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Bush Lied to Me - by Chris Rock


All this celebrity news is just some bullshit to get your mind off the war.

I think Bush sent that girl to Kobe's room. To get your mind off the war. He sent the girl to Kobe's room. He took the little boy to Michael Jackson's house.

Bush killed Laci Peterson. Bush was fucking Paris Hilton. All of this shit is to get your mind off the war.

Bush lied to me, man. He said we got to move on Iraq because they're the most dangerous regime on earth.

If they're so dangerous, how come it only took two weeks to take over the whole fucking country?

You couldn't take over the Bronx in two weeks. Youd need a month to get the Grand Concourse, man.

They're looking for weapons of mass destruction. They can't even find a whiffle-ball bat.

I didn't go to no fancy school or no shit, but weren't we after bin Laden.

What the fuck happened?

When I heard we were after Hussein, I was like, really?

That's so 80s. The whole war feels like a bad VH1 special.

Hussein is back. And Bush is back. And Cheney is back. And Paula Abdul is back.

Shit, before you know it, it'll be Hammer time again.

Republicans are fucking idiots and Democrats are fucking idiots and conservatives are fucking idiots and liberals are fucking idiots.

Pretty much anyone that makes up their mind before they hear the issues is a fool, O.K.?

I'm just saying the world's addicted to distraction. It's the oldest drug in the book, distraction. We know what has to be done. We know how to do it. But it never gets done because we're addicted to distraction.

My only job in life is to keep my daughter off the pole.

If your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up.

I do have a problem with the stripper myth. The stripper myth is, 'I'm stripping to pay my tuition. No you're not! If there's all these strippers in college, then how come I never got a smart lap dance. I've never had a girl sit on my lap and say, 'If I was you, I'd diversify my portfolio. Ever since the end of the Cold War, I found NATO obsolete.'

Men! You marry, have kids. You live to be about 38. Don't get me wrong, guys. You'll breathe another 40 years, but the living is over.

You're a fucking dead man... Your life's fucking over. Ain't no new shit happening to you. You want to see new, look at your kids. You don't think you're dead, look at your parents. Mom, alive. Dad, dead.

Whatever job a man got at 35 and he's married with kids, he gonna have that job for the rest of his fucking life! Don't try to tell your wife you're going to find your spirit.

'Honey, I'm not happy. I'm not fulfilled. I need to find my spirit.'

And she says 'You better take your ass back to work. And find some overtime.'
Chris Rock is not funny 14.Feb.2004 23:38


He's not provocative and he's not edgy and he's not confrontational and he sure as fuck is not funny.

He bears the corporate imprimatur of all of the above which means he possesses NONE of the above. Chris Rock is funny like Colin Powell is honest. He services the mainstream on his knees and he swallows.

"Republicans are fucking idiots and Democrats are fucking idiots and conservatives are fucking idiots and liberals are fucking idiots."

Cue applause.

What the fuck is that? He's pretty much covered his ass on all fronts. Take a shot at everyone and claim to be the consumate outsider. Say something, say nothing. I mean I don't like Dennis Miller and I find him even less funny than Rock (if that is possible), but at least the motherfucker has built his barricade and manned it.

Maybe Chris Rock can launch a comedy crusade on behalf of chocolate chip cookies and against parking tickets. Hooray for Chris Rock! Fighting for us all.

Chris Rock is Amos-and-Andy Jay Leno Lite. You look at the top black comedians... Eddie Murphy, Chris Tucker, Chris Rock and most of them have made their money by playing Huggy Bear. All "fool this" and "shut yo' mouf" that. I'm sure if you asked them, they'd say they're playing those roles straight ghetto with tongue firmly in cheek. Maybe. But white America doesn't know that. They just want to see the "black guy get all black and shit cuz it's funny... and stuff." Confrontational comedians like Lenny Bruce or Bill Hicks or Andy Kaufman or Richard Pryor or Redd Foxx or Robin Harris make you squirm in your seat. They call you out and maybe you question whether or not it was a good idea to purchase that ticket in the first place.

Not Chris Rock.


Funny like Pepsi.

Funny like low-carb Subway sammiches.

Funny like Iraq.

Funny like SARS.

Funny like Michael Powell.

Funny like "Celebrity Mole."

Funny like drive-time talk radio.

Fuck him.

Thank You 15.Feb.2004 01:03

Cher cherbrennan@rn.com

Well put.....


Chris Rock exposes the truth about some issues 15.Feb.2004 08:17

Roger Kaputnick

I don't pay much attention to Chris Rock, but saw a tape of one of his comedy shows a few years ago. He exposed the truth about Social Security: it discriminates based on life expectancy. Black men in cities live to only 58. S---, we're paying into the system and we'll be dead before we're old enough to collect. The Social Security commission should be ADDING money to brothers' paychecks!

Though said as comedy, he's right. Socialist Security takes from the poor oppressed groups and gives to rich privileged groups.

Of course this site is full of socialist commies who support discriminatory government practices such as SS that take from the poor and give to the rich, so there are probably a lot of people offended by Rock's remarks.

Chris Rock is funny as hell 20.Apr.2004 06:23


Are you guys kidding me? He's not funny? Well, he sure made me laugh, i'd love to see him live one day. I laugh so hard it hurts, look what he achieved, how
can he not be funny? He's not Richard Pryor, not andy kauffman, he's chris rock.

>Funny like Pepsi.
>Fuck him.

You talked like you hated him.. geez..