Not satisfied with seeing his image on a coin or his face on Mt. Rushmore, the Republican National Committee announced today that it plans to have past President Ronald Reagan stuffed by a professional taxidermist and put on permanent display in the Smithsonian.
The RNC has been working closely with Michael Eisner at Disney to incorporate audioanimatronic elements, making the remains of the Great Communicator as "lifelike" and "interactive" as possible.
"Ronald Reagan was such a gift to the American public that we cannot afford to lose his optimism and affability," Tom DeLay was quoted as saying, when queried about the project. "Plans are in the works to see that he accompanies President Reagan on a few special campaign stops in swing states. The photo ops will be tremendous!"
Putting the President on permanent display will also give the seemingly endless stream of human lemmings in tank tops and shorts a greater chance to ogle him.
Staff has been busy sorting through press interviews and speeches in the archives of the Reagan library in order to select the most useful phrases to incorporate into the envisioned "interactive Reagan". The first statement selected came by unanimous decision.
"It has to be 'There you go again,'" chucked Dick Cheney. "That's sort of an all purpose phrase. Unfortunately, only Ronnie could get away with it."
Incorporating chosen phrases with a Magic 8 Ball function will allow President Bush to consult with the past leader on important matters of State.
Precedent has been set for the preservation and exhibition of past leaders and celebrities. Vladmir Lenin was on display for years in the Kremlin, while Kentucky's Crystal Cave maintained the glass crypt of caving accident victim Floyd Collins for a lengthy period of time, charging tourists for a peak before entering the cave for a tour. Even Roy Roger's horse, Trigger, enjoyed this sort of celebrity.
"Hell," blustered Dennis Hastert. "I think Ronald Reagan deserves just as much respect as a damned horse!"