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newswire article reposts united states

9.11 investigation

Homeland Security at your service.

Ah sweet freedom
This is quite interesting, and down right scary to think about!


Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?"

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."

Operator: "I must have your NIDN first, sir?"

Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610."

Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland

Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln.
Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566.
Email address is sheehan@ home.net Which number are you calling from, sir?"

Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"

Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."

Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"

Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security

System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time"

Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas."

Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

Customer: "Whaddya mean?"

Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got
very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care
provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."

Customer: "What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"

Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it."

Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"

Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library
last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."

Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."

Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids,
and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99."

Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
Your credit card balance is over its limit."

Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here."

Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn also."

Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.
How long will it take?"

Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir.
If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash,
but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."

Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?"

Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed.
But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday"

Customer: Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!"

Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4,
2006 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here on September for contempt
at your hearing for cussing at a judge." "Oh yes I see here that you just got out
from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility.

Is this your first pizza since your return to society?

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"

Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of
Coke".

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering
free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this.
Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!"
WHAT A FUCKING JOKE 23.Feb.2004 07:36

Pierre Talley pierre790z@yahoo.com

Homeland Security is so useless,they couldn't locate Osama if he were loitering about their headquarters.In fact,Al-Qaeda and other such organizations may have already infiltrated DHS when you consider the amount of nonsense that has come out of that giant welfare scheme.How can anyone working for it have the dignity to look someone in the eye?

Tom Ridge has been reduced from a tough no nonsense governor into this babling chicken little who makes an ass out of himself as well as taxpayers who allow these monkeies to continue to steal our money.

George W.Bush should include The Department of Homeland Security as one of the structures in the war on terrorism.

Tom Ridge was nothing but a 23.Feb.2004 08:17

glad-hanking politician

in first place! He is NOT nor ever has been a "manager". When you have head of an agency that's
only real function ((that he can successfully perform))is photo ops, then look what we've got?
It's total waste of money...our fucking money, folk's! Wake up! Make these damned lazy-assed
bureaucrat's find REAL JOBS and quite sucking on the big tit of the Public Sow!

George Orwell's book "1984" 23.Feb.2004 16:15

With liberty and Justice for Sale

George Orwell's book "1984"

Enough said!

The question is will America wake up before it's to late.