"Unfit to be served beer"
"George W. Bush says he gave up drinking in 1986. That's a lie. I remember a night back in 1980 when he gave up drinking, after only three or four beers. I asked if everything was okay, and he nodded. Another lie, because then he threw up all over the deck. When I asked him to help clean it up the next morning, he started crying so hard that I figured, just forget it."
--Wilbur Buckley, Skipper, S.S. Xanadu
"White Lies, Purple Hearts"
"George W. Bush, a coke fiend? More like, a 'choke' fiend. In the spring of '74, we scored some killer Peruvian blow, and for the next week all George would talk about was how he couldn't wait to try it. Of course, right when we were about to get down to business, he got real quiet and started mumbling-- something about his dad, and about how his nose was feeling kind of stuffy all of a sudden.
A few days later he finally got up the nerve, but he freaked out so bad we had to give him some barbs to bring him back down. They were these little pills, Dexamyl, I think-- but most people called them 'purple hearts.' "
--Christopher Wills, Boatswain, "The 'caine Mutiny"
"Overboard... and Overblown."
"George used to tell anyone who'd listen about the time he rescued a six-pack of Budweiser when it fell overboard a few miles offshore from Galveston. The way he'd tell the story, he lunged over the side of the boat, with no regard for his own safety, and snagged the Buds with his injured hand, which he'd cut earlier that day opening a beer can.
Only, I was there, and it didn't happen that way. George, who had only had a couple drinks, bumped into the cooler and knocked it overboard. A whole cooler-- not a six-pack. Then he just stood there for what must have been a good five or six minutes, like he was trying to comprehend what had just happened. He finally reached overboard-- far too late, of course-- and then immediately pulled his hand back. Something about the saltwater stinging his "wound."
--Sonny Wallace, Skipper, "The Sonny Pleasure Dome"