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Bush arrested in Ottawa (satire. There, I've spelled it out for you)

Canadian authorities have arrested US President George W. Bush and charged with offences under Canada's War Crimes Act.

This is a satire. Or, if you will, speculative fiction.
First photo released since the arrest of the US President          (c)PKJ.ca
First photo released since the arrest of the US President (c)PKJ.ca
Breaking News...... satirical speculative fictional news.... so don't get your knickers in a knot....

Canadian authorities have arrested US president George W. Bush in Ottawa.

(30 November 2004 OTTAWA -PKJ)

Canadian authorities have arrested US president George W. Bush in Ottawa.

He has been charged with several offences under Canada's War Crimes Act.

Vice-President Dick Cheney has mobilized the American military and all border crossings between the two nations have closed.

Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin has urged for calm in a short radio and television broadcast to the Canadian people immediately after the arrest.

Part of the Prime Minister's broadcast is included here:

"This decision was not made lightly. But, it was also a decision that was impossible not to make. The United States is not outside the rule of law, and cannot expect to get an unlimited "free pass". This decision puts a grave strain upon both our nations, and I urge calm and restraint from our American neighbours, as well as from Canadians. I have met with the cabinet, and with our colleagues in the House. This is a time of great crisis for us as a nation. But as people, we will survive this test. Earlier I enacted the Emergency War Powers Act. This is necessary to guarantee our domestic security. This is not a time for panic, for lawlessness, for anything other than a responsible and sobre focus on what lies immediately ahead."

Prime Minister Martin also said, "President Bush has been arrested under the Canadian War Crimes Act and the charges against him are being processed. He is being treated in accordance with the Geneva Convention and he will be treated fairly."

Reports from the White House say there is absolute chaos as frantic phone calls and meetings are held to deal with this crisis.

Speculations on the American response run the spectrum from one analyst's prediction of an all out American invasion of Canada to a more restrained pin-point rescue mission of the President. Whatever course of action is decided upon all experts are in agreement that the war in Iraq has so weakened the American military that it could be some days before the United States is ready to field a large scale military response.

Meanwhile, in New York, the Secretary General of the United Nations Kofi Anan has urged for calm, and British Prime Minister Tony Blair has been in almost constant contact with NATO leaders and President Putin of Russia.

A Britney Spears concert which had been scheduled to occur this evening in Ottawa has been postponed. A spokesman for the entertainer said that Ms. Spears was concerned for the President's wife and two daughters. The spokesman also said that Ms. Spears would be praying for the president.

President Bush had been due to attend an Ottawa luncheon when the arrest occurred. Witnesses at the scene said that utter havoc erupted as the arrest was carried out.

Earlier in the day things seemed to be going smoothly on this first visit to Canada by President Bush. The President's private jet, Air Force One had landed at the Ottawa International airport amidst intense security. Only a few protestors were on hand at the airport to welcome the President.

Authorities had been expecting moderately sized protests in downtown Ottawa, but the fine weather and unseasonably warm temperature brought an estimated three hundred thousand demonstrators out on to the streets.

From the airport the President's motorcade drove directly to the Ottawa Convention Centre.

The moment that President Bush stepped from his limousine a group of RCMP officers, who had been standing guard, grabbed the President and proceeded to place him under arrest. A gunfight broke out with the President's secret service bodyguard. In the short exchange of gunfire two bystanders were killed and another three slightly wounded by flying debris. The RCMP were able to quickly subdue the American agents, and they have been detained in a separate facility. Separate fire arms related charges are pending.

According to Canadian Justice Department officials the President faces a lengthy list of offences.

Canada's War Crimes Act was designed to hold foreigners accountable for their complicity or involvement in a vast array of war crimes.

George Bush is being charged not only as the civilian head of government of the United States, but also as the commander in chief of the United States Armed Forces. This position could bring with it even more serious consequences, but he will not face the death penalty.

Under both Canadian and International War Crimes law George Bush is being charged with genocide, torture, murder, and the most strong of all war crimes, the crime of war of aggression.

The United Nations position on the illegality of the Iraq invasion has been known for sometime, but sceptics believed that the UN would fail to be able to bring America to account.

(photo caption)
The first photograph to be released since the arrest of the American President in Ottawa earlier. In the traditional orange prison overalls and shackles, Mr Bush seems to be glowering with anger. His name and intake identity number appear on the front of the jumpsuit.

homepage: homepage: http://www.pkj.ca

Hang Him High 28.Nov.2004 08:27


Now that the training scenarios are done, will the Queen's Cowboys be ready to
complete the actual exercise?

Mounties? 28.Nov.2004 09:03

pkj pkj(AT)pkj.ca

As much as I would love the Mounties to nab Bush the chances are that the red-serge will be wielding the usual pepper spray and video cameras wherever the protests are going to be...

I had thought about writing this piece as a citizen's group performing a citizen's arrest on Bush... but, I thought I'd do it this way to point out that though Canada does have a War Crimes Act on paper, I don't think that the Justice Minister is going to enforce it on GWB.
Why not? Well, there you go.... Laws are for... who? The weak? The weak will get the book thrown at them... GWB? Everyone's lining up to kiss his chocolate starfish...

My political party, the socialist NDP has been sending out emails this past week... not about the Bush visit.... but about a popularity contest on our CBC TV for a show called The Greatest Canadian... the NDP wanted to make sure that everyone voted for the father of Canadian socialism Tommy Douglas.... next I hear they will be working on the very important "Ice Cream for everyone" bill. I'm sickened that there is no political spine in Canada. none. unless it's on the far right.. and then there's plenty of freaky spine...

ha! 28.Nov.2004 09:57


but paul martin's more likely to get on his knees and plead "please may i lick your bootyhole, mister bush sir! please please please please!!!" Chretien would have been more like "Yeahs, i ams the bitch of you, so lets get this over withs..."

martin had ten years as finance minister of canada to do whatever it is that the usa wanted. the man has a sizx-man team training him on how to enhance his facial movements, eye and mouth gestures etc. in order to seem appealing to the canadian public

please please please please 28.Nov.2004 11:28

Teddy Ruxpin (The Lousy Typist)

I don't wanna wake up, I like it here. Bush in jail.

Must. . . Not. . . Wake. . . up. . .

Thanks for making me feel great today, even though it is fiction I can pretend.

Happy happy joy joy,

Dubya On The Gallows 28.Nov.2004 16:49


Dubya on the gallows -- a shining example where you could say that
George II is well-hung.......hehehehehehehe

Get it on 28.Nov.2004 17:47

gavrilo princip

Hunting with JC

I was out hunting with the Savior of man the past weekend in the Adirondacks. We were out for white tail mule deer. I was using my trusty marlin 3006 and the only Son of God had brought along his dad's old 30-30 Winchester.

Well, in this day and age of new fangled hunting gadgets I was kind of surprised to see the Host of Hosts shooting with such an old fashioned bang stick. I asked the Lamb of God if he made any concessions to modern technology. JC: "No Ken, I stick with the tried and true. I'm a real believer you know in, ah, the old saying if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Truer words were never spoken. The Carpenter of Nazareth used regular Winchester 150 grain silvertip rounds and that ammo has been around for about a hundred years.

Our hunting trip was a real success. The Fisherman from Gallilee managed to bag a couple of bucks in rut, and I gut shot a porcupine. Oh well, you got to laugh sometimes. The King of the Jews then asked me if I wanted to come with him and become a hunter of men. I said sure, and we headed out in his converted impala to the parking lot of a nearby Home Depot. He has this back seat that folds down and a sweet 50 cal sniper's rifle that's fitted with a 10x Zeiss... well, maybe I shouln't go into too many details about that....

But, long story short, we gotta lot of converts that day. And the Lord of Heaven got himself himself a snootful of fantastic trophies for his den.

A great weekend!

The Tyrant Is Gone! 01.Dec.2004 09:52

R. Wiesinger

Finally, the interventionist Amerikan dictator is under arrest! He won't be enforcing any more UN Resolutions nor making oil extraction safe for Unocal anymore. So, can we now ignore UN Resolution 1441 by just bringing our world police forces in Iraq and elsewhere back home to Amerika? It would be so nice to return to being a noninterventionist republic rather than this neocon/fascist empire that has been steadily building up since the days of the globalist, utopian dreamer Woodrow Wilson.

The process of International Law has been abided by in Canada 01.Dec.2004 12:02


The Arrest of George W. Bush, president of the the United States of America and know War Criminal has brought a sigh of relief to the world. The United States believing itself to be exempt from International law has found it to be otherwise. George W. Bush like other war criminals before in Nazi Germany believed that they were above the law, but at Nuremberg found out that their fate was sealed. Bush must given every opportunity to defend himself in his campaign of international aggression. But this does not mean that the court will accept his weak excuses, or lies in defending his clear-cut policy of global war crimes. His last attempt after his Iraqi debacle, was in the traing, equiping and sending of assassins to kill the legally elected President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez Frias. The attempt was a failure and Venezuela is under a democratically elected government. The attempt of George W. Bush and his regime at replacing duly elected government worldwide, have proven him to be no less than a war criminal. The control of the world will not be achieved at the point of a gun. Any further attempts by the US to change governments that are not their vassals, must be treated as international aggression.