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Weenie wagging. Whipping out a penis in public at women where no one can see. It is not about nudity. It is not about sex. It is about intimidation, it is about control over women, it is about power. But who is really vulnerable?
by Kirsten Anderberg

Weenie Waggers. Guys who get off on indecent exposure. As a young girl, I had many an unwanted dick thrust upon my naked eyes, and I was scared. These men chose spots that were isolated, they waited until there was no one else around, they were intimidating and scary, it was verging on rape and you could not tell if you were ABOUT to be raped if you did not get out of there fast. It definitely is more than nudity. I am fine with nakedness and nudity. This is something else. And it is not sexual either. I seriously doubt these men EVER get a reaction of "ooh, neat, can we have sex?" from the women these men assault. This is a power move by men on women. Plain and simple. And it is the kind of power move that reinforces a Patriarchy. So it must come down NOW!

The first assault of this manner that I remember was when I was in junior high, walking home from school. A boy would not stop following me, then walked right next to me, then whipped out his penis and I was terrified, I said NOTHING, and quickly walked, with him next to me, right into the neighborhood store and went straight to the store manager for help. The boy waited outside in the phone booth for me. The manager went out and talked to the boy and he left. I was fearful of that route to walk home, and random penis', from then on.

As I entered my late teens and early twenties, I would have this weenie wagging occur regularly near me. One time it was on the back of a Metro bus in Seattle. Another time I was walking through a Seattle park and it happened. I even went to thrift stores and it happened! Men are just waving their dicks out where only one young woman can see it all over the place! I asked a male friend if men talk about this phenomenon, because women sure do. My male friend said, "No, men do not sit around and say, "So I whipped it out on First Avenue yesterday" to one another." And I think it is interesting that these men whip their dicks out in public, yet do not want anyone to know.

This whole thing turned radically for me once at the Vancouver Music Festival. Some women friends and I were bathing topless in water...and these men began to oggle us from the banks, sexually. We all decided to SCARE the men. So we RAN AT THE MEN, TOPLESS, SHRIEKING LIKE BLACK PANTHERS, LOOKING CRAZY AS CAN BE! The men ran in fear, I am not kidding! It was incredibly empowering and I started thinking. You know, these weenie waggers are adament on hiding and doing this where only the woman sees. So THAT must be the point of weakness in all this. So I decided to start punching holes in the anonyminity of weenie wagers.

The first one I remember vividly was a thrift store assault. I was in line with my Motown band and we were buying costumes. I paid first and was standing at the register as my friends were rung out. All of a sudden, one of the dressing room curtains opened and a man looked at me. Next thing he opened the curtain a titch, just at penis level, and showed me his dick. Well, I screamed laughing LOUDLY, "Hey look at that guy in the dressing room jacking off!" The curtain closed quickly. I said "the room with the plaid coat on the floor!" And all of a sudden he grabbed the coat off the floor! We all had a good laugh. Then about 5 minutes later, he opens the dressing room curtain and says loudly, "I was not!" And everyone burst into laughter again. VICTORY! I left feeling empowered instead of assaulted.

In another thrift store in downtown Seattle, I opened a dressing room door for a second to use it. In that brief second it took me to open the door, I saw someone was in there and shut it, yet I could swear a guy turned toward me and jacked off. I went to my friend and said, "This sounds nuts, but I could swear when I just opened that dressing room door, a guy turned to me jacking off." She said, "Kirsten, you would not IMAGINE that. Tell the woman clerk." I did and the woman clerk FLEW INTO ACTION. She was an inspiration. She knocked on the dressing room door loudly yelling "I TOLD YOU YOU CANNOT DO THAT IN HERE ANYMORE!!" and she grabbed him by his collar and literally threw him onto the curb. She was a big woman and I could only be impressed. But she also reinforced in me that it is the FEAR that gives the men the power in this. And the minute you are not afraid, but rather ANNOUNCE this behavior, these guys are WAY vulnerable! The power shifts within SECONDS and HARD!

Another one I remember vividly was when I was walking to the co-op through Ravenna Park in Seattle. I started hearing rustling of leaves near me, purposefully trying to get my attention. I looked up the hill near me, and there was a guy, completely naked except tennis shoes, leaning on a tree, jacking off towards me, grinning. Unafraid anymore, my first comment was, "Hmm, you should go do that for your mother." Then I said, "You know, I know a bunch of large dykes and we want to help guys like you get all the publicity you can. So if you can just wait here for oh, 10 minutes, I will come back with some large dyke friends and we will tie you up on the main Ave with a sign around your neck that says "I was jacking off at women and they tied me up here for all to see." So please, wait right here, I will be right back!" And I went to the co-op. When I returned, he was gone.

I know of a man in Seattle who has had several indecent exposure charges. I believe he told me in 1995 that he has been charged three times for this. He told me the first ticket was because he was a few feet over the legal line at a nude beach. He then said his second ticket on this was because a bunch of teen girls in a school bus pulled next to his car, one teen flashed him, lifting her top he says, and so, of course, logically, he whipped out his dick in his car and waved it at the girls. He explains this as if this would be ANYONE'S normal reaction. Well, the bus of girls called the police and they arrived at his door to charge him for that. Hopefully, the girls learned a lesson...whether one did flash him or not! But somehow, I do not think HE got the lesson. Just the way he explains it as if he was a victim, says it all!

Another incident I remember was once I was walking on the path by the San Lorenzo River in Santa Cruz and I could see this guy, from my higher vantage point, trying to position himself to weenie wag for two women who were quickly approaching the spot where he was. So, since I am gifted with a voice that can project like a half-mile haler, I just screamed at the top of my lungs right before the women were to stumble on his dick, "Hey everyone, look at that guy wagging his dick out trying to scare women in front of the car dealership down there..." He grabbed his erect dick and tried to jam it in his pants as EVERYONE on the trail looked at him. He ran into the car lot, still trying to jam his huge dick into his pants while everyone watched him trying to retreat. I was the announcer, I was yelling, "There he goes into the car lot...oh no, he is approaching people trying to buy a car and he STILL does not have his pants on properly yet..." Everyone was roaring with laughter. This is the way these things should end, not with women afraid and intimidated and feeling assaulted against their will!

Many men have been angered when I took all the fun of fear and intimidation out of their afternoon by outting them loudly. For some reason, women have been silent in this realm too often out of fear. Look, WE are not the ones vulnerable when men are NAKED IN PUBLIC JACKING OFF, THEY ARE! First off, they are naked or have their genitals exposed, so that is an easy target to begin with. Next, they are doing something they do not want anyone to know they are doing! Usually these things happen where people are within HEARING distance, if not visual distance. I have found if you are LOUD and IMMEDIATELY SAY AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS AS LOUDLY AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE, "HEY LOOK AT THAT GUY JACKING OFF TRYING TO SCARE WOMEN" that the dynamic of power IMMEDIATELY shifts from the man having the power, to the woman. Instantaneousy. As soon as the men find out you are not going to silently play a victim and take that home as baggage yourself, but instead are going to turn that muther on its side and make HIM the vulnerable one AND NOW, these men usually start to RUN away, and I am NOT kidding! TRY IT! I encourage all women to turn this stupid power play on its head each and every time you encounter it. I have not had a one weenie wagging where I have not turned it into trauma for the weenie wagger since that day at the Vancouver Folk Festival back in oh, 1979? I am not saying you should endanger yourself by doing this where no one is around. The only way to make this work is if people are around and could see it if attention is brought to it. Usually, since they are in a public place, waiting to catch women walking by in public, there are others nearby. The men count on our fear to keep silent. So if people are near, just ANNOUNCING IT LOUDLY usually ends it quickly. And you will end up leaving feeling empowered, instead of assaulted. It is truly a great feeling to not fear weenie waggers anymore. And to actually look forward to our encounters now as I ALWAYS win!

homepage: homepage: http://www.angelfire.com/la3/kirstenanderberg
address: address: Seattle, WA USA

nice 23.Feb.2004 07:32


A friend of mine was subjected to a lily waver once and she simply said, "Oh, just like a real penis, only smaller."

make sure 23.Feb.2004 08:49


hey just make sure its not some guy trying to pee who couldnt find a better spot!

Just in time for Mardi Gras 23.Feb.2004 09:09


I made the mistake of going to police-state pioneer square on Friday (Mardi Gras) on was so amazed at the compliance of women who "titty flash" for nothing but attention from freaks and a beaded necklace. The lead singer/whiner of the band encouraged this behavior between every song, "Drink more alcohol and SHOW TITTIES!" Needless to say, as a woman who had no interest in public tittery, I was appalled at the audacity of some of the men who would come up to me as if they were going to hug me--then of course, I was "total bitch girl that was trying to ruin the fun" when I lifted my arm in defense of the stranger's hug attempts, pushing him away as swiftly as he thought he was going to get a hug. Fuck, I hate this rape culture and its propagation and perpetuation, especially when women normalize it.

Fact is, there are may different reasons why people "flash." 23.Feb.2004 09:38


I think Kirsten is correct that men who corner women in a private situation (or a public situation where no one else is around) are attempting to intimidate women. That kind of behavior is all about power and harassment.

There is a sexuality where people are merely turned on by being seen nude in public. Whether this is learned or innate, I don't know. I've seen plenty of female exhibitions and I've seen plenty of male exhibitionists. I'm not sure whether I should find this to be any stranger than any other sexual deviation from the "norm."

Then there are people who believe that what they wear or do not wear should be their own choice. They may choose to be nude in public as a statement or to demand their right to personal autonomy. I see no problem with this at all.

What concerns me about Kirsten's article is that she may be lumping all of these behaviors together and doing it specifically when it relates to men.

Also, to say that someone is "jacking off" when they're just nude is over the line too. Jacking off in public may be a crime in some places where being nude in public is not (for example, on a nude beach).

Just a few thoughts.

Perhaps CFNM is a solution. 23.Feb.2004 10:47


There are women that like seeing men naked, provided the women control the situation. There are men who like to be seen naked by women. Maybe the world needs more CFNM (Clothed Female Nude Male) events? There are feminists that support this kind of thing, provided women remain in control.

Can we really talk here? 23.Feb.2004 12:25


We are not talking about nudity or sexuality - this is about FEAR and ABUSE OF POWER. We live in a nale dominated world where women have to be held down in order to keep men on top and in control of the wealth. They are taught to make women fear them, to indtimate them, to ridicula and then humilitate them whrn they complain (you can see the likes of this in some of these comments!). Flashing done by a man to a woman is a power trip used to scare and silence her
at that moment and in the future, from the memories of it. Women are raped and sexually harassed in this country every day and we do nothing about it. We have one of the highest rape rates in the world. Women still only make .75 cents to every male dollar. Single mothers often live in dire poverty while nothing is done about absent fathers. THIS is what we need to be talking about and tryinmg to change, especially in 2004 and in a city as progesive as Portland.

Thanks for your ear.

Looks like it comes down to this. 23.Feb.2004 12:26


No one should be imposing their nakedness (or anything else) on anyone. Nudity in a safe context for the right reason is fine.

I think what needs to change, in addition to men not using their penises to intimidate women, is that society needs to provide circumstances where male nudity is OK as it already does with female nudity. Women are permitted to show much more of their bodies than men are, in our society. Some equality in this area would be beneficial. Women should be able to go topless whenever and wherever men can go topless. Men should be able to dress as revealingly as women do in the same contexts where women dress revealingly.

Those women that ike to see the nude bodies of men should feel no more embarassed about that desire than men feel embarassed about enjoying the sight of a nude woman. If men will have parties with nude women as entertainment, women should feel free to do the same and have parties with nude men present.

So long as all parties are equal, engaged in a mutually desirable behavior and no one is being exploited, threatened or intimidated, it should be welcome.

I'm glad Kirsten brought the subject up. 23.Feb.2004 13:11


I've never seen an open discussion about this topic before. Perhaps more men should read it and understand what the female contibutors are saying: an unwanted dick is seen as a threat and not as eye candy.

scarred? 23.Feb.2004 13:42


When I was about 16, I was riding my bike through the local college campus. There was a car parked in the lot in a corner, close to the sidewalk I was riding on. As I passed , there was a man in the car who said "Hey, come here for a second" in a non-threatining way. This was an expensive medical college with many students from out of town and I thought he needed directions or something, so I went over. I stood there by his door and before I could say anything, he opened his coat and showed me his hard-on and started rubbing it. I just gave him a VERY disgusted look and rode off. FAST. I've always wished I did something more, like punched him in the face or circled around and hid and pelted his car with rocks. I didn't. I just left. I understand how it feels to be subjected to someones "weenie wagging" and it sucks. But, although I'm probably the exception, it isn't always women that are the victims. (I'm a guy.)

Sicko MAX rider... 23.Feb.2004 13:51


They also don't have to actually show you their dick to be disgusting and threatening. On a crowded MAX car, a man standing near me pushed up against me with his hard-on. I thought I was just imagining it and moved away. Once it became obvious I moved to the other side of the car during a stop. My friend traveling with me had spotted the man as well. My only regret is not having yelled out for the whole car to hear "This sick pervert is trying to rub his dick against me." Thanks for the inspiring article. While I hope never to be in such a situation again, here's to belting out a loud and embarrassing announcement.

More to it 23.Feb.2004 15:08


I think there are some things that are being missed here. I don't think that any "weenie-wagger" consciously sees his actions as a power play or as an attempt at intimidation. I think most of them don't even have any clear idea of why they do it. Deviant sexual behavior such as this is the result of the backassward Puritanical culture that we live in. The more that a person's sexuality is repressed, the more fucked up his or her thoughts and actions regarding sex are going to be. While the suggested reaction to "weenie-wagging" should probably be encouraged, we should remember that the underlying cause of the activity lies not with individual men, but with society itself. This phenomenon will not stop until the very fabric of society is radically changed.

It's not a black and white world 23.Feb.2004 22:46

In Seattle

There's plenty of sexually disfunctional men AND women in society.

There is a difference though between a jock waggling his dick or some gangster looking guy on a corner rubbing his weiner while staring at women and people who are a little less fortunate in the brains department.

I spent some years working with retarded people at a state institution in North Seattle. It wasn't to uncommon for men OR women to come happily skipping out of thier room, naked and masturbating. Our policy was to redirect them back to thier rooms. "Go ahead and do that in your room". Which is a valid point. Some of these people just don't understand boundries as the rest of us do. The fact people have a right to masturbate, just not impose it on others. Sometimes though, if a person just doesn't have the intellect to realize proper sociological boundries, conflict can occur. If you've not spent much time with people with mental disfunctions, these ideas can seem a bit scary and strange. But they're really not.

I once worked with woman who was bound in a wheel chair. She had the bad habit of grabbing onto peoples arms as they walked by and digging her nails into your arms. One day I walked by her and she snagged my arm and her nails dug in. I looked down at her and she had pulled her pants down and was frantically masturbating and giving me the craziest crazed stare I think I've ever seen. It was a scary moment. I just pushed her off into her room to let her do her business. It's her right to be a crazed masturbater, just not in the public areas of the home she was in. Just another day at the funny farm.

I've seen my share of dick wagglers too and I'm not even a woman. They like to hang out under the abandonded over-passes in the arboretum. I was canoing with a girlfriend through there once and saw a man on the shore, naked and jerking off in a ski mask. A scary site.

Another time I saw a guy watching women swimming there while "waggling" from behind a bush. As I walked up to him, he saw me approaching and put his weiner away. I said, "Hey, whats your name". He replied, "Billy". He sounded a little retarded. I said, "hey Billy, what are you doing". He said, "nothing". I said, "hey billy, I think you better leave". He said, "ok", and ran off.

I've seen lots of weirdos over the years here in Seattle, both men and women.

So, what I'm getting at is that the world isn't black and white and range of behavior in the context of human sexuality is no exception. Some people know better and should not be engaging in forcing thier privates parts into anothers field of vision. Others do not know better and are sometimes severely or mildly retarded or handicapped in some other way. Sometimes they just simply don't have what it takes to behave in an acceptable manner.

It's not a black and white issue with gender either. I've worked with BOTH women and men that have sexually abused others. Somtimes you get the sense that they'd know better. Sometimes you know that they'll never be able to comprehend that they've ever done anything wrong. Sometimes you can sense their evil. Sometimes their the happiest nicest people you'd think you ever met.

Granted men are more likeley to be the culprits of activity like this, but it not always that way. Also, when women act that way, they're more likely to be applauded by men or written off as "sluts" by women. When men act that way, they're perverts. Another thing is that, most would agree that men would have a much harder time charging women money to see them jerking off, where as women could probably just hold up a sign, "I jerk off for cash", and have instant customers. When women do this for money, somehow they arn't labeled "perverts" either, even though they're advocating that men behave like "perverts" through thier own for-cash displays of "perversion" so to speak. Is it perversion or is it all just the shades of grey of human nature?

Notice The Offending Weenie Wagger Runs When Outed 23.Feb.2004 23:22


The people trying to psychologize what's going on here need to read the article carefully. You would notice that in every instance the author cites outing a weenie wagger in public with loud yelling, the offending weenie wagger runs in embarrassment at having been outed. Yes, it's very clear to me that they know what they are doing is socially unacceptable, or they wouldn't run in embarrassment everytime they are outed.

one last thing 26.Feb.2004 14:03


one thing I think is causing some of the misunderstanding is that men can not intuitively understand what it feels like to be a woman and be confronted with a weenie-wagger. For a man, I dont think that this type of encounter brings up the feelings of actual fear (of rape) that a woman feels. Because men do not experience this fear in comparable situations (if there are any, which seems less and less likely since for men catching glimpses of any female's body, esp genitals is seen by society at large as a stroke of luck instead of a threat) they can not instantly understand how a woman feels when it happens to her, and it can seem that she is overreatcting. But, guys, I want to tell you that when a man pulls out his dick on me in public, I feel immediate fear; in fact I do not really think disgust (as one might assume is felt) is even felt very much at all-- instead it feels simply like pure panic/fear, the way you'd feel if a gun were pulled on you. This is a very frightening act because it is so odd-- most men do not show you their dicks in public, and I think the sheer strangeness of this leads to shock at what is happening and a feeling that the only thing that is 'common' to happen when dicks are out in 'public' is rape (statistically inaccurate, probably, but still). I dont know if women's fear of rape is innate, in fact i doubt it is, but in this society it is there and it jumps out to make itself heard in almost any situation of assault/violence, even before any dick has been shown. and if it has, you can almost be 'sure' (at least it seems in your head) that you will be raped. Its is SO frightening. So whether or not the act of weenie-wagging is literally "one step before rape", it FEELS like that to people. at least to me.

Go for it woman...... 30.Sep.2004 16:40

Faolchu o'gealach

Gotta get my daughter to read this..............you are on the button.These guys need serious help!The only way to stop them is to out them, that way they can no longer live in the distortion of thought that allows them to behave like so.Same applies if it's women doing it.

The Tale of Harry the Masturbator 18.Dec.2005 15:03


[Author's Notes: Written Monday, April 22, 2002.]

It was another dark night, another rainy night, and Harry was at his favorite place: a club downtown sitting at his favorite booth. It wasn't his favorite booth because it was the most comfortable, but because he was hidden from the people in the booth. And it was there that he would sit, resting his head on the table with a trench coat over his head, watching the people and masturbating.

As a career, Harry alternating between being a garbage truck man and a landscaper. He hated both of his jobs and was always being told what to do and how he failed miserably on his last course. He enjoyed one thing, though: masturbating. He was far too shy to ask anyone for sex. Normal conversation always seemed fine, but when he went close to the topic of dates and sexual contacts, females often responded quite obscurely -- and sometimes even refused to talk to him afterwards at all.

When at home, Harry liked to read books about history. TeeVee did not stimulate his mind much, but to read about the great conquests of Napoleon and the political endeavors of Churchill would amaze him. He even had a copy of Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes, Utopia by Thomas More, and The Heroic Frenzies by Giordano Bruno. His apartment was small; it only had four rooms: a kitchen, a living room, a bathroom, and a bedroom. The furniture was cheap and the tables wobbled. The TeeVee may have been small, but Harry did not mind. Every night, after work, and after reading, he would retire to his bed at 10:00 PM and sleep.

There were some times, though, when Harry would not read, but he would go to the pub downtown and sit in his favorite booth. His eyes would caress the legs, the thighs, the breasts, the stomachs, the faces of all the beautiful people. It was dark, too, and there were only a few disco lights. He could see the people dancing, and with the camouflage of his booth, he would touch the most secret parts of his body. Maybe he was just ugly or shy, but people have not been his friends for long. He knew one thing, though: he liked to watch them. Their laughter became his, their smile became his, their lives became his, and - above all - their bodies became figments of his mind for the briefest of moments for sexual stimulation.

It was late one Thursday when he was at the pub masturbating to the people dancing. While hidding under his trench coat, his hand rapidly caressing his crotch, he was watching the folk. Unbeknownst to him, though, a small group of three people saw him. "Hey, is that guy masturbating?" she said, almost laughing. "So, what," the guy said, "Doesn't matter." The other girl spoke up, "No, no, that's fucked up. See, look at him. He's rubbing his crotch and watching the people." The guy looked over. "Yeah, he's masturbating." The girl looked in the guy's bag. "What do you want?" he asked. She replied, "I want your flashlight." The guy, agitated, responded, "What do you want that for?" She responded, "It's pretty dark in here. This will put light onto the situation." And for a few small moments, Harry's eyes were blinded by the bright white light as he heard a girl scream, "Hey, we know what you're doing..." Shame, humility, embarrassment, he ran out the door, his trench coat flapping as he held on to it with one hand. When he got outside, Harry realized he was crying.

For Life,