I, for one, am absolutely indebted to Michael Powell for acting speedily on this most pressing of global issues. Not since Ralph Nader called for an independent inquiry into the Lakers' game six victory over the Sacramento Kings ( http://espn.go.com/nba/playoffs2002/s/2002/0605/1390908.html) has our nation experienced such a crisis of almost Gingrichian proportions.
One hopes that the so-called independent investigation on 9/11 and the prosecution of Enron executives may be immediately abandoned so that the feds may devote all necessary resources to ferreting out the truth behind Janet Jackson's naked breast.
Colin Powell, Michael's father, is expected to address the United Nations later in the week on this very issue.
Stay tuned to CNN for any late-breaking updates on this story.