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The CoXuckingTyrant SUV

SUV Insanity Rises To A New Level
International Truck and Engine Corp has recently introduced the largest and least fuel efficient consumer vehicle on the planet. It is call the CXT, or CoXuckingTyrant.

It is a pickup truck built on a commercial tractor frame big enough for a 20 ton dump truck. This insane motherfucker is 22 feet long, weighs 7 1/4 tons, and gets 7 mpg on diesel fuel.

The damage this SOB SUV will do off road is incomparable.

The death toll to any other vehicle will be staggering

Eco sabotage insurance may be required.

Do folks still wonder why the rest of the world thinks Americans are pigs?

Send buckets of e-vomit to  dane.roth@ketchum.com.
new moniker 29.Nov.2004 13:19

White Lilac

lest we confuse the towering stupidity and profound alienation and insecurity associated with purchasing one of these monstrosities with the eternal pleasure of cocksucking, i propose we dub it the Colossal eXtreme Truck. ok, so that wasn't very creative, but please don't confuse the vice (CXT) with the virtue (cocksucking)--unless of course you meant the vice would be a great rig for practicing the virtue, which is probably true.


I want to know who has a garage door big enough to fit this thing under ... it's exactly 9 feet tall.

ignorant 29.Nov.2004 15:23


it is somthing beetween a semi and a pickup. has an efficient engine. most of the people who actually purchase a vehicle of that type and size have a real need for load capacity. mostly agriculture and construction.

now the H2 is a real piece of bravado it is purly looks and no function. the body is made to just look like a hummer without any of the things that make a real hummer unique.

alot of the trucks out there are wasting gas to pull around equipment that their not really desinged to carry and to get a truck large enough to carry that size load would be too big.

I suppose we neeed to pull backhoes with a bunch of bicycles on a yoke. or start enslaving horses for transportation like the old days before the car. lots of horse shit in the streams and on the streets. and dont forget the smell of methane.

anyone taken a look at the new ford escape hybrid?

"load capacity"? ha! 29.Nov.2004 16:33

this thing here

look at the picture of the vehicle.

what you're seeing is a pick-up sized bed on top of a shortened, chopped straight truck chassy.

this is just laughable.

if you want load capacity, by a fucking straight truck, a REAL god damn truck, with a 20 or 30 foot box on the back, or a 20 or 30 foot flat bed. you can haul around a whole fucking house. ten little four wheelers, 20 motorcycles. pallet loads of 2x4's, pallet loads of cmu's, pallet loads of ply wood.

but if you bought that silly piece of shit pictured above, you'd have the same power as a real truck, but no place to put anything! it's just a complete joke to me.

picture it this way. imagine the cab of full size pickup, say a chevy silverado or a ford f250... with a little red wagon bolted on to the back where the bed should be. that's exactly what this is. a stupid joke for guys who don't get it.

Hey 29.Nov.2004 16:37


You have to know that the people who actually need it will probably not buy as many of them as will asshole yuppie suburban/urban drivers. Lets face it. It's going to be the next status symbol. The marketing weasels will probably try to make it appeal to young urban drivers. Lets face it, they probably need it- it could crush a police cruiser. All that aside though, they probably are more expensive than Hummers, and that places it right in the status symbol market.

Toy From Hell 29.Nov.2004 16:53

Faux Diddley

Yet another overblown pile of shit to emerge from Texas (International's Garland Plant).

If I had stock in any business with the poor judgment to buy one or more of these "for show", I'd trade it in immediately.

I can only imagine what a thing like this would cost to maintain or repair (beyond the insurance, gas expenditures, and legal fees when the driver kills whoever he hits). Guess new owners wouldn't have to worry about looking for truck stops on the freeway to gas up with diesel . . . at 7 mpg, they won't get far from home. And if they do . . . no money to do anything because they spent it all on gas.

You can't park anything this huge in a conventional garage . . . you can't park in a conventional parking space on the street . . . it won't fit through the car wash . . . costs a week's wages to gas up . . . if it breaks down not every towing company is going to be able to come and drag it away.

Only someone with a limitless income would find this thing affordable or manageable.

NOT the largest and least fuel efficient consumer vehicle on the planet 29.Nov.2004 21:54


You said
"largest and least fuel efficient consumer vehicle on the planet"

I think a supertanker or the space shuttle or one of those giant earth moving trucks from a western strip mine would be larger and less fuel efficent. However we get the point..

Just Build Bigger Road$ and Garage$ 29.Nov.2004 22:00

morally valuable

It comes to mind that one market niche for this piece of capitalist progress is the need to haul mega mobile home 5th wheelers up and down the Interstates.

It will put the driver/owners more in the class (and altitude) of 18-wheeler jockeys.

Bloated supersized pickups (say in the Ford F-350, dually v-10 class) probably don't say as much as the CXT.

Those shiny saddle tanks: nice touch for the teamster wannabe, get to pull up in the fuel line with "the big rigs". Even get to use the truckers' entrance, showers and crapper at the big Interstate truckstop megamauls! Get to wear a big wallet tied to your belt with a big chain! Get to pull in to the PUC weigh station!

Next will come true double decker 5th wheel mobile homes--veritable 747s of the road. Upper deck observation lounge, with spiral staircase to the lower bedroom suite.

$upport the troop$!

re: NOT the largest and least fuel efficient consumer vehicle on the planet 29.Nov.2004 22:36

not me

since we're being pedantic ... the operative word here is 'consumer.' consumers can't buy supertankers, space shuttles, or Komatsu mining trucks.

give them time. 30.Nov.2004 06:10

me again

just because nobody buys them today doesn't mean they can't.

the trend is bigger and bigger. So I'm sure before all the oil is gone we will see some movie stars buying something just as large...

I just don't get it. . . 30.Nov.2004 16:54

Hal E. Burton

What strange bird aspires to be a semi- driver? Other than the CW McCall notion of a "convoy" what, exactly, is attractive about driving a truck? Hemorrhoids? Loneliness?

All these oversize vehicles say "inferiority complex" to me. . .

They Hate Us For Our Freedom 30.Nov.2004 22:44


Sit down. Move. Make noise.

It compensates for SO-o-o-o much! Fills the senses, helps avoid having to deal with being in one place--with having to come to grips with big questions.

Eh....? 14.Mar.2005 00:33


i saw one of these a few weeks ago driving up powell. i followed beside it even past my turn, just out of pure anger and confussion. what has happened to people? what does this accomplish? the "bigger is better" mentallity i can understand. people feel small and worthless so they buy some giant truck and drive around to feel important for a while. what i don't get is how some accually take great pride in the fact that there vehicle gerts 7 miles per gallon. are people so short sighted?

re vehicle effiency 10.May.2005 20:32


This absurd joke probably IS the most wasteful vehicle in existance and in defence of supertankers and dump trucks they at least do "useful" work even if you don't think that work needs to be done.
We might not truly need to move millions of barrels of oil around the world but a supertanker can at least do the job with far more ton-miles per gallon than a fleet of trucks.