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Bill O'Reilly Threatens Boycott of Canada

We were supposed to be discussing American deserters fleeing to Canada; instead, he went off on some wild thing about the mayor of Vancouver injecting people with heroin and unless Canada shapes up, "we" will boycott you and destroy your economy, just like "we" did to France.

I said France seemed to be doing fine. He implied that France now looked like Dresden in 1945. I hadn't heard that.
My Fox trot with Bill O'Reilly

By HEATHER MALLICK
From Saturday's Globe and Mail

POSTED AT 1:14 AM EDT Saturday, May 1, 2004

It's someone's fault I appeared on The O'Reilly Factor on Fox News Tuesday night to discuss a column I wrote welcoming the presence of American deserters in Canada.

So who's responsible? Either Globe and Mail TV critic John Doyle, the Dalai Lama or me.

Eeny meeny miney mo, Doyle.

Mr. Doyle, a dear friend — together we have plucked the gowans fine — has long campaigned for Fox News to run in Canada. I think he regards it as a second Comedy Network. It's all staged, so we can all laugh at its Bush-licking rendition of the news, its ridiculous "fair and balanced" slogan and this man Bill O'Reilly, whose talk show is really more of a spitting contest gone off track.

Al Franken calls Mr. O'Reilly a "lying, splotchy bully," and proves it in his book Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right, but Mr. Doyle thinks he's a great comic creation, I guess, like Britain's The Pub Landlord, this guy who's always ranting about how Great Britain used to be called Fookin' Fantastic Britain until all the immigrants arrived.

But Mr. Doyle is Irish and he likes his comedy blacker than a raven's eyeball. I should have remembered this, more fool me.

Eeny meeny miney mo, Dalai Lama.

It's not enough to show compassion to people you love, the great man told Canadians this week. You also have to show it to people who hate you. This was lingering in my mind as Nate Fredman, the nice assistant to Mr. O'Reilly, the man who once said to the son of a Twin Towers victim, "Get out of my studio before I tear you to fucking pieces," urged me to appear. You're the best kind of guest, Nate told me. You really believe in what you're saying, so you don't take it personally when ..... and then his voice tailed off. Nate was so sweet, and then the Dalai's (the Lama's?) words echoed in the distance.

Eeny meeny miney mo, me.

I always say yes to American TV because how else are Americans going to hear about radical notions like feeding the poor and sheltering the gentle, or letting black people vote in Florida?

So I asked Nate for a car and driver and a makeup person to lacquer my face into immobility, and I did one of those remote-studio things where the host can see you but you can't see him and he asks you questions through an ear mike. And that's when the trouble started.

Mr. O'Reilly is not a smart man. He's like one of those old guys you see on the street ringing a bell and shouting about eternal damnation. He talks to his trousers. You know the type. They let wasps nest in their hair so they can lure weasels, trap 'em and eat 'em slow over the summer.

We were supposed to be discussing American deserters fleeing to Canada; instead, he went off on some wild thing about the mayor of Vancouver injecting people with heroin and unless Canada shapes up, "we" will boycott you and destroy your economy, just like "we" did to France.

I said France seemed to be doing fine. He implied that France now looked like Dresden in 1945. I hadn't heard that.

I said the United States couldn't boycott Canadian goods because it would be mutually damaging. "We're your biggest trading partner."

"No, you're not." (We are.) Naturally, I wanted to reply, "Yes, we are," so that he could say "No, we're not," and then I'd say, "Everything you say bounces off me and reflects back on you, so there," but I couldn't regress that far. Mr. Doyle would have been shrieking.

And then he asked me if I was a socialist, and I said, "Certainly," and it was as if I'd said I like donkey semen in my latte instead of milk. He then went into a mad rant about lefties like Mr. Doyle and how I was a typical Globe columnist. I said, no, truthfully, I think I'm regarded as "idiosyncratic" (the first six-syllable word ever spoken on the O'Reilly show), and he erupted again.

It was like talking to a manic child who had eaten 800 cherry Pop Tarts for breakfast. He kept interrupting, so that no point could be made that could win a reply, much less a reasoned response — not so much a gabble of sound bites as a howling from Bedlam.

Overnight, I received hundreds of e-mail messages from American men who think my private parts have gone communist, if you grasp my meaning. The saddest thing was the e-mail from kind Americans, apologizing for their "idiot," quivering with humiliation and praising me for having remained calm and composed under fire, not realizing that I was simply frozen with disbelief. I have replied to each one of the nice ones.

The whole degraded debacle and everyone's reaction to it, including mine, reminded me that Americans now have to cope with a new surrealism in public life. In the 1936 Spanish Civil War entries in a diary I read long ago, by someone who may well have been Stephen Spender, the writer describes an O'Reilly-esque scene. "A man squats and defecates in the street, without comment." Re-reading these diaries decades later, Spender writes, "What on earth did I expect him to say? Olé?"

homepage: homepage: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20040501.wmallick1/BNPrint/International/

O'Reilly is nothing more than a right wing door stop. 24.Jun.2004 19:35

Bird dog

All he knows is how to hold the door open to lie's without a clue!

forget ‘em 25.Jun.2004 02:01

Frog

So O'Really only hates poor, lower class deserters?
Fox is boring, just like any other cable "news source".
We have the Internet, we don't need'em

love canadians 25.Jun.2004 13:24

liberate us, please

Thank Goddess for the Canadians. Maybe they'll liberate us from our evil dictator.

heathen malleable? the liberationist? 25.Jun.2004 19:21

ron canuck

if pc is what you expect then be my guest.
sliding to the choir is obviously headers only relevant pt.,a pt. shown in it's total denial of bill oreillys pt.,and any other pt. and all pts. anywhere..
besides, i took a dump out my car window at a hundred clicks.

Bill O'Reilly is a tool! 08.Jul.2004 09:32

Jay from Edmonton bootlegga@hotmail.com

I love the article and I also think Bill O'Reilly is a big tool.

Would a boycott hurt Canada? Sure it would, but it would also hurt the USA.

You think gas prices are high now...wait until we stop sending 50% of our production south of the border (about 20% of your imports). How much will gas be then? $4 a gallon? $5 a gallon? Not to mention the 60% or so of the natural gas we send to you for heating purposes. And all those car parts for the SUVs Americans love to drive...half of the Big 3 automakers factories are north of the border. Personally, I think anyone who wants to threaten $1 Billion US of daily trade is an idiot, and I'm not even a business major!

I guess Bill thinks it would probably be better to trade with more stable countries like Venezeula, Nigeria and saudi Arabia. I say go for it!

Personally, I have nothing against Americans, well, except when you have the nerve to beat us at hockey! Seriously though, while I worked overseas, one of the best things I learned was that the average American was just like me. Half of my friends from overseas are Americans and I've visited the USA at least once every year since returning home to Canada for weddings and reunions.