I11/30/2004 9:47 PM
I hope I can sleep tonight. I want to make good in the world. I will make good in the world. I know that I am looked down on. I wanted to make things right. If God will help me I will make things right. There is so much I owe. To my mother and others. I will make it work out. Minute by minute.. I will make it work out. I have a long way to go. but if I take one step at a time, I can make it work.
I hope I am wrong abutting this. I hope it is just paranoiac but I think the whole world is against me. I think my family has been turned against me.
I will do what I can.
12/4/2004 9:57 PM
If there is anything I have to confess, it is that I have been an imperfect being mistreated by an unjust world, a world apparently run by some vile vicious being that has only the purpose of making me suffer for some unknown reason. Everyone seems to be in on the cruel joke.
That coward Josh Nagal did the bidding of his masters. I can only hope there is a just God beyond all of this that will punish him for his sins. There is no forgiveness for that kind of arrogance. There should be no forgiveness for the kind of arrogance that mistreats me and my family this way. I have been weak and foolish. There are worse people than I, I have met them. They should be punished worse.
I will pay what I owe even though unjust.
They are all liars and tricksters. I cannot believe such an evil world is the end thing. It is not worth living this way.
12/8/2004 1:39 AM
I was right. Josh Nagal and his bald Nazi friend are cowards and liars.
1/3/2005 5:52:04 PM
Diner time. Nothing done. I reconnected with Jennifer though. I hope things are going well for her.
I got some batteries for my camera and took some pictures for uploading.
I will have to go to Kinko's tomorrow and record them on a disk.
1/3/2005 7:46:33 PM
I have nothing to write. I shall write the same thing over and over again. I have no hope of getting my picture on line. If I do, I won't get a high score. There is m no point in my trying to look for a job tomorrow. No one is going to hire me.
They just do it to mock me anyway.
I will stip going onto hot matchup for awhile. They aren't interested anyway.
i1/5/2005 4:55:11 PM
I haven't got anything to write about. I haven't got any hopes or prospects really.
Do each act as though it were part of meditation practice.
If I had meditated since I was a young boy. Would I be enlightened by now. ?
I don't want to meditate right nowl;
1/5/2005 10:24:13 PM
I'm just siting here eating my popcorn. This specific wave of time, right noww..
There is a little road , Comodore Perry drive. It's in Point Reyes California. If you drive down this road. You will see the housing area for The Coast Guard Base CG commsta San Francisco.l
Do everything I can now.
The snow is deep and cold here and I am Lonely. I despair of finding someone. Some of these women who respond to my Site are only interested in getting me to sign up on their personal web sites for money. That's not what I'm about. I don't have anything against it, but I'm not interested in that right now. It's a dead end street. I'm tired of dead end streets. My life has to go somewhere. I must not despair.
A nickle sits upside down on my desk here. It's really my mother's desk .
I'm just a lonely man afterall. I went to the William James site today. It's still there It hasn't changed much. I like reading his thoughts although they are sometimes hard to follow.
What a fancy computer this is. I wonder why mom spent so much money on it?
I hope Brady is OK> his phone is disconnected. I need to get out and find a job somewhere. It doesn't really matter which right now except I need to get out and do something.
I don't really understand Descartes thinking. It seems to be circular sometimes.
God exists because I am capable of belivine in a Perfect Being. I am capable of believing in a perfect being because God exists.
It seems circular to me.
There's nothing out there for me. I have no hope. No one is going to hire me
I've felt this way before. I've thought this way before. Things have worked out. They haven't been perfect, but they've worked out. Other people have similar problems. There is at least one job out ther for me, and I can find it.
Nil Disparandum and all that.Never Give up. Get up and fight one more round. Puck is soft and furry. Asshole punks.
What's' with you punks. You think you have the rightr to make as much noise as you want to, and no one should complain. Small minded trash. Never act on knee jerk responses.
Viscera. Visceral responses. Sex in the city. Daydream believers.
Eigt minutes to go on my watch. Nothing much to say. Hope and dayhdreams. Hope and daydreams. Y "You are, you were you will ever be ... all as a shadow lost at seea. " And so the song is true and I am that shadow.
I don't want to be lost at sea forever. I want to find a place to fit in somewhere. Somewhere .
You'd think I'd learn after awhile.
It is rainy and cold and I am alone.
Tihis whole goddamn thing is a rippoff.
1/8/2005 2:12:36 AM
I just came back from an adventure in sex land. I went to a local strip club. The sexiest dancer I saw there would probably not get more than a six from most of the yahoos that inhabit this site. They wouldn't look beyond the surface. A lot of it depends on who's doing the looking of course. This particular dancer knew how to come on to the patrons.
After the club closed down at 2AM, and as I was driving away in the freshly fallen snow, a guy flagged me down at the corner. It seems his friend had gotten thrown out of the bar they were at and he needed to get back to Sunriver.
Now, Sunriver is about Fifty miles from Bend and this young man was in dire straits. I gave him a ride for a few miles hoping to find someplace for him to call a cab.
The smartest thing for him to do would be to stay in a motel over night and try to get someone to give him a ride in the morning. I didn't want him to stay at my place over night. I hope things turned out OK for him.
The funny thing for me about going to a strip club is that, while I'm watching these women strip, I'm thinking about William James and Philosophy and whatnot. Strange.
1/8/2005 3:29 PM
The Left-Wing Media Kicking Some Proverbial Butt...
Friday, January 07, 2005
By Bill O'Reilly
The left-wing media kicking some proverbial butt, that is the subject of this evening's "Talking Points Memo." Even if you believe the left is misguided, you have to admire the passion and organization they are bringing to their cause.
Today across the country, the left-wing media <This is just name calling. Anything to the left of Mr. O'Reilly's viewpoint is left wing. Mr O'Reilly fails to notice that most people in the country are to the left of his viewpoint, including people in the news media. His reportage is far from fair and balanced, it is so steeped in prejudice, it can't see it's own prejudice. >
in a seemingly coordinated effort,
<emphasis on the word seemingly>
attacked the nomination of Alberto Gonzales (search) to be the new attorney general. "The New York Times" ran a front-page torture story and two anti- Gonzales op-eds. "The Washington Post" ran a front page torture story and an anti-Gonzales editorial. "The Los Angeles Times" ran a torture story and an anti-Gonzales editorial. "The Boston Globe" ran a torture story, as did "The Chicago Tribune."
<None of these News sources are particularly left wing, except in O'Reilly's world view. Also, news sources are in competition with one another to inform the public about breaking news. The two subjects are related.>
In addition, the far left Web sites
<again, anything that doesn't agree with the O'Reilly view is left wing.>
took out ads that blamed Abu Ghraib (search), among other things, on Mr. Gonzales. All of this happened on a single day. Can you say coordinated attacks?
Of course, today, poor Alberto
<When he says "poor" I assume he doesn't mean economically poor, an oligarch like George Bush would never nominate someone economically poor.>
testified in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee (search). But no right wing groups took out ads. "The Wall Street Journal" defended him on its editorial page, but that was it.
The Bush administration hasn't really helped Gonzales very much either. And if you're a casual news reader or watcher, you would think Alberto Gonzales was Dr. Evil -- Mr. Torture.
<Of course Mr. O'Reilly is the only source of truth in the world.>