ramped up their crisis communications team to better their corporate images. I guess I just thought it was funny. Then I actually went and read the new Wal-Mart ad that they placed in 100 newspapers, full pagers, in color, to try and "tell their side"...bec. all that biz about chinese slave labor, US labor exploitation, sexual discrimination, buying ballot initiatives, forcing people onto state subsidized wel-fare programs while pocketing tax subsidies is all crazy talk. Anyhoo...the ad comes off more like Dick Cheney trying to make a happy smiley face than, oh, we really do care. But than again, their target audience is obviously the mentally deranged wal-mart consumer, so maybe this does come off positively (to someone who's crazy)...
Main Head: Wal-Mart is Working for Everyone (everyone underlined), some of our critics are only working for themselves.
Secondary Head: WAL-MART PROVIDES GOOD JOBS WITH EXCELLENT ADVANCEMENT OPPORTUNITIES TO OUR 1.2 MILLION U.S. ASSOCIATES
**This year we plan to create more than 100,000 jobs in the US. It takes a lot of *talent* to fuel that growth, which in turn offers advancement opportunity for associates who want to run some of our 58 in-store departments or move into management. (How many fucking Wal-Marts is that? Whelp, we can all git us some jobs now. Yee Haw! Advancement, shite, I am gonna git me some of that too)
**We promote from within. 76% of our store mgmt. team started at W-M in hourly positions. (Unless you've got breasts and a vagina)
**Our *avg.* wage for full-time hourly store associates -- such as cashiers, stockers and sales associates -- is *almost* twice the federal min. wage. (How liberally are they using the word almost? Is almost = $7? $8? Not to mention, you are talking about an average here, so that means you are admitting that you have a shiteload of peeps making a craptacular $5.15/hour. Wooo Hooo! Way to go W-M!)
**W-M benefits -- available to full- and part-time associates -- include healthcare insurance with no lifetime maximum. Associate premiums *begin* at less than $40/mo for an individual and *less than* $155/mo/family, no matter how large. (Notice the use of the word begin--no matter what you buy--whenever the use the words *begin at* you know that the most inexpensive package or whatever is going to be shite, like $40 package = coupons for Tylenol and a magazine that has pictures of doctors in it. Also, the family fun pack is *less than* $155/mo, so that means that the real price is $154.99. What a steal.)
**Other benefits include a profit-sharing/401(k) plan, merchandise discounts, company-paid life insurance, vacation pay and pay differential for those in military service. More than half of our associates own company stock through our associate purchase plan. (Just because a company *offers* benefits, doesn't mean you get them. And I'm sure that there are tons of rags to reeches stories from all manners of Billy Joe Jim Bobs---geeetin' reech on W-M stocks.)
**74% of W-M's hourly associates in the US work full-time. That's well above the 20-40 % typically found in retail. (Because W-M destroyed all of their competition in [insert town/city here], so that now everyone is a W-M employee! Maybe people work at W-M full time to live, versus high school kids working at the GAP just 'cause.)
**Our workforce is unique in its size and diversity -- from full-time career professionals to students working their way through college, from senior citizens seeking a break from retirement to people with disabilities. (We got the whole dang town in herr, c'mon in, the water sho is fine)
Given these facts, it is no surprise that *more than half* of the associates we surveyed said the benefits package, including healthcare, was a *very important factor* in their decision to accept a position at W-M. (Glad you can design a survey to match a talking point)
Thank you for being open to the facts about W-M. You can learn more at a web site we are launching today ---www.walmartfacts.com
PREZ/CEO W-M, INC.
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