i don't know what to do now, my curiosity propelled me to find the video on this internet thing and now i just feel sick to my stomach. I just wanted to share my feelings. I don't understand why these killers had to treat the hostage like an animal? Why not give the man a little bit of respect and let him stand up and defend himself? it just makes me so sad that we are all fucking human beings, yet some have to kill others on video the way you might slaughter an animal, and use this as some recruitment ad or threat.
this may have happened elsewhere also, if the war in Iraq had not occurred. Perhaps al-queida would have done this on the 11th of may to remind us of their jihad, even withouth the added bonus of iraq.
i feel like everything i do is so insignificant now, my papers, my tests, ect. I can't change the world though, i have to live my life, but this REALLY bothers me just thinking of how precious my throat is attached where it is and my freedom to move my hands and feet and fight off an attacker. I wish i could just reach through and give him one hand to help fight with, i just want to help him.
so i just said a prayer for him while i kept pausing it, but then i just watched it all, and now it hurts me really deep inside. that real kind of feeling.
no wait there is something more sick they could do! I just remembered a little 2yr old i saw yesterday and how much fun she was having living her life, just running 10 feet. there is so much to life and living that those people who made that video can't touch. no matter how gruesome they get, they can't take away that victims family and life and memories.
i don't do anything really to help my community or engage in any local process, to help the world. i will feel better if i could find some way to help, like joining the marines and fighting their in Iraq.
part of my wants revenge for the lack of honor these killers showed, and their cruelty. but i realize that having a sniper take out those 4-5 killers is not the answer, that sniper would have to get those killers to take off their masks and sit down at a table and talk. they should be punished for their murder but just killing more people seems really primitive.
Is there anyway that collectively some people might start a campaign of just sitting and talking about things? Like i do when i have personal problems, i can go and talk with a counselor, well then we could have world counselors that world leaders must go and talk to when they are feeling down. this seems to simple and impracticle but how did we get from one single species to so many warring and disagreeing people? wait, we have always been this way though. so this guy nick Berg is just an end result of human history. a human history of warfare and slaughter.
maybe. i am very optimistic though that their is good in all people that are mentally stable, good as in when they see a 2 yr old running and living they see what life is. And if this is true then all killing that occurs in humanity wouldn't have to be, if enough people believed this. the dali lama came to portland awhile back and left me at the convention center with this feeling of myself being able to make a difference in the world- for world peace!
That is what we dream of when we are little kids but then somewhere growing up we don't think we can do it anymore.... but so many have left such a big impact on the world. just single individual efforts.. all having all-star performances in changing the world.
history is fun too. if you look at 1097 when the first crusade took place, and then jump ahead to 2004 it is just kind of fun. its interesting how much cultures can hate each other, but then i can play a game of soccer with the very same culture without too much of a problem. But to be politically correct i have to be carefull when i get angry at the player on the field who is arab, to be carefull not to refer to the world trade center as a reason for his fouling me. i have this feeling sometimes though, this wondering what i did to have to feel so uncomfortable when talking about religion or the world with this arab person? To me i already have this preconcieved notion that he is going to be defensive, embarrassed, angry, or anything else uncomfortable.
it is the same with turkish players too... i don't know what it is. i don't get a welcome feeling from them really, not a real one. just an outside their interior circle of friends feeling. like they are throwing me a bone and i should be so honored to be near that circle or on their team.
maybe this is how ideologies form . just from everyday interactions. i could develop and distrust in arabs and someday become elected or make my influence felt... who knows. i should correct myself too, as i take special regard for the saudis that i see and know of. even hearing discontent from other arabs towards them.
sorry to write so much.... i feel better now.. if anyone wants to share what they felt about the video please do, i would appreciate it. sorry if i offended anyone, just feeling overwhelmed by what i witnessed and i fear for my own safety now... or really i fear that i am too much of an optimistic person and this whole bigger thing than i is just going to crush me. what i honestly feel is that i want an answer from someone or a solution to this problem, somebody please help me understand or vent with me. help me see what it is there that might help this sick feeling inside me go away..... i don't like feeling hate... i like the little cheeks of a smiling mini-soccerplayer. and what can i do to help get more people to feel the opposite of what i am feeling now?
that is something i would volunteer for right away for sure, no worries... i am hereby officially starting my own "dali lama cool lets make the world a better place club!" contact me to join my peace sharing club and we can go distribute pictures around town of something good occurring in the world. or better yet we could focus on some really sad parts or people in town and help lift them up by showing them babies !
i think i need some help now from something more physical...... good bye for now.