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newswire article reposts united states



Welcome to the website that matches you with a NEW country appropriate to your personal tastes and values! You wouldn't want to keep a spouse or a job that you've grown estranged from, and there's no reason to be stuck with a nationality that doesn't reflect the REAL you. After all, your nationality is one of the few things you can change WITHOUT SURGERY, simply by filling out the forms below, including your up-to-date passport and credit card numbers.
Common Dreams

Published in the January, 2005 issue of The Progressive

Many people write to ask: Am I betraying my country by leaving? The answer is NO, your country has already betrayed you. Maybe you grew up believing America meant bacon cheeseburgers, Martin Luther King, rock 'n' roll, and Saturday afternoon softball. But-as you've probably noticed-the operative images in the world today are Abu Ghraib, Condi Rice, and the flattening of Fallujah.

And when you first pledged your allegiance to "one nation under God," you probably didn't realize that God would be delegating much of the day-to-day managerial responsibility to James Dobson and Tom DeLay. It's America that's changed-not you!

The good news is that there are a lot more countries out there than the US media are generally aware of. France, for example, with its ample coastline and curiously creamy cuisine. China, with its fascinating blend of runaway capitalism and communist repression. Or if you're looking for something REALLY different: Ecuador, Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay, and Venezuela now all have democratically elected leftwing leaders. How exotic is that?

Note: Some of the alternative nations previously offered on this site are no longer available. A year and a half ago, shortly after Colin Powell announced that there would be free health care and education in Iraq, FleeAmerica.com heavily promoted that beautiful, ancient, multicultural site, and thousands of Americans applied for relocation to it. Since then, however, Iraq has experienced a steadily worsening shortage of viable physical structures-apartment buildings, hospitals, schools-and we have been forced to withdraw it from the list.

Also, we have taken the preemptive move of removing Norway from the list of alternative nations, despite the lovely fiords, smoked fish, and free higher education. As a small, oil-rich country, Norway runs too high a risk of being the neocons' next invasion site.

To help us match you to a country, please answer the following questions: The most surprising thing I learned during the recent Presidential election season was:

1. that most Ohioans and Floridians who voted for Bush were so ashamed of their choice that they lied in the exit polls

2. that John Kerry counterfeited his Vietnam war medals out of Teresa's melted-down jewelry

3. that so few of my red-state neighbors routinely sacrifice sheep and goats as required by the Old Testament

My primary reason for re-nationalizing is:

1. eagerness to marry someone of a similar sex

2. desire to escape all references to Sponge Bob

3. need to fill a prescription

4. concern that my children will watch a pornographic film on TV, like Saving Private Ryan

Language capabilities (check all that apply):

1. I can say "where are the restrooms?" and "I didn't vote for Bush" in two or more languages

2. I believe most people can understand English if you speak loudly enough

3. Pouilly fuissé is best served (a) on toast, (b) cold, (c) boiled with mustard

4. Prefer to abstain from communication until I have something nice to say

Tastes and values:

1. I was disgusted by the sight of Nicollette Sheridan's naked back in the NFL promotional video

2. I was sorry not to see Nicollette Sheridan's naked front in the recent NFL promotional video

3. I feel that this scandal, along with Janet Jackson's nipple, has received insufficient media coverage and that, if Scott had known about abortion, Laci would still be alive

4. The food at the Olive Garden is spicy enough for me, thank you

Governmental preferences: I enjoy (check all that apply):

1. leadership from within the reality-based community

2. voting on machines manufactured by a major contributor to the Republican Party (Diebold, for example) after waiting 4 hours in the rain

3. scientific medical care as a supplement to prayer

4. rule of law, any law

GREAT! You're halfway there! We'll e-mail you your country match tomorrow.

Of course, some of your friends and family may choose to remain behind. There are people who take a somewhat inflexible view of "patriotism," just as there are people who never give up on their first, childish, seventh-grade object of infatuation. Perversely, these diehards think it's their RESPONSIBILITY to remain in their country of origin just as it becomes an international source of terror and a mockery of democratic governance. Whether out of masochism or misdirected altruism, they feel OBLIGED to stay and straighten things out.

To them we say: Can't you take a hint? Would you loiter at a party where gross drunken acts are being performed and, on top of that, people are dissing you everywhere you turn?

We also say to them: Bravo and hasta la vista! We'll be back when you've got America, as we knew it, up and running again.

Barbara Ehrenreich is a columnist for The Progressive. She is the author of "Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America" and "Blood Rites: Origins and History of the Passions of War."
fuck that, stay and fight! 03.Dec.2004 03:19

empire slayer

they can have this land after they pry it from my cold dead hands!

Freedom or death motherfucker. 03.Dec.2004 03:52


Right here... right here. Give in to fear and leave if you want but remember those who stay and fight... right here.

bring it on? 03.Dec.2004 06:55

heil Bush!

Bring it on? LMAO What a joke!

Oh no, it's RIGHT HERE, it's on, it's waiting for YOU, it wants YOU, and the fangs of truth are ready to bite, clamp on like the pit bull and never let go.

You think your tough with your brownshirts, mein fuhrer...you think we'll go quietely to your concentration camps in gitmo...

Come get some!

Send in your brownshirts to do the dirty work, you've got NOTHING else. Your legacy is a fraud, the worst president this country has ever KNOWN, you make Nixon look like Mr. Rogers. Grab your umbrella, the $hitstorm of PEACE is coming and it will pour on your head, it will surround you, your going to taste it and we're going to feed it, by the shovelfull. Peace tastes good at the end of my squirt gun of truth. Lock and load people. Get smart, talk smart, dump the liberals...and yes, let's phuqin roll!

We don't need weapons of mass destruction like you use coward, we don't need guns like you do coward, our ammunition is your hate for America, the more you try to take our freedom...the STRONGER we get. You took an oath buddy, remember that. It's you who are the traitor, it's you who takes freedom, it's you that deserves to hear this every...single...day.

I'm waiting "tough guy". Too scared to jump? that's what I thought...see you at the hollywood show of you innauguration. You want division? YOU'VE GOT IT, we're going to serve you a silver platter of it...and we're going to serve it, with the silver spoon straight from your a$$!

Now go pat yourself on the back, tricky dicky would be proud of you.

My first conspiracy theory! 03.Dec.2004 09:22

echo echo@riseup.net

OK, here it is... this article is part of a CiA plot to convince people exile is good. I'm hearing liberals and radicals alike talk about this a lot, and it's a disturbing trend. What else is interesting is that, for the most part, the only ones discussing exile are folk working for positive change in this country....isn't that convenient!!

How come Barbara isn't talking about giving up on writing? I mean, hasn't the written word been as ineffective bringing about social change as electoral politics in america? Maybe the author should write less and rebel more...just a thought.

And finally, i'd like to add that, historically, exile of the left has been a result of successful fascist takeovers. In other words, people are either banished or forced to flee because they face torture, imprisonment and murder. While i will admit that this country (and the world if you look at the big picture) are in one hell of a sorry state, i don't think we're facing the repression confronting folk in Colombia or Palestine. As a matter of fact, american involvement in both these places demonstrates the reach of us dominance outside of it's borders (ask Hawaii, Puerto Rico, the Phillipines, the fucking globe!!). Yeah, the best place to fight the beast is from France, fer sure.

Barbara, get a grip!!

What the fuck.... 03.Dec.2004 10:36

dailygrind dailygrind@emailaccount.com

Unless this is some kind of parody, Barbara Ehrenreich seems to be laboring under some fairly heavy delusions regarding our true options. For some reason she seems to think that we're all so financially secure that we can just pack up and go. Worse, she apparently believes that the rest of the world is waiting for us with open arms. Canada fears screwing up their trade status with the US by making themselves truly available as an alternative as they did during Vietnam. The waiting list is huge and the requirements for citizenship are simply out of reach for a lot of us. And now that America's name is officially Mud with practically the entire planet, I have doubts that foreign governments are about to throw open their doors and economically-strapped social programs to thousands of US expats no matter how "progressive" they claim to be. And adding our numbers to the populations of France or Germany is hardly going to make those countries stronger and more effective opponents of American hegonomy than they already are (and that's not very). For the forseeable future, the real fight for the direction of America is right here in America.

And, just for the sake of argument, what would happen if Barbara's little pipe-dream about a progressive exodus came true and America was left with something like a 90% fundamentalist nutjob population? What would the rest of the planet have to deal with if the US went *completely* corporo-theocratic, armed to the teeth and with a REAL mandate for slaughter and empire-building? Even if there were a few million fewer of us not paying taxes, the fundies would happily pay double out of pocket to keep their beloved theocracy and war-machine intact. Despite the defeatism and handwringing, the protests and active opposition to these maniacs have a balancing effect.. less obvious at times than at others, but undeniable. It makes no sense to strip away that balance rather than fight for positive change right in the heart of the Beast.

I don't really blame anyone for *thinking* about ditching the US, but unless you're some hapless soldier with a wife and kids who is about to be sent out to Iraq so the insurgency can use your head for target practice, the desire to flee is irrational and counterproductive. Why go when we can stay and build the movement that can and will eventually put the skids under the neocons?

Barbara Ehrenreich should be ashamed for advocating this and the Progressive should be even more ashamed for running this tripe without counterbalance.

ay yi yi.... 03.Dec.2004 11:27

yanqui latina

after looking at the web link, i'm pretty sure this is satire. I get sick of the rats of the sinking ship mentality too. Any country you go to is going to have problems, and most of them are fucked up too. Might as well stay and fight it in your own country. Like i'm going to go to mexico, where the government is muy fabuloso! No problems there... what a weird mentality. but i guess if you're a liberal (and not radical) you're going to be satisfied by piecey little bits of reform, like the welfare states in europe... ever wonder where they get the money to do that?

When evil men attack my home, I'll fight for my country 03.Dec.2004 11:29

Red Card Jack Jacobyte@23.com

Firstly, of course it's a parody. Duh. Secondly, I know I'm only one of many when I swear I will not let these bastards take this land without a fight! They're empire is a fantasy, the cracks are already showing and they are too deluded to look at the truth of their rapidly approaching
come-uppance. Even old Brent Scowcraft ( Poppy's Nat. Sec. Advisor) recently warned the Vulcan's that
"you cannot accomplish everything with the machine-gun and the bomb". It's our duty to stand and fight even if it means death and torture and imprisonment. Death and etc. will come anyway, whether we fight or not, statistically the Jewish Fighting Organization guerillas who fought the Waffen SS to a stand still in the ruins of the Warsaw Ghetto had a better chance of survival than those who meekly got on the cattle cars to Treblinka and Bergen-Belsen. We have a long and strong history of resistance, Black, White, Brown, Native and Immigrant, going right back to the beginning.
We owe it to those who have gone before us not to give up. For Geronimo and Chief Joseph, Albert and Lucy Parsons, The Wobs and the Commies and the Panthers and the Weathermen, "So the stars may look down on the Earth and not be ashamed".....
Hasta La Victoria Siempre, comrades, see you on the line.

No sense of humor? 03.Dec.2004 12:29

George Bender

It's a joke. Come on people, climb down out of the trees and open up your minds.

Whoa there George!! 03.Dec.2004 17:49


OK OK, it was parody, it was satire, it got a response from people....some of it kind of violent sounding. But i feel it is a bit unfair to imply people are some sort of tree dwelling creature because we didn't "get it". That's a little harsh George, but i do feel a bit more evolved.

And by the way, the article just wasn't funny; i think it's annoying, but that's just me. Then again, i've spent a lot of time in trees.

Doesn't qualify as satire. 03.Dec.2004 19:45

dailygrind dailygrind@emailaccount.com

Given the endless moaning from my friends about fleeing for "friendlier shores", I can honestly say that there's hardly enough satire in Ehrenreich's piece to qualify it as such. There are plenty of people who will take it at face value and I expect the Progressive is about to get a hell of an earful from readers.