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Letter from Resident Select George W. Bush to the Left

Please help me sabotage Kerry
Fellow citizens. I think today my Admin'stration and you on the Left have a common goal, and I think you know what that goal is. I ask you, citizens of the Left, to help me in sabotagin' the John Kerry Campaign. Tell ya what I'm gonna do. You guys like to protest, right? Well I'll promise you 4 more years of all kind a stuff you can protest about: more war, more pollution, less jobs, you name it.

This Kerry guy is bad news....but don't forget he's just like me. So what if he was a leading member of Vietnam Veterans Against the War, So what if he's the Senate's top Environmentalist, So what if he led the Iran-Contra Investigation, so what if he opposed the Gulf War and led the BCCI investigation. He's just like me. Yes, he SAYS he wants peace, he SAYS he wants a hydrogen economy...but you can't trust them Massachewsits Lib'rals anyhow.

So here's what you guys should do: vote for a 3rd party, and I'll take care of the rest. I'll sabotage him from the Right and you from the Left and we'll have ourselves a ball in 2005-08. Hey if you elect Kerry you won't have Dubya, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rove, Pearl, Wolfowitz, and Ashcroft to kick around anymore. So come on guys, I'll give you 4 more years of fun things to protest about; just keep doing what your doing opposin' this guy Kerry, and we'll both get what we want. And you can even keep talking about the JFK assassination, you know, how it was a coup an' all, and you won't have to worry about putting someone more Progressive than JFK in the White House. You can just keep protesting me...don't worry, I won't mind. So we got ourselves a deal?

Happy to protest any of you Bonesmen 11.Feb.2004 09:45

The Left

Elitist jerks that you are.

Skull and Bones Forever 11.Feb.2004 10:30

Kerry Zombie

Kerry did his part in killing 2 million innocent people, then felt kinda bad about it. He has had decades to improve environmental standards, yet our planet is dying, with mass extinctions expected in the next 50 years. On the plus side, he presided over the Iran-Contra and BCCI whitewashes, making sure that nobody was held accountable. Not to worry, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rove, Pearl, Wolfowitz, and Ashcroft will still be on hand as "consultants" under a Kerry Presidency- it's the Bonesmen way! If we don't get someone in there that has a proven record of sucking the corporate teat, who WILL represent the massive heartless multinational corporations? Who will be left to give our national treasures to?

Not to worry that Kerry voted to route the US Constitution with his support of the PATRIOT Act. So what if he abdicated his Constitutional responsibility in deciding matters of war by backing Bushco's illegal invasion based on fantasy? So what if this undermines the UN Charter? Should Kerry be in a prison cell for these treasonous actions? I say NO! Kerry will stand firm to support every American that gives him lots of money. He has accepted more big corporate lobby money than any other candidate, but his 'fighting for the little guy' platform at least makes me think that he is looking out for me.

This condecending approach worked so well for the Dean campaign, it can't lose here. I could vote for a third party candidate, but that doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense, since it is still early in the primary season. Kerry seems to have purchased enough votes for now, so he won't need mine for the primary.

Maybe I will vote for a truly progressive candidate like Dennis Kucinich just to see the look on Kerry's face. Then again, why risk it. How would I cope without Skull OR Bones leading the way?

Kerry is not my first choice 11.Feb.2004 11:38

PHH

But it looks like it will be Kerry vs. Bush.

If that happens, I will vote for Kerry even if there are better candiates in the Green Party. Having a Democrat in the Whitehouse will help restore a balance of power.

We should not mindlessly reject Kerry just because of the Bonesman issue.

And think about this. If Bush was so bad his first term, what will he be like on his second term when he does not give a shit for reelection!

Kerry may not be what he says he is, but we KNOW what Bush is. A vote for Kerry is a vote against Bush.

Don't listen to the Freepers who are trolling here, telling you to vote for your first choice, a canidate who cannot win, because they know that will help Bush.

Any way you cut it, Kerry is better than Bush.

Boners Don't Care 11.Feb.2004 12:05

Bones

Vote for Kerry! Vote for Bush! We win either way! Ya see, Bonesmen have one primary goal- to help other Bonesmen get into positions of power. Bonesmen are very successful with this plan. Vote for Bush, we win because we won't have to repackage our Bonesmen agenda, to make it appear different than that of the Bush Bonesmen agenda. Vote for Kerry, we win again! We'll have a bit more work in remarketing the Skull and Bones platform to seem less threatening, but as a side bonus, we'll have watered down the opposition, having left the less informed resistance to Bush with the illusion that the situation will improve.

The Kerry zombies are getting a bit ahead of themselves, though. It is still very early in the Democratic primary race, and Kerry has a long, long way to go before he can seal up the nomination. Bush is not running in the Democratic primaries, so the choice between Kerry and Bush is a non-issue at this point.

Short of the screech, the Kerry campaign appears to be making the exact same missteps that led to Dean's downfall. I thnk Kerry still has plenty of time to blow it, and bow out to make room for a non-Skull and Bones candidate. Kerry is becomming the new and improved political windsock, and has already squandered most of his campaign funds, including millions of his own, in his effort to purchase the US Presidency on the behalf of his shareholders.

Vote for Bush 11.Feb.2004 16:00

Father Time

It would make more sense to vote for Bush than eight years of Harry Kerry. Bush is the known evil and we only have to tolerate his dumb ass for four more years.

second choice first? 12.Feb.2004 01:09

what's a freeper?

"And think about this. If Bush was so bad his first term, what will he be like on his second term when he does not give a shit for reelection!"

Bingo. There you go. One of my last desperate hopes is that the next president will enter office knowing he's there because you do not do what Bush did and continue another term. Keep in mind, it is a desperate hope, but re-election seems to motivate Bush now into at least some fake concessions. Bush losing might motivate the next person into a few real ones.

"Kerry may not be what he says he is, but we KNOW what Bush is. A vote for Kerry is a vote against Bush."

If what he is, that isn't what he says, is another Bush, what's the point anymore? Can I vote for someone who could be just like someone I couldn't vote for in a million years? I wish we had a system where if both candidates make you want to barf, you can just actually subtract a vote from the one that makes you barf more instead of actually giving one of the clowns a point, but that is just a wish. Kerry admitting he's a Skull and Boner doesn't worry me much if his frat loyalty doesn't keep him from running against his Boner Brother Bush, but some of Kerry's alleged remarks about the anti-war movement etc. posted up the front page here, do.

But this almost sounds like someone is going to blame Bush on us again, we who voted for Nader last time- in a rigged election no less! Personally, I'd blame the rigging, hmmm? I'd at least like to grant in my own view that someone who can't even stand to vote at all can abstain without "helping Bush". How about, a vote that isn't for Bush, is a vote that isn't for Bush, even if it's no vote at all, and just be glad it isn't for Bush.

"Don't listen to the Freepers who are trolling here, telling you to vote for your first choice, a candidate who cannot win, because they know that will help Bush."

Nah, I say that because I hope it will help my first choice (duh!- and it will help me keep my lunch down). We're still in the primaries. Kerry doesn' t need my help in the primaries. In November I may go with the above logic about re-election prospects being behavioral modifiers, and vote Kerry... or I may write in the unmentionable Mr. First Choice, or write in some other guy named "This Whole Thing is a Total Farce", I dunno- I'll jump off that bridge when I come to it... if Bush doesn't push Kerry off that bridge first.

The opening prospect of Bush with no leash at all anymore, certainly makes it clear that whatever the options are, voting for Bush is NOT one of them.