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gender & sexuality

Neo-lesbianism and the Decline of Western Civilization

I think that a lot of American women have been brainwashed by the distorted messages they have been getting from Hollywood, television, and the various self-appointed "women's sexuality" experts of the last decade.
MensNewsDaily.com, January 23, 2004

Okay. I'm a traditionalist. Mea culpa. But first let me set something straight (no pun intended).

For the record, I simply do not give a hoot about anyone's sexual preferences. If two consenting adults decide to engage in sexual activity -- no matter how bizarre or sordid it might be -- in the privacy of their own domicile, my opinion is that this is their business and their prerogative. If no one is being harmed or imposed upon unfairly, there is no reason for anyone to fuss about anything.

But since things in our society have now "progressed" far beyond this, I feel compelled to do exactly that. So fuss I shall...

In case you haven't been paying attention, there's a new phenomenon on the rise. It involves a generation of young -- and not so young -- heterosexual women who are engaging in open, public sexual behavior amongst themselves in an apparent response to the "cultural overdose of metrosexuality." Some call it the "Flexosexual Revolution," while I prefer a much simpler term -- "neolesbianism."

So what is neolesbianism, and how is this any different than the "run-of-the-mill" female "bi-curious" behavior? (And why am I in such a dither about it?)

Well, to begin with, this "new female sexuality" is all about one thing -- shock value. Or rather, it is about shocking people -- usually men -- for the sake of getting a response from total strangers. It is attention-seeking behavior at its most pathological. And it is just plain rude and crass.

Have you been "out on the town" recently? If you have, it is quite likely that you have seen straight women making out and groping each other at all of the hip clubs and lounges. As you scan the dance floor, you will see groups of young women in low cut jeans and skimpy tops bumping and grinding against each other and exchanging "Britney-Madonna" kisses while hordes of fellows egg them on. (Heck, if you're really "lucky," you even might stumble across a live filming of "Girls Gone Wild" -- starring that wonderful male role model, Snoop Doggy Dog.)

And you don't even have to go out to the clubs to be subjected to neolesbianism, either. Just turn on any local broadcast television station. In Newton Minnow's aptly-named "vast wasteland," you can tune in to any number of sit-coms or "reality-TV" shows where you are quietly likely to see the same thing. Just watch "Elimidate." And, if you are brave enough to turn on the evening news, you might even hear about how junior high school girls are charging male classmates $5 apiece to watch them make out with each other during recess.

Let's not even bring up what's being aired on cable TV.

So why should I be in such a spot of bother about all of this? After all, aren't these people just "being themselves" and "exercising their freedom of choice and expression"?

The short answer is no -- they are not exercising their freedom of choice and expression because they are imposing upon others with different value systems. In other words, they are not simply asking for the right to engage in the sexual expression of their choice. They are, quite conversely, forcing others -- total strangers nonetheless -- to vicariously experience their sexuality while demanding that these same strangers accept and condone such behavior. It is expecting respect without initially giving it.

Rather presumptuous, don't you think?

So why the sudden rise in neolesbianism?

I think it comes down to two factors. First of all, modern American women are much more sexually empowered now than they ever were in the past. They now have the complete freedom to express their sexuality in whatever manner they choose and with little to no reprisal.

Second, I think that a lot of American women have been brainwashed by the distorted messages they have been getting from Hollywood, television, and the various self-appointed "women's sexuality" experts of the last decade. Need proof? How about this:

- They watch "Kissing Jessica Stein" and conclude that when one is fed up with dating men, dating women is a much more elegant solution.

- They tune into "Sex and the City" or "Will and Grace" where gay men and women are hip and compassionate while straight men are boorish and slovenly.

- They read university "studies" which conclude that female-female relationships are much more intimate, nurturing, and emotionally fulfilling than male-female relationships.

- And they watch Britney Spears lip lock with Madonna and receive nothing but praise and reward for engaging in such a behavior.

It doesn't take a genius to realize how such warped views of male-female relationships can distort a person's thinking -- and can influence his or her actions.

Just so you don't think I'm pinning all of the blame on the fairer sex, I do agree with the supposition that neolesbianism (or whatever you chose to label it) is in many ways a response to the metrosexual contagion which has afflicted so many American men. In fact, I'm rather worried that these misguided fellows might follow suit with their own version of it.

Can you imagine legions of straight fellows bumping and grinding against each other on the dance floor in an effort to shock women into liking them -- or to at least succeed in getting their attention?

I shudder to think of such a possibility.

Steve Hernan is a healthcare executive and freelance writer living in Chicago.

homepage: homepage: http://mensnewsdaily.com/archive/h/hernan/2004/hernan012304.htm

what a joke 25.Jan.2004 11:10


>Can you imagine legions of straight fellows bumping and grinding against each other on the dance floor in an effort to shock women into liking them -- >or to at least succeed in getting their attention?

>I shudder to think of such a possibility.

oh boy, ha ha ha ha, it would be worth it just to get such a dumb response from someone like you. so lets get this straight HA HA HA, you think its cool if they dont leave their house and 'harm' anyone. well what about you steve? ever think your behavior could harm someone? like your moral aghastness at such lewd behavior HA HA HA you crack me up buddy.

I suppose you would support our grand leader in his quest to protect the american people from the "arbitrary will" of "activist judges" and to "unleash the compassion" right steve? you ever "unleash the compassion" buddy? ha ha ha

if our chief prsident tries to make an amendment preventing civil unions between same sex individuals, what will you think then, huh? you half baked libertarian? that promise to uphold the will of america by GW was the sickest piece of hateful propaganda i have ever seen set loose on the american public.

look, you can have your opinions, ok? but let me tell you, there are many more things wrong in this world than straight girls making out with each at hip hop clubs. get a clue, then maybe you could get a date - do metrosexuals go on dates?

Hot For Steve 25.Jan.2004 11:22

Steve's Best Friend

Steve, you've been turning me on for years, and you know it, and I know it, so why run from a true feeling? Yes Steve, we can bump and grind TOO, it's OK! We can do it for each other, and if others want to watch, that is there business.

The women are leading the way, and helping men find a way to love each other, carnally. Thank you women! Steve is trying, you can tell in his article that he is turned on just by the thought of bumping and grinding with another man, and I want you to know that I'm here Steve. That's right, your best friend.

Thank you, all you neo-lesbians! In another year or so, with your help, Steve will be in my arms. Ooohh la la!

Sounds to me like 25.Jan.2004 12:11

Social observer

Steve couldn't get a date with his own hand.

huh? 25.Jan.2004 17:32


So Stevie,
How in the hell do you know anything about the way women relate to each other?
For the record, on a minor point, women have been dancing together for years.
You seem awfully misguided, or perhaps your girl broke up with you?
PS Even the Bible has nothing to say about women together.

Neo-Bozo 25.Jan.2004 18:12


Who the hell cares? People should do whatever they want with their sexuality as long as it's consensual. What's with this Neo-lesbianism label? Sounds to me like Steve's a Neo-Bozo.

WhiteMensWhineDaily 25.Jan.2004 18:25


Anything on MensNewsDaily.com is bound to be whiny, adolescent and bigoted, if you have a strong stomach read the message boards on there, too.

and what the fuck does sexuality have to do with the fall of a civilization??? 25.Jan.2004 21:03

what man would complain about seeing a "trend"in"lesbianism"

I'm sorry but i see nothing wrong with women being in love... in fact,i hate to be a bit of a pig, but as a guy (you know with the desperate, cliche, two girls fantasy and all)i can't help but love the sight of women in love(emotional or physical ; ) )... it's just beautiful, period. While i don't have the same appreiciation for men doing the same, I don't really care what they do that is, I don't see how this indicates the fall of a society. I understand no one here is actually taking this guys article as well thought out, I just wonder how does a same sex bump and grind equate the end of the world... I mean christ whats the worst that could happen? trends in (insert homosexual stereo type here) begin to rise? does this guy really think human biology can be influenced by celebrity magazines? I have a strong suspicion that the author is feeling a little insecure about his own feelings here.

Americans are funny 26.Jan.2004 04:16

English teacher in China

American people, activists and whatnot included, are absurdly homophobic in a wierd way. In any other country on earth (except maybe Canada, Australia, and England) straight men and women will touch each other all the time. People here in China are MUCH more homophobic in the obvious way than Americans. Ask any Chinese person what they think about homosexuality and they will always talk about how disgusting it is and how it has no place in their society.

However, boys will sit in each others laps and girls will give each other kisses because really, in every rational sense, there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. In fact, it makes more sense for a person to satisfy their need for human contact with someone of the same sex. At least you know they won't want to fuck you (that is, unless the purpose of touching someone is to be fucked). When I told a Chinese girl that no, I don't usualy like to take a bath in a big room with 30 other men like Chinese people do, she looked at me like I had leprosy. "Who washes your back?!" she blurted out.

I hates 'em but they turns me on? 26.Jan.2004 09:18

closet progressive

"Have you been "out on the town" recently? If you have, it is quite likely that you have seen straight women making out and groping each other at all of the hip clubs and lounges. As you scan the dance floor, you will see groups of young women in low cut jeans and skimpy tops bumping and grinding against each other and exchanging "Britney-Madonna" kisses while hordes of fellows egg them on."

So what is the problem? The "Britney-Madonna" kisses, or the "hoardes of fellows" egging them on to turn a lifestyle choice into a floor show for men? That this kind of behavior might be intended to scandalize someone, or that someone lets it?

I would have a problem with the fellows being scandalized by something they were cheering for. I would have an even bigger problem with a household where the fellow watches "Elimidate" faithfully hoping to see women kiss and talk about being bi, and the lady watches "Queer Eye" faithfully, but you still can't get either one to think that gay marriages are a good idea. If you can tolerate it, you can tolerate it, end of story as far as I'm concerned.

Turn off the damn TV 26.Jan.2004 11:24


Anybody old enough to remember the early days of talk shows? I'm old enough to remember Donohue when he was starting out. Having gays on his show confronting right wing religious lunatics was a staple. The right wingers would eventually say you all "choose to be this way and are trying to influence children" and the gays would scream "were born this way and" "it's 100% genetic programming so we couldn't be trying to influence children and you're ignorant bigots thinking anything else"! I remember one show when the gays showed up and Donohue turned to the audience and said does anyone have a problem with this? Nobody said a word. The arguing had ended the gays apparently won the talk show arena. Anyone disputing them was automatically ignorant, bigoted & homophobic. Then something interesting started happening. Lesbians started appearing by themselves (without gay men) and would specify or imply male behavior as the reason for their lesbianism! They didn't always say it directly but you know the drill, they had always been betrayed by men in some way or men were dull and uninteresting. This theme of lesbianism as revenge against men has become a staple in the media entertainment industry (particularly talk shows). Shock talk show Jerry Springer has taken this to a new level entirely, I would suggest that lesbians (who of course are always young and sexy), leaving jerk men for other women is the bread and butter of his show. Or course Jerry tries to balance this out by having men leave women for other men but let's face it, in the 3 ring circus of Jerry Springer it's the lesbians that are center ring. This of course ties in with the talk show history male bashing, selling the angst of women toward men to feed ratings. Shows like Roseanne, movies like First Wives Club, there are many many I could list, imply or state clearly that lesbianism is some statement of revenge toward men and this begs a question: If lesbianism is 100% genetic programming why is male behavior specified as a reason for lesbianism? Excuse me but your sexuality being affected by an environmental influence is not genetic. Ever notice that no matter how much lesbians suggest that their sexuality is influenced by male behavior nobody ever points out the contradiction? Because the person pointing it out will be buried under waves of accusation of bigotry and homophobia. There's no rationality behind it, just emotion and anger. <p>
It's good somebody pointed out the presence of "bisexual" or "suggested lesbianism" on dating shows. What I think is really interesting is how womens "bisexuality" becomes a defensive reaction to rejection, or possible rejection, or a way of grandstanding with an anti-male message. If they suspect they might be rejected they sniff "I was really more interested in a woman", or they go through an exaggerated display of disgust toward men and "walk away with a woman". <p>
I wonder how these messages are affecting young girls? It's one thing when you are an adult but when you are at or under the age of adolescence how does this affect you? Some people will say "These shows are all on when kids are at school or asleep" Bullshit, I have kids and I know damn well and good that many if not most, kids have plenty of access to television at the odd hours these shows are on and have actually fielded questions concerning the gay messages they have seen. I wouldn't mind if the messages were about positive images of gay people, but when they are about a negative image of lesbianism as being a statement toward men I get furious. <p>Adolescence is a cruel time. I've heard the theory that a persons basic personality is formed by age 3. That may be true but adolescence is when you become aware of what you are. What your social status is. Are you unpopular? Popular? Ugly? Fat? Short? The stereotype is that men have these unattainable standards for young women and reject them when they can't achieve them. If you are overweight, not pretty enough, not feminine enough then men deny you social acceptance. I'm not denying that this exists or that men can be this way what I am going to point out is that women aren't any better. What if a man is excessively overweight? Too short? Too skinny? A wimp? A geek? A nerd? Or just can't assume comfortably the roles of ultra masculinity men must conform to. Are young girls (or old ones for that matter) any less cruel to young boys who don't fit male stereotypes? Of course not. This very simple concept is utterly ignored in the world of adolescent psychology, often practiced in the mainstream media as trying to "empower" and "build self esteems" of young women. I would like to teach my daughter that having a strong self esteem involved seeing a balance in relationships between men and women. Yes, you need to demand respect from men but you also need to respect them back. I am disturbed that messages are being delivered to her that lesbianism is a way to enhance the power of her sexuality toward men or get back at them for social status she perceived was denied her (by boys). These messages have been present in the media for at least two decades now and we have a generation of young women that were exposed to them as pre adolescents and we are seeing the results of this now. I have heard that "lesbianism" is become "epidemic", probably an exaggeration but I do believe there has been a dramatic increase and I believe this is primarily due to the influence of the media. I have had many gay friends over the years and, despite my progressive politics, my opinion that homosexuality is a combination of environmental and genetic influence has gotten me in trouble from time to time - (I would like to interject this: I believe that most male homosexuality is genetic. Homosexuality in women is primarily environmental. Why? I don't see an association with female bashing and male homosexuality in the media. Most gay men I know aren't hostile, bitter or angry toward women. Yes, there are misogynist gay men but they are a small minority. Most lesbians I have encountered have underlying bitterness and hostility toward men (though many of them mask it well), I believe most of this is centered around difficult adolescent experiences that they blame men for). - There has been a lot of research as to whether homosexuality is genetic or environmental and nothing has ever been definitively proven. I believe all you ultimately have to go by is what you see in peoples behavior around you. As long as I continue to see these messages in the media and behaviors in gay women I will continue to believe this.<p>
For some very provocative reading about homosexuality I would suggest reading Camille Paglia's book "Vamps & Tramps". As a bisexual woman she has made some remarkably honest statements about the reasons for homosexuality in this society. Her writings have earned her the enmity of virtually the entire mainstream/radical lesbian/feminist community but that's what honesty does to you. It infuriates people.

Odd language choice 26.Jan.2004 12:40

Bison Boy

Why does the author choose to label this behavior "neolesbianism"? He claims it to be a "simpler term," but I don't think that's true at all. One wonders if the author is simply sloppy, or if he has a hidden agenda.

The word lesbian carries all manner of cultural baggage that may or may not be germane to this observed behavior. The word brings in many more complications than it clarifies in this case, and I think it's a poor choice. And the "lesbian" part is not the only problem with his label. "Neo" implies newness or novelty, not falsehood. What is described here might be "pseudo"-lesbianism, but it is clearly not "neo"-lesbianism. (I expect many true lesbians are as appalled by this behavior as the author seems to be, and will be more than a bit miffed at his appropriation of their own label to describe it.)

"Flexosexual" is actually a much more informative term. With little thought, one can clearly see that the word describes the observed behavior: heterosexuals pretending to homosexuality as a sexual display aimed at enticing the opposite sex. Sexual flexibility; flexosexual. These are flexosexual women, and the author fears to see flexosexual men.

I'm finding it hard to imagine any neutral and competent way that the author could have been motivated to choose the term he did. It seems to me that he was either very cavalier in his choice, or that he was looking for some shock value of his own. My guess is that he was trying to use this "shocking" behavior to cast lesbianism itself in a bad light while seeming to be open-minded. It looks like a classic case of spin to me.

Which is it, Mr. Herman? Not nice, or not competent?

Opinion 04.Mar.2004 16:32

D.I. Sgt Smith / usmc parris island champlinka@mcrdpi.usmc.mil

I agree with the author 100%. The people who disagree are either female and act in these ways, or they are young men and the mere sight of this behaivor is like a fantasy in the flesh. I remember when I was younger, going out to the club with friends and there would be maybe a couple girls who would kiss and grope each other. The men enjoyed watching and the other women really didnt care. It is infact the mens fault for the increase of this behaivor, mostly by showing an intrest in it, cheerting it on and praising it. Is it a sexy thing to see? yes it is. Is it also demoralizing to men? yes it is. After all 90% of the women 16-30 in the state of california are "bi" or Lesbian. Whats a guy to do, some would rather have a straight women for a girlfriend, but those guys are few, and more mature. Most want to have their cake and eat it too (no pun intended) These guys want that Bi girl so that he can have 3somes every night. He just might get what he wants, for a while. With 3 people involved, or a third wheel in the shadows (the other girl) The relationship is going to be emotionally unattached, and after these guys are left for a woman, or some other man too many times, their going to get frustrated and begin to see exactly what I mean by demoralizing. I quit going out long ago after the rise of the trendy lesbianism, what could have possibly been something worth talking about with the guys after a night out has turned into a nation wide epidemic. Maybe these girls like the attention, or are truly in love with the hoochie they dance with, if so then so be it. Personally I think they are just low-class and are afraid to try and have a real relationship with a man. They would rather have 100 men googling over them instead. Sounds like a peep-show to me. Furthermore, what these women dont realize is that they are now the majority, most men are tired of it and a sexy STRAIGHT woman is what they are seeking, So lesbos and Bi chicks...keep on dancin cause some men dont care.