portland independent media center  
images audio video
newswire article commentary portland metro

political theory

ten predictions for 2004

ten predictions for the new year
Portland is slowly emerging from the snow, and I'm feeling a bit wet and cold. It's easy to say that shovels are my best friends. Hail to all who made it to work in the midst of such conditions. I am out of work and waiting for the rest of you to get back to work so you can hire me.

"I'm a worker, there's just nothing worth working for." Richard Pryor.

In light of our present conditions, I think it best to look forward to all the great things we will see this year. That's what pauses are for, right? Looking forward or back.

This probably sounds pretty lame. But I can assure you - it may, in fact, be quite lame.

Ten Predictions for 2004:

10) People will start partying again. It happens after every war or period of gov't backed fear.
9) Saddam's trial will be overshadowed by Michael Jackson's.
8) Artists will continue to perish under the weight of capitalism and fear so that art can mean something again in the future. Art died with Warhol.
7) Reality TV shows will teach us how to fall in love.
6) Mad cow dis-ease will subconsciously allow us to dis-sent from our political leaders.
5) Manufacturing Workers will move to India and South America in search of work.
4) Health insurance will continue to get more expensive causing self-medication with beer and spirits.
3) We will eat a record number of pills.
2) North Korea will do something absolutely frightening and hilarious at the same time.
1) American Idol winner will receive more votes than the winner of the presidential election.

Happy 2004!
ten more 10.Jan.2004 21:47

yer mom

10. A democrat will get elected president and anyone to the left of the Greens will fall asleep.

9. AFL/CIO President Sweeney will join the WTO

8. The UFCW will merge with Kroger

7. Ronald Reagan will be on the ten cent piece

6. The ISO will infiltrate portland indymedia

5. The Eugene Anarchists will go back to college and get degrees in Economics

4. Howard Dean will join a co-counseling cult

3. Michael Jackson will run for Senate

2. A barbed wire fence will go around california, with checkpoints every quarter mile

1. The US will declare war on Canada

mom? 10.Jan.2004 22:50


mom, is that really you? why'd you give me up for adoption?

your son

because 10.Jan.2004 23:50

yer mom

'cause you ate your pudding before eating your meat.

exactly 11.Jan.2004 17:16

british school master

and HOW can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?!?!