portland independent media center  
images audio video
promoted newswire article reporting portland metro

human & civil rights | police / legal

My Nightmare.

Here it is, the outline of how you can throw away your entire world. I am not blaming anyone but myself for this because had I NOT done so many things I wouldnt have lost the only thing in the world that I have and means anything.
Ok this is a long one so bear with me. I was in a horribly abusive relationship from age 17 to age 25. I was step mother to his 3 boys,I had my own biological son and he & I had 2 daughters together. Six full time children by the age of 21 and Nothing in the world came before my kids. He did enough that I left at age 25 with my life, my children, and the clothes on our back. Not a single additional item and he never worked one day. Now fast frwd 4 yrs Im 29 and I recently Married my first boyfriend since ending my previous relationship. 3 yrs without a boyfriend isnt too bad for a woman who is considered very attractive & smart. I warned husband #1 " You ever touch me, You go to jail". Those are my rules. a botched surgery, severe pain and a ton of medication on x-mas eve caused us to argue about the noise level in my apartment. He threw a lighter, it hit me in the forehead and I called the police. No arrests were made because he wasnt aiming to hit me & I knew that. DHS took a report a day later *investigated by pulling my kids out of school without my consent and interviewing Us.(adults) The case was closed and the allegation of abuse unfounded. Now frwd once again to new boyfriend as of June 2003.An associate/ friend of a good friend of my family. My husband and I separated after only a couple of months of married and this friend took my by suprise. Sparks flew and I was gone! And he got the same warning "Hit me, Go to jail." Im 5'6 and 135lbs- he's 6'8 and 250lbs. we laughed when he said "Im not crazy, Im scared of you girl." I was and still am so in love with him. For the first time in my life*31 yrs old & school girl crazy over this man that makes my heart jumps. We made it through a year with some very rough spots. I can admit that love is dangerous and my expierience with Mr.Wonderfull( my abusers name) screwed my head up in ways I never knew. Jealousy, was the worst. My guy dealt with it pretty good until april 14th. 2004. I had his cell, called a number on there and shortly after recieved a call from a woman (the call was terrible) we argued, she said she was on her way to my house to get his things! Over her dead body. My kids dad is currently married to our EX neighbor- Yes he was a really evil guy! And the thought of My Man doing the things the Ex did to me over and over was unbearable. I snapped! I took out my gun and placed it under the pillows on my bed while I put on clothes to fit the occasion (sweats). She never showed but he did. My 2 kids were downstairs watching TV and when he came up I let him have it. Shocked and confused at my bumrush he asked " what the f*ck are you talking about*? I called him names accused him of cheating on me, all kinds of stuff. It was really horrible. And the worst part was when he said F*ck this, and f*ck you bitch , Im out of here. I saw my life flash and the thought that he was leaving me for HER was a feeling I never want to feel again. I honestly had to fight to not shoot him while he walked away. I am normally a very rational person,this was unbearable. Later I found out that he was leaving to go pay a water bill I also yelled at him about. I called the police to report he hit me. If he was leaving me It wouldnt be for another chic! (Thats what I felt) I told the dispatcher I cant do this and tried to hang up just as 5 PPD officers arrived at my house. My kids looked sick and I knew I was in big trouble. I answered through the door and told them everything was ok, they could go. The female officers response was "Open this door Now, Or we open it and your kids will be coming with us". I opened the door. Immediatly the female officer made me sit down in my house while the male officers started searching my house ( they had him in custody already) pulled him over down the street.She knew him from the past and said " DO YOU KNOW WHO HE IS?" I wanted them out of my house and away from my kids, so the rest of the evening was spent with them intimidating me, threatening my kids,housing & medical insurance if I dont cooperate. Im skipping alot but the end of the night resulted in my boyfriend facing 7 felony counts 5 assaults and a robbery and they charged him with assaulting me in front of my kids which never happened. My kids told them it didnt happen. Now for the good part, I got the restraining order thinking he was never going to speak to me again and at least the police will get off my back, I was ashamed and painted myself in a corner so for a brief second I thought about accepting the Domestic Violence grant and moving away so I wouldnt have to face this! One small problem, It wasnt about me. Its about my kids seeing their Mom who has raised them to never lie and cheat, Doing that in the worst way. Its about the one Man I love and that really loved me paying the price for the Loser before him. I called the DA and let him know the Police report first of all was packed full of crap I never said ( the officer made it up as she went along and because I didnt excercise my rights and cowered to her she thought I would go along with her story. The DA let me know he wanted to see me in person to go before a grand jury. I of course told him I didnt trust them, Im in criminating myself and Im scared. He followed suit and told me not cooperating would result in them cutting my housing and loosing my kids because I exposed them to DV. I had to tell the truth and never dreamed they really would TAKE MY KIDS!!! Im a good MOTHER. I made one mistake. the Grand Jury or the DA dropped 6 of the 7 charges and told me if I "Played Ball on a robbery charge he wouldnt charge me with owning a firearm" Im not a felon and I was at home. I told him do what he had to do, My boyfriend walked out of jail after two months. He being the great guy he is understood and we were going to go to counseling. That Friday we saw a DHS worker in a store, She definitlty saw us because when I arrived home later there were at least 10 officers advancing on my house while I was taking in grocerys with shotguns in hand. I was arrested and so was my boyfriend, My house ( not his address, hes not on my lease) was searched and destroyed. I was called foul names and given dirty looks, Not allowed in my house while they searched it from top to bottom and caused a considerable amount of damage. My kids were placed in a dhs car and driven off without so much as one of them handing me a business card. That was July 9th. The caseworker assigned to this case stood up in front of the judge and recommended that my kids be placed in foster care because they were around a loaded gun *I owned it for a year and they never saw it once & I had a gun lock* Now the police took the gun on april 14th- my kids were taken July 9th. And he stated I have had a string of violent relationships. NOT TRUE!! My kids have been in foster care since I have been allowed to see them for one hour one time. The worker is a friend of the abusive Ex and intentionally sabotaged anything to do with me. I have proof but DHS could care less. My Attorney told me not to fight them and this will take a year to clear up or more. DHS has made 3 phone calls to me but has yet to talk about any sort of plan for me, I cant get the worker to do anything but he's been allowed to tell my daughter if she wants to come to me she is going to have to have to say she wants to live with dad. ( My baby is calling me crying telling me to please not let the worker talk to her because she knows that he tells her dad stuff and her dad will get mad and she will be in trouble) I am not allowed to contact their attorneys to tell them to protect my kid from this asshole. And I just heard from the New Worker that the DA wont allow my children to be placed with me until I get the restraining order Re-Issued ( I had it entirely vacated) You could hear a pin drop when I asked the worker why is the DA telling you what to do with my DHS case? He made good on his threats I guess. Please tell me who can help me if you can, They cut off my income ( broke my neck and got help from the state) I will homeless this month and worse I will be without the people I love. My Kids <<Foster Home My Boyfriend << Jail for this.

You dont know unless you 've been there. 10.Aug.2004 23:35


This woman isnt asking for any one persons sympathy or charity. We are all imperfect humans who diserve justice when it is due. This woman is a mother, a sister, an auntie, a cousin, a daughter and a friend to more than one of you who read this. Stop judging her, stop acting as though it couldnt happen to you, or hasnt happened in your family. The fact is the Portland police department, and detectives acted swiftly because several years a case was opened, and they have simply failed to close it. Now people can we please help an innocent family come back together. If it was you, you would want your fellow citizins to hear your voice and help fight this injustice to a mother and her children. Can we please stop higher authority abuse and manipulation. It wont happen over night, or with just one person. Please make a call or write letter not just for this one person, but for every mother, daughter, cousin, auntie or friend.

I read every word 11.Aug.2004 00:05


Your abusive relationships did not start at age 17.
They started at your birth.

Read the story you yourself wrote.
Ask your self, who would write this?
The probability of your answering honestly is very close to zero.
The probability of your seeking honest therapy is very close to zero.

I am asking for that miniscule possibility.
Find yourself some therapy that asks
NOT what happened to you, you poor innocent victim?
but what did you do? Why did you do that?

The you who you are now will never see your kids again.
The you who you can be might.

Work hard. Work honestly.
Luck will not help you.

No Sympathy 11.Aug.2004 00:11


I have no sympathy for this idiot. HOW many kids? And you lie to the cops about being abused, after a (now questionable) history of abuse, because you are jealous?

You are dispicable, and to the above poster, this goes waayyyy beyond bad judgement.

I'm glad they took your kids. Maybe you can go call up CRACK and get yourself a hotel room with their Sterilization Grant.

I dated a woman like this 11.Aug.2004 02:08


I dated a woman who was remarkly like the story posted. Pumping out tons of babies (five in total I think), addicted to meth, shacking up with several abusive boyfriends and husbands. I let her stay at my place for 3 weeks. Treated her better than anyone has. She just disappeared on me one day, probably got thrown in jail, maybe dead on the side of the road. Who knows? Never once in the time I knew her did she admit responsibility or look closely at her own choices. Everything bad that happened to her was someone or something else's fault. The Republicans, for all their faults, at least have one thing right: self-responsibility is important!

one thing right in theory 11.Aug.2004 02:48


Of course, the republicans are incapable of practicing what they preach, just like the democrats. So it's merely meaningless rhetoric. Nothing to get excited over.

DHS=sticky 11.Aug.2004 08:18


Even though this person made some SHITTY decisions, the end result of having lost her kids to the Department of Human Services/Child Protective Services/whatever they call it now (DHS/CPS) (assuming every word of this story is true and nothing has been conveniently left out) should not have happened. DHS/CPS is a notoriously sticky organization. Once they're on you - regardless of what really happened - they are on you like bark on a tree. There is no such thing as an innocent person in the eyes of these people, and people have gotten killed over false/mistaken child-abuse calls. I don't know of a solution, but I do know that the story this person has presented here - all judgement aside and regardless of whether or not it's the whole story - is entirely too possible.

this is fucking bullshit i waited to read my post yesterday 11.Aug.2004 10:05

you fucking leftist nazis

so yesterday i commented on this article. then i waited for it to appear. it was the first comment.

it talked about how this idiot shouldnt wave guns in her lovers face, about how she shouldnt fucking lie to cops to get someone in trouble.

more importantly; it said no fucking sympathy and less baby factories, please.

who the fuck would censor me?

why the fuck do you delete comments?!

seattle indymedia did the same thing when i wrote about masturbation in regards to their naked bike ride.

are you all fucking stalinists or something? this is total bullshit.

so censor this shit again..

If you are getting censored repeatedly 11.Aug.2004 10:31


...at more than one different site, then maybe the problem isn't them. I mean, when a problem keeps happening over and over in different situations, the cause of the problem is usually the thing that is the same every time. In your case, could the problem perhaps be your sexist attitude? (condoning/encouraging violence against womyn is pretty inflammatory and a surefire way to get deleted/composted from even mainstream sites, not to mention more liberal/radical ones like indymedia)

i suppose thats exactly what it is 11.Aug.2004 11:03


good point; all the censored posts i made WERE misogynist. its all clear to me now.

i guess my mother being addicted to crack cocaine didnt help.

thanks clay.

but nonetheless loaded guns in my face may still cause violence. 11.Aug.2004 11:20

same loser.

for some reason i still feel that its reasonable to condone violence in the case of someone defending themself from someone else who has a gun pointed in their face; womyn, man, women, boys, the elderly, the physically handicapped all place themselves at risk by pointing a loaded gun into someone elses face and not firing it.

does that make me a horrible person, that i see it as acceptable to injure someone who puts themself in the position to kill you.

maybe im just a violent maniac; maybe that will help me live longer. maybe itll get me killed. i did talk about her catching a split lip, which was probably what did it(the censorship)

and this guy must have had some heart to turn his back on you with your gun pointed at him; you nearly killed this guy.

one more thing: being someone who accepts violence in certain circumstances i see no problem with a woman/yn using violence, yea, even guns to prevent herself from being beaten.

no problem 11.Aug.2004 11:22


Good luck healing from that. I hope it works out for you.

Nowhere in the story is there a mention of a gun being in anyone's face. 11.Aug.2004 11:33


Except for the part about the cops with shotguns. Maybe you got censored because you were being inflammatory about something that didn't happen. She says that she put the gun under the pillow, and that she restrained herself from shooting him as he walked away. From the tone of the article, it sounds like he didn't even know she had taken the gun out. I know I sure as hell wouldn't turn my back on a loaded weapon, especially if it was being held by someone with whom I had a relationship.

then again 11.Aug.2004 11:43


I've seen worse here that got left up. Maybe it's the language you used. When you walk in all judging and cursing and yelling right off the bat, being completely callous and irrational, it tends to provoke a negative reaction. People don't want to see that shit! I'm not for censorship of everything, but I also don't want to see an article get hijacked by a bunch of one liner comments that have no thought put into them and their only purpose is to dis the person who posted the article. That's what I saw before they got composted, and I'm quite frankly glad that those comments are no longer there. Now that you are actually talking like a respectful human being, there can be some actual conversation instead of nonproductive yelling and name calling. This isn't the Jerry Springer show, after all.

As to your hypothetical comment about injuring someone who is pointing a gun at you: I don't think it's a good idea to attempt to injure someone who is pointing a gun at you, as that would probably tend to get you shot, and once the person no longer has an intent to point the gun at you or shoot you with it, then any injury to them would be pointlessly violent, and could lead them to retrieve the weapon and shoot you. If you find yourself in a violent situation, nine times out of ten the best way out of it is to de-escalate it with calm, quiet words and no sudden movements, and violence is a sure way to achieve the opposite of that.

to be honest... 11.Aug.2004 12:06


i suppose it was the harshness of my language.

ive had someone get their pistol and chamber it, and turn the safety off, and then place it to my forehead.

as you suggested; i spoke in the calmest tone possible. but i challenged the person; and looked into their eyes... "are you gonna do it or not?" it was a gamble to test the person with my life, but it was enough to bring the situation to an immediate head, my 'friend' immediately took the gun off of my brain.

and i didnt attack. the fool never put the gun away!

maybe its true, i ranted all over this thread.

maybe its just introspection i needed, maybe i was just entertaining the thought of vengeance; still emotional about my own biz and wanting to vent it into someone elses situation.

maybe its just that im too eager to comment without alot of thought... but thats suggesting i can think this much by myself if i was to not do that.;)

wow 11.Aug.2004 13:15


Well, thanks for being honest. It sucks that you've had a gun pointed at you, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's happened to me as well (I found out later that it was "just" a BB gun...ha!), and it's hard to imagine what that feels like for someone who hasn't been in that situation. It's like suddenly this other person is in complete control of whether you live or die, and you don't know what you can do or say to influence their decision, or if in fact there IS anything you can do or say.

I guess the biggest thing here though is that it's like, this womyn had her whole life destroyed, due in a large part to her own actions, but also in a large part (if we are to believe what she says) to the ways in which the system we use to govern people can be subverted by individuals with ill intent, and individuals who lack compassion or the ability to reason. She freely accepts blame for the situation (and taking her at her word it sounds, in fact, as if she is accepting too much of the blame), and only posts this story as a...idunno. A warning? A word to the wise?

She says she had 3 kids by 21. Wow. That means she couldn't have been more than 18 years old when she had the first one, probably though she was only 17. That's rough. It says volumes about how female persons are raised in our society. You callously dehumanized her by calling her a "baby factory". The ironic thing to me is that most womyn in this country are RAISED to be "baby factories". They are told from the time they are old enough to understand it that they are supposed to wear a dress, get a boyfrined, marry him, and have babies. Some of the more liberal (and usually middle to upper class) upbringings include things like finishing school, but these are anything but the majority, and the fundamental expectations are the same. So how can you criticize someone for simply conforming to what they were programmed to do without attempting to address the root of the problem? I don't mean that as a rhetorical question, either, and I'm not trying to talk down to you or perpetuate a flame war. I sincerely want to know why you harbor such anger for this womyn who you (presumably) don't even know?

This whole society 11.Aug.2004 15:02

Red neck

"This whole society is like one huge Jerry Springer show, it's totally sick" -Valdas Anelauskas, former anti-Communist dissident.
And some of these comments sound like Springer's audience.
There's a bubba in every Amerikin, get a job, get therapy, get lost.
This is what they do to poor people in America.
For the one who suggested therapy, I think you need therapy because your living under the delusion that this is a sane, civil, functional society. Work hard, very hard.
" America is a mistake, a giant mistake!"--Sigmund Freud
If you read one book about America read this one: 'Discovering America as It is'

In Oregon.. 11.Aug.2004 15:50


You may kill someone legally (only) if:

They are about to enact or are enacting grevious bodily harm upon another,

They are killing or about to kill another,

They are burglarizing a residence.

So, if someone points a gun at you, and you have reason to believe it's loaded, you, or anyone else who's around can kill them.

ALSO, it is illegal to even point a gun, loaded or not, at anyone in Oregon.

Go look it up the ORS, if you don't believe me.

I believe you, but nobody is pointing a gun at anyone. 11.Aug.2004 16:35


So why did you post that? What does that have to do with anything?

miracle or accident? 12.Aug.2004 08:07


i was an accident. sure mom loved her kids, but we were born into her whole fucked up world. my intent is to discourage people from wanting to bring kids into violent, drug infested relationships... do i hate this womyn? no. do i hate her behavior? much more so than i could ever say to a person in real life.

i commented on someones ability to mother once in real life(as i had seen her baby swig both tequila and vodka before 4) and she blew up in my face screaming and her boyfriend asked me to leave. they never liked me and always thought i was trying to upstage them by spending time with their baby when i visited.(upstage?! baby was neglected!!)

i dont think kids need to be in crazy environments; and the actions of the author of the article were foul enough in my opine to warrant a litany of insults.

of course womyn are encouraged by the status quo to breed... but on the same token, dont be mad at me for not bucking the status quo and watching the mike hunt show here in seattle (pornography) or dont judge me if i see your breasts before i see your eyes; i mean; ITS ONLY THE CULTURE AND NOT THE PERSON RIGHT? (which i do kind of agree with... but i dont think people can be totally blameless for what they do either.)

so yes im callous. and so is someone who admittedly cries wolf to the police to damage what seemed to be the only decent relationship she had formed with a mate in a long time.

i feel kinda dense for misreading the article and your name; but i dont feel remorse for anonymous insults directed at people who at the very least need to sit back and think a lot about where their life is going.

will i work on my sexist attitude? definately; in part because folks like you remind me of my bad smell when ive long forgotten...

plus if im ever gonna find a cool girlfriend i have to get over this whole control freak / dictator in relationships thing i learned from my pop.

Don't blame DHS 12.Aug.2004 10:27

Mess Cleaner

Don't condemn DHS workers if you haven't been in their shoes, they deal with all the horrific crap irresponsible and screwed up people serve up and that the "good citizens" want to ignore. They may make mistakes but they are human and hearing every day about kids and seniors and disabled who get pummeled and abused makes you a bit suspicious and cynical and burnt out.

re mess cleaner 12.Aug.2004 17:13


I understand what you're saying, but it sounds a lot like the justification used when cops beat people up: "oh, they're under a lot of stress, and they deal with the most vile section of society, so it's only to be expected that they're going to be mean and beat people up once in awhile..." Just because it's true don't make it right.

i have to get over this ... thing i learned from my pop 12.Aug.2004 20:50


and if somebody cool wants to be your girlfriend tomorrow
keep your dick in your pants and run the other way

she'll be like mzpet up there
thinks you love her cos you beat her up like her daddy did
if you try to stop beating on her
she'll figure you don't love her anymore

she'll be so desperate
she'll do anything to make you love her again
only trouble is she don't understand loving
she only understands beating

like Red Neck says our whole society is fucked up
you can choose to act like our society teaches
the way Red Neck and mzpet act
or you can find another way

huh? 12.Aug.2004 21:34


"...if somebody cool wants to be your girlfriend tomorrow...she'll...[think] you love her cos you beat her up like her daddy did"
You need healing. I hope you will get it before you end up bleeding to death from a knife/gunshot wound because you hit the wrong womyn.

clamydia 13.Aug.2004 02:06


do some research

spousal abuse
victim psychology

hint 1 : she calls herself Ms Pet
She wants a Real Man (TM)
just like daddy

hint 2 : I didn't write about me

What are you talking about?! 13.Aug.2004 12:43


I think you've been reading too much Bukowski. Your last little lame "poetic-verse" comment basically said that if you meet someone who you think is cool, she will invariably turn out to be a psychologically damaged person who craves abuse. You posted this as a blanket statement about womyn in general, and whether that was your intent or simply a mistake in wording, I think that it shows your underlying mysoginy. I think that you like the idea of "victim psychology" because it takes all of the blame for an abusive relationship off of you and places it upon the survivor of your abuse. If you abuse your partner, and they stick around, then it's clearly <i>their</i> fault and not yours ("<i>if you try to stop beating on her//she'll figure you don't love her anymore</i>"). You also seem to suffer from a serious lack of reading comprehension, as many of the things that you said don't have anything to do with anything posted here. <blcokquote>"I didn't write about me."</blockquote><i>Sure</i> you didn't.

Learn to read, Clamy 13.Aug.2004 15:56


miracle or accident? 12.Aug.2004 08:07
last para :
"plus if im ever gonna find a cool girlfriend i have to get over this whole control freak / dictator in relationships thing i learned from my pop."

No, I don't like the idea of 'victim psychology'.
It would be very nice to stick my head up my ass
pretend it's all a big game of Cowboys and Indians.
Unfortunately, you can go to any women's shelter in the country
and observe it first hand.

Well, you need to stop looking at what you think you know,
and trick yourself into seeing what's really there.

Think about it, Clamy :
Who wants you to believe the world is neatly divided
into us and the terrorists?

That was easy, wasn't it?
Now, the trick question :
Who else?

learn how to use a consistent name 13.Aug.2004 16:56

so that

people know who's saying what. if you say something under one name, and then say something else under another name, then you can't expect people to attribute something you said earlier to something you say now. duh.

It aint that bad, Clamydia 13.Aug.2004 19:48


You are hardly the only activist who chooses what you know according what you woould like to be true.

Like mb's friend and his followers wobbling along behind him ( http://portland.indymedia.org/en/2004/08/293992.shtml#134882) choosing not to notice some essential differences between Calendula and Walmart. Except that Calendula is an easier target.

It would be nice to believe mzpet is innocent and pure as the snowcap on Mount Hood, victim of bad luck and (mere coincidence!) an unbroken string of Evil Males. It would make it so much easier to support a righteous rage. We could even hope it might stir a flicker of interest in the desolate hearts of those too jaded to flick the channel.

Watch it, man! If you admit that there is some pattern... If you admit that she habitually _chooses_ men "that makes my heart jumps", one "My Man" after another, that you can see, with your eyes closed, through a haze of industrial alcohol and moldy canabis, he is going to do "the things the Ex did" "over and over"... If you admit her behaviour actually influences the world around her... You are well on your your way to heresy, thinking *shudder* forbidden thoughts.

Don't go there, man! It's against the Will of God and the Grace of the Bush. If mzpet chooses "My Man"... If mzpet calls the police, although "he wasnt aiming to hit me & I knew that"... If mzpet "was really horrible" and "called the police to report he hit me" falsely... If even the kids knew what she was up to... If this paragon of wholesome american womanhood is not entirely... innocent ...

Then maybe we are not entirely innocent either. Then maybe we have something to do with how fucked up she is. Then maybe we have some responsibilites, beyond howling for the blood of some abusive prick. And maybe we have something to do with how fucked up he is, too.

Then maybe them sand-niggers and diaperheads are not driven by blind hatred of our freedoms and our democracies. Then maybe they remember we have been murdering and raping and torturing them for two hundred years, and stealing the milk from their babies' mouths. Then maybe they are pissed at... something we did ... And maybe we don't have any freedoms and democracies to hate.

No. No. No. No. No. mzpet is innocent! We are innocent!

mzpet is not entirely unconscious of her predicament. Neither is same. Nobody has told them, until now, they don't need to be as they are.

Telling her that she is an innocent victim, hopeless; telling him that he is an abusive asshole, hopeless; are merely lies that all is well with them, demands that they carry on as they are : victim and abuser. Just like Bush tells americans that they are innocent victims and that it is ok to be abusive assholes. It would not do to get the labels mixed up. It would not do to forget who is Good and who is Bad. It would not do to remember that we chose bin Laden and that Saddam is Our Man.

It would not do to have our victims and our abusers free themselves.

We would not be able to use them anymore.

One last thing, Clamydia 13.Aug.2004 22:28


You are actually one of the most resilient posters here. You sometimes show amazing empathy. Sometimes, I don't know...

I did not say, "if somebody cool wants to be your girlfriend tomorrow, take advantage of the silly cunt". I said, "keep your dick in your pants and run the other way". I did not say, "beat her". I said, "you can choose to act like our society teaches, the way Red Neck and mzpet act, or you can find another way". [commas added freely]

hint 3 : Why did you imagine, so righteously, me "bleeding to death"?

uh.. 15.Aug.2004 13:31


p.s. ive never hit a female in my life...

what the hell???? 18.Aug.2004 15:36

jemma b17rio@yahoo.com

First of all,
who are all you assholes who are judging this woman on the basis of having kids? Can I let you in on something? It takes both a man and a woman to make a kid. In fact, if a man cared at all about not having a kid, he wouldn't cum inside her. The fact that it's up to her and her alone is not anything about her essential "purity" or her "sin" , and just because she has a history of victimization doesn't mean that its her "fault" or that the state has the right to take away her kids.

I was raped when I was basically still a little girl, and no I didn't ask for it, and no I didn't expect it, and no, I didn't know how to defend myself from it. In fact, what was running through my head afterwards was "am I different now? am I bad now, am I going to hell, how can I pretend everyhting's the same, how can I make it so no one will find out, how can I keep my mom from figuring it out, can they read it on my face..." I staggered off without even being able to get medical care because I was so ashamed.

Women are taught to believe that their worth is measued by our sex. You might deny this, but you'd be full of shit to do so. I was "expected" by the society at large to "sell" my sex meaning to flaunt it and make myself into a sexual commodity bought and sold with social status. When someone raped me, I felt a confusion between "this is what women are supposed to do for men" and personal pain and greivance.

And yes, after that i replayed the scenario over and over because it was the only version of maturity or "womanhood" that I had. Never got pregnant, but I don't know if I can. It was either that or luck.

Since then I have had more good luck in being able to start talking about it and seeing it in a political light more than just a personal one. And because of that I've been able to transcend abusive dynamics in my relationships and find real happiness.

Now what do you think that the original poster was trying to do? I think SHe's trying to form connections with people who might be able to help her out of the evil spiral of abuse and isolation. Just because some of the abuse is coming from the state is no reason to forsake her. You short-sighted, mysogenest scum!

I wish I'd seen this article earlier, because I feel ashamed that the only responses she probably saw were so horrible and abusive in and of themselves. If she does read this though, I hope she emails me with ways that I could help her out. Like someone to write letters TO or somesuch.

Taking peoples kids away has been a mode of all kinds of genocide and the disempowerment of communities. You so called "activists" legitimizing it is beyond twisted. This woman needs social and economic support- a system through which she can take the initiative to change her own life. She doesn't need people like you tearing her down, trying to further isolate her, and defending her kids being forced from her.

hell 22.Aug.2004 23:42


Probably would have made no difference if you had seen the article earlier. It is highly unlikely that you would have read what was written, then, either. Ms Pet would do well to stay far away from you until you learn to read without triggering on isolated phrases.

You cannot help her at all unless you read what she says.

if you have any info 30.Mar.2006 15:02

vance jvance2006@hotmail.com

my ex got a restraining order on me because he lied and said i was harrassing him when I wasnt, he abandoned my son, and ignores him. next thing i know with no threating him no violance, just e-mailing back and forth. I asked him where my sons health passport was and he called the police and got a restraining order on me. Well how does he plan on seeing the baby now I have put in a notice of motion to try to clear my name of his dramatic attempt for what i dont know. If anyone has any advice how to make sure this restraining order doesnt mark up my clear criminal record. i would love to hear it. Please e-mail  jvance@hotmail.com
stinking Judge I just cant believe it is that easy for someone to use the government system in order to harrass me.

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND 30.Apr.2006 09:29


I know the feeling the system compleatly works against families, I know 1st hand What it comes down too is the "KIDS" do what ever it is to make them safe, The man can handle his but your babies need you, do what ever is asked and if they don't help you take DSH to court and tell the JUDGE, don't be affraid to address him/her, This is your Kids life and noone can defend you and your family better than you!!!! There are preventive programs and dv progams enroll in those and they can help also PRAY,PRAY,PRAY GOD IS THE FINAL WORD HE IS LAW OVER THE LAW!!!!GOD BLESS YOU AND ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD TO YOU