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Hey Fuckface

fuckin asshole
Hey Fuckface. Yeah, you in the Navigator. Howz it goin fuckface? Hey, I just wanted to stop and let you know that my bike lock is feelin especially vocal today, and asked me to introduce the two of you so you could have a nice conversation. Obviously, the statement presented by the blinky on the back of my bike wasn't sufficient, seein as how you still chose to attempt to kill me with your two-ton urban assault machine. Your bumper presented a very strong argument against the side of my leg, but it wasn't enough to break any bones. Now, my bike lock is ready for a rebuttal. I'm really looking forward to seeing how this conversation pans out.

I see you got your Kerry sticker on the back of your vehicle there. Nice. Nice "Defend America Defeat Bush" sticker as well. Tell you what, though; I could give a shit who you're voting for. You know why? Cuz voting is for chumps. That's right, voting is for chumps, and if I were a lawyer trying to prove that in court, you, my friend, would be a walking, talking Exhibit fucking A.

Look at you. Wasting the very oil that Bush led us into institutionalized murder for. Polluting the same environment that his policies trash. Driving around with the same selfish abandon that characterizes his family's entire political career (including his grampa). You personify the nature of the "democratic" party: You're so busy hating everything republican that you have lost the capacity for self-consciousness. You have compromized your ideals so many times in life that you have completely become what you claim to be against. Do us all a favor and just drive off a cliff, why don't you?

The way I see it, having the democrats in control as opposed to Bush will be like having someone slowly penetrate your chest with a knife at say, one inch per minute. Personally, if I'm gonna be stabbed, I'd rather it be done quick and clean so I can set about the business of bandaging the wound and healing. What you dems seem to forget is that if you aren't living the ideals you hold, then you might as well give up.

Well, I guess my bike lock doesn't have much to say after all. I just can't bring myself to smash in your pathetic skull, much as the idea moves me. When presented with the real situation of hurting someone, it just isn't in me I suppose. Besides, you aren't worth it, you miserable sack of shit.
heh 13.Oct.2004 09:57


The Charge of the Bike Lock Brigade!

That'd get them fuckers paying attention to who they almost run over!

Hey Fuck Face 13.Oct.2004 10:33

bike buddy


Sorry about that person not seeing you. Been there, and survived thankfully.

Amazing that you can read all of that stuff about them, and you never even got to speak. Man, that has to be psychic powers or what!!!! Fabulous, just fab.

Fuck you, you condescending prick. 13.Oct.2004 11:14


If I wanted your wussy, liberal garbage, I'd fucking ask for it. Eat shit and die, "buddy". Fucking liberal scum...

Oh I see... 13.Oct.2004 11:33


I understand your frustration at idiots who drive those asshole vehicles, but this is not constructive IMHO. I had my gas tank dumped on by some asshole lefty who thought my pickup was a gas guzzling SUV. Happens to be, it probably gets better gas mileage than his car. His actions ended up my getting stuck on I-5 in the pouring rain, almost destroed the engine and resulted in me missing a case in which I was defending a woman exposed to hazardous mold at her work place. Not everything is fucking black and fucking white, and sorry to burst your bubble, but Kerry is not Clinton. When you have new Supreme Court Justices under Bush that reverse Roe vs Wade and who knows what else, we can look to your non-voting protest for inspiration.

now that I've calmed down a bit 13.Oct.2004 13:03


I apologize to whomever for the "eat shit and die" comment, that was fucked but i think its funny how much nerve people have to come try and condesend to me or tell me how "non constructive" my feelings are when i just almost got killed by a fucking idiot SUV driver. And "me" i don't knwo about your pickup getting fucked up but it was a Lincoln fuckin navigator that almost killed me today not a pissy little pickup truck. A big black lincoln navigator driven by some yuppie shitferbrains with anti bush stickers on it.

Great rant 13.Oct.2004 13:35


I was riding my bike this AM and almost collided with an idiot bike rider going the wrong way. I told him to get on the right side. I don't think he understood my language anyway.

A Navigator with anti-Bush stickers, gotta love it.

For them I welcome peak oil and crash.

fq 13.Oct.2004 14:18


okay, I understand your feelings. You have every right to them and if it were me, I'd feel the same. I'm sure that person was a shit for brains stupid ass yuppie scum bucket without a clue. I know the type, the condescending "I am such a good liberal" type, and don't tell me what type of vehicle to drive, I recycle so I'm okay. Apoligies fully acepted. I hope you're okay.

Be careful of your generalizations 13.Oct.2004 16:14

Another liberal fuck

I have a Kerry/Edwards and a Moveon.org "Nothing Accomplished" sticker on my Jeep Cherokee (SUV) because my wife won't let me put them on our new hybrid. You see, not everyone can ride a bike to work, and my Jeep handles really well in the snow when I go skiing. So I keep it. But, I did sell my wife's SUV for a Honda Civiv hybrid. So, I guess I'm just like the guy who almost hit you, but not really. BTW, Fuck you!

Did you know that Portland is one of the most bike friendly cities in the country?

might makes right. ride defensively 13.Oct.2004 17:09


I bicycle when I don't need to haul stuff. I wear a helmet, and ride with traffic. If one or both of my bikes isn't worth more than my gas-guzzling pickup, both combined surely are.
So, looking at the problem from both sides, Portland is a lot less friendly to bikes that it was 20 years ago, before the streets were so choked with suv's I can't see over them in my pickup.
So, here's the deal. Portland has become a real dangerous place to bike. Thank suv drivers, thank brilliant traffic engineers who think it's a great idea to put a bike lane between two lanes of traffic. Bottom line is, this city is dangerous to bicyle in, and right of way does a corpse very little good.
So, ride defensively. Wear a helmet. Your right of way is not worth your life. Accept it. Allow a little extra time to get where you're going, and pray that the price of gas goes up, because nothing else is gonna discourage people from buying these monstrosities and driving 5000# of bullshit to the corner store, burning a gallon of gas to buy a quart of milk.
I do notice a lot of really stupid cyclists in this city. Riding against traffic, helmetless, wearing dark clothes at night on bikes with no reflectors or lights. Riding up the hill on Hawthorne blvd when there
are good, safe bike streets just north or south of Hawthorne.
Bicycling is "right action," but the true bicycling buddha does not get self righteous about it.

Bikes and votes. . . 13.Oct.2004 20:39

Hal E. Burton

Been tagged by a car; hooped my handlebars and I got a hell of a sprained ankle. They disappeared. No charges, no nothing. Don't mix your politics with a single incident, though. Go with the party that tends to favor your values.

I agree with others prior, wear a helmet. And the analogy I always liked was that we are like deer in the cityscape. Not really seen, very at risk. Assume they DON'T see you.

one more thing 13.Oct.2004 22:55


Last winter, in the midst of the big freeze, I had a REALLY scary encounter with a ford excursion at 28th and holgate. His urban assault vehicle was so proficient in the snow that I caught him at 28th & Gladstone, got his license, called the cops, and reported him for reckless driving. I doubt they did anything-I never checked up, but it made me feel a little better to report him. I would not have tried this on my road bike, but the mountain bike's pretty good in snow-I trust it more than the truck.
Considering that foul weather's coming, it's important to be sure your ride is up to dealing with the conditions-even if it means using the damned bus, which I nearly did that particular day. Government ain't gonna protect you. Your fellow citizens don't generally look out for you. You've got to assess your own risks, and minimize them accordingly. What the navigator did was bad, but reporting him to the cops, especially if you have witnesses, is probably more conducive to changing his behavior than (counter)assaulting the sport-utility tank which makes him feel better about his small penis.
I don't generally feel too optimistic about politics, but I have the sense that the Potter administration will be more sensitive to cyclists' rights and needs than this awful administration that's done so much to destroy the quality of life Portland used to have, decades ago.
Cars and bikes really don't mix very well. It would be fine with me if the city wanted to make some streets car-free and some streets bike-free. I've been run over twice as a cyclist, with lots of broken bones and hopsitalization, and in my crusty old-farthood, I've grown a little obsessed about staying out of harm's way.

no, fuck you 14.Oct.2004 16:09


I suppose that the poster "another liberal fuck" thought that they were justifying their use of an SUV (one of the ones with better mileage than others, but an SUV nonetheless) with their drivel, but in my opinion all they did was illustrate the problem with liberals.
"You see, not everyone can ride a bike to work,"
You can sure as shit use Tri Met if you can't bike. Or, you could use TriMet AND bike.
"...my Jeep handles really well in the snow when I go skiing."
Say that out loud. Ok, ok, now say it with a straight face. So, kids in Iraq are dying so people like you can go skiing? Seriously, what is it about you fucking liberals that makes it where you can't possibly see how your own lifestyles contribute to fucked up things in the world? Runaway greenhouse effect is every year closer to reality than the year before, new generations of children are getting asthma like it's fucking chicken-pox, the hole(s?) in the ozone layer are big enough to fly a fleet of starships through, and all this is so that you can go play in the fucking snow.
"Did you know that Portland is one of the most bike friendly cities in the country?"
How does that excuse the driver of the Lincoln Navigator (far cry from a Cherokee; Lincoln Navigators are among the worst SUV polluters, and they are huge) from driving/living like an asshole?

I think fq came off kinda harsh, but at the same time, I can understand that attitude, with the amount of times I've had people fuck with me while I'm biking. I've had people pass me, and then do a right turn ten feet after they get past me. I've had people almost hit me when trying to pull out of a side street or driveway. I had one guy actually hit me while doing that (actually, it was more of a nudge, he was inching forward and looking the other way, but you can't imagine how fucking scary it is to have a car come in contact with you when you are on a bike, knowing that if you don't get their attention right then and there that you are going to get run the fuck over), but I didn't come unglued on him because he had his kid in the car with him and that just wouldn't be right. Besides, I could tell by the way the blood had completely left his face when he realized that he hit me that he was already sufficiently sorry. Sometimes you DO just wanna let loose and bust a few windows, a few heads. It's getting that part of you under control, and focusing that energy into something else that is the tricky thing.