Doctors fear that we may be on the verge of witnessing a global pandemic of obsequious pro-American fawning and toadying. Governments have been advised to put up posters bearing the image of the carrier of the disease at their local airports
Doctors have issued a global warning about a newly detected disease that is rapidly making its way across the world via air travel. The sickness is called the George Bush Association Syndrome (GBAS), is highly contagious and has no known cure.
It appears to be a disease that primarily affects politicians and heads of state, and those who become infected show dangerous symptoms of loss of political will and direction which include the inability to form a coherent foreign policy without the approval of Washington; acute fear of losing American aid and diplomatic support; an unhealthy paranoia of Muslims and all things remotely connected to Islam, Arabs and Muslim culture; a tendency to mouth the platitudes and inanities of the 'war against terror' discourse and a creeping blindness to the contradictions of American foreign policy. At the final stages of the disease those infected become permanent 'guests' of the White House and can be seen standing outside the White House's main door, begging bowl in hand.
The 'super spreader' of this disease is an American citizen going by the name of George W Bush Junior who apparently thinks that he actually won the last American Presidential election and who suffers from the delusion that he is the most important man in the world. The disease is spread through close physical contact, and a handshake or pat on the back/head is enough to pass it on to unwitting victims.
The man in question, George W Bush Junior, was last seen on an Asian tour where he visited several countries including South Korea, Singapore and Indonesia. In all the countries he visited, the heads of state were immediately infected and began showing signs of loss of will and a pro-American bias. Soon enough they began issuing statements that they supported the American 'war against terror' and that they actually believed that the unilateral invasion of Iraq was for the sake of the Iraqi people and to serve the needs of democracy, freedom and civil rights. The more seriously infected leaders then vowed to support America's military adventure in Iraq and even claimed that they would send their troops there in order to replace America's 'crusaders for democracy' who have, of late, been walking targets for anti-American militia forces.
The net result of this pandemic is that it has caused chaos and political upheavals the world over. Thanks to their leaders' decision to support the USA in Iraq, the people of South Korea, Japan, Turkey, Pakistan, Indonesia, Philippines and other countries have risen in protest, bringing the political process to a standstill and nearly toppling their own governments. This has not stopped the spread of the disease, however, as the main contaminating agent currently visiting yet another unsuspecting country — Britain — though it is said that the country's leader has long since been infected by GBAS already.
The spread of GBAS has aroused the keen interest of physicians, social scientists and psychologists the world over. Scientists have tried to draw a correlation between the disease and other concrete socio-political factors: It comes at a time when the government of the United States of America seems more insistent on imposing its will on the rest of the planet than ever before.
The US is still maintaining its high tariffs on overseas Steel imports into the country, and refuses to play by the rules of the game. At the same time it is sending its garbage and toxic materials abroad (even though the country is more than capable of processing and disposing such material at home). George Bush arrives in Britain at the same time as the arrival of more toxic waste — in this case in the form of dysfunctional ships that contain toxic material said to be dangerous to the environment.
Putting two and two together, scientists have come up with a tentative prognosis for now: They claim that GBAS is more likely to infect those countries that have been long-term strategic allies and cronies of the United States, and that thanks to this long-term exposure to American double-dealing and hypocritical machinations they have lost their natural immunity to the disease.
It is interesting to note that one country that has not shown any signs of GBAS is Iran, which has long since been suspicious of anything remotely American. By contrast, the one country in Asia that has witnessed the most acute cases of GBAS is the Philippines, which was once an American colony and whose leaders have — almost without exception — all been chosen and supported by the United States. Britain is therefore more than likely to develop signs of GBAS, as its former leader Margaret Thatcher was thought to be suffering from a variant of GBAS, the Ronald Reagan Association Complex (RRAC).
As GBAS makes its rounds all over the world doctors fear that we may be on the verge of witnessing a global pandemic of obsequious pro-American fawning and toadying. As there is no cure for this malady at present, doctors have advised governments the world over to issue a general health alert and to put up posters bearing the image of the carrier of the disease at their local airports. The only precautions that have been issued thus far is to resist all forms of contact with George Bush Junior and to keep him out of the country, unless one wishes to lose the next elections as a result of being contaminated by the Bush virus.
Dr Farish A Noor is a Malaysian political scientist and human rights activist