portland independent media center  
images audio video
newswire article reposts united states

arts and culture | government

State of the Union drinking game

Fun for all, except those of us who actually live in the US where it's just self-medication...
The George W Bush State of the Union drinking game
Watch out for the guy in the suit -- he can't be trusted


WHAT YOU NEED:

A group of four taxpayers: including 1 white guy wearing a suit, 2 wearing normal clothes and 1 in semi-shabby clothes.

A shot glass per person (all bought in a secondhand store)

100 tiny toothpicks with American flags wrapped around them.

A slab of soft French cheese, i.e., brie.

A large stash of beer. The one in the ragged clothing gets the cheapest crap you can find, like Milwaukee's Best; the white guy in the suit gets to drink whatever import he wants; and the other two pick between Bud and Miller Lite.
Rules of the Game:

1. Whenever George W mentions the liberation of the freedom-loving Iraqi people, the last person to grab his throat in a choking motion has to drink four shots of beer.

2. Whenever George W uses the words: "God," "America" or "jobs," drink a shot of beer.

3. Whenever George W mispronounces the word "terrorism" the last person to knock on wood drinks two shots of beer.

4. Whenever George W mentions the phrase "sanctity of marriage," take a shot of beer. The first time this happens, the last person to finish has to drink two more shots of beer and do the dishes during the Democratic Response.

5. Whenever the speech is interrupted by applause, the last person to stick one of the American flag toothpicks into the soft French cheese from a distance of two feet drinks two shots of beer. The white guy in the suit gets an extra chance each round.

6. Whenever George W smirks during a standing ovation, take turns drinking shots of beer until the audience sits down. Do it double time if his shoulders shake with silent laughter.

7. If the Vice President Dick Cheney or First Lady Laura Bush are caught on camera not paying attention and talking to somebody else while Puppet- Boy is still speaking, drink a whole beer.

8. If George W Bush mentions Halliburton, his inability to find the Weapons of Mass Destruction or Osama bin Laden, the white guy in the suit has to drink a shot of everybody else's beer out of their shot glass, and they get to wipe their glass clean on his jacket.

9. If George W Bush attempts to make a joke, anybody who laughs drinks three shots of beer.

10. Whenever George W Bush quotes the Bible or uses the word "evildoers" in a sentence, the last person to fall to their knees drinks two shots of beer. If he pulls a quote from the Bible about "evildoers," the last person to get prostrate drinks an entire beer.

EXTRAS:

1. The white guy in the suit gets to kick the person wearing the shabby clothes if George W uses a heartfelt story of an individual's grace and/or courage under pressure to illustrate a point. He gets 15 seconds to kick everybody if that person is in the audience sitting next to an astronaut.

2. Everybody gets to kick the crap out of the guy in the suit for 15 seconds, only if Bush's teleprompter goes out and he begins to flail about mumbling nonsense about his days with the Texas Rangers.

homepage: homepage: http://www.workingforchange.com/article.cfm?itemid=16305

Nucular Mars Bars 20.Jan.2004 16:20

Easily Entertained

What happens if he mispronounes "Nuclear", or is that apt to happen so frequently that it's not sensible to include it?

I would also suggest that those present wait for him to say, "Mars" and then bit a chunk out of the aforementioned candy and spit it at the screen. Those whose pieces stick, get extra points.

or alternatively 20.Jan.2004 16:21

just trying to get through


Moon the Man 20.Jan.2004 16:22

Already Making Spitballs

So the pResident wants to put men on the moon again? When he mentions it, moon the man . . . and have another swig.

Pretty Funny 20.Jan.2004 16:40

HB

This was a rare commodity. Instead of tired Liberal lame shots at Bush - a genuinely humorous article! Not bad. Score one for your side!

In preperation for the State of the Union, remember 20.Jan.2004 17:15

James

Well, John the Baptist after torturing a thief
Looks up at his hero the Commander-in-Chief
Saying, "Tell me great hero, but please make it brief
Is there a hole for me to get sick in?"

The Commander-in-Chief answers him while chasing a fly
Saying, "Death to all those who would whimper and cry"
And dropping a bar bell he points to the sky
Saying, "The sun's not yellow, it's chicken"

Why R U Here? 20.Jan.2004 20:22

A Liberal

To HB:"Tired ,lame,liberal shots at Bush"? Believe me, with the pain this worthless sack of crap has caused liberals everywhere, pointing out the Resident's foibles is one of the only ways we have to get that pain out. I am a womon living on disability,raising a 3 yr old on my own and I live in fear all the time. And its not fear of FOREIGN terrorism,believe me. Why do people like you bother to stop by this site, anyway? I mean-you are welcome- everyone is- but why? Is it just to make people feel worse? Get some compassion, why don't you? Goddess, I wish all of America could find their compassion again.


Adorable drinking game! If you want to get REALLY fucked up, just take a shot every time he makes a grammatical error of any kind. Oh,well,maybe not. That way lies alcohol poisoning.Heeeeeheeeee.

drinking + state of the union address = damage to TV 22.Jan.2004 07:49

jfutrell

By the end of the State of the Union Address, our TV was lucky to escape serious damage from the sheer volume of beer cans that got thrown at it!!! If someone had screwed up & thrown a BOTTLE, we would have sent George Bush the bill!