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Terror is a triple-meat pizza

Hmmm...wonder what they make the "beef and cheese compound" with.
Terror Is A Triple Meat Pizza
Who needs war and evildoers and a big nuclear holocaust? We've got a national obesity epidemic

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist Wednesday, November 12, 2003


To hell with Osama. Enough with al Qaeda. Screw global warming or killer locusts or the Second Coming. Evildoer terrorists and anthrax and SARS, AIDS and nuclear holocausts and cute cataclysmic asteroid collisions? Whatever.

Ain't got nothing on America's proud obesity epidemic, baby. Rampant, uncontrolled, pandemic weight issues are upon us, huge, unstoppable, nationwide, like a runaway train of ignorance and misinformation and disease and imminent heart failure bearing down on everything we think we are, right now.

What, too dramatic? Hardly. Obesity is no longer just a curiosity. It is no longer just an "alarming trend." It is no longer just a statistic, a whiny hot-button debate, a PC lightning rod wherein fat advocates and skinny finger-pointers bitch about who is to blame and who is a victim and who can just shut up and get over it and start eating better and exercising.

We are inventing bathroom scales that go to 1,000 pounds. We are inventing sponges on a stick so fat people can scrub hard-to-reach subdivisions of their bodies. We are inventing devices to help the obese put on their socks.

We are supersizing bath towels and we are redesigning car seats and pushing the steering wheel further forward to accommodate massive girth and enormous guts. And we are, most tellingly, cranking out extra-large caskets as fast as we can build them, because we know what's coming, soon.

The bottom line is, we are killing ourselves with fat. And chemicals. And hormones. And gluttony. The cultural complexion is shifting, radically. The statistics are overwhelming and irrefutable and sad -- over 50 percent of adults overweight, over 30 percent obese, huge increases in fat children, cancer rates escalating, diabetes skyrocketing, ligament problems and organ failure and tumors and heart disease and impotence and infertility and bad hair and a thousand other related ailments, all coupled with a massive wave of Prozac-slammed anxiety and depression like a never-ending sitcom in hell.

It is without refute: We are, as a culture, as a country, enormously addicted, worse than heroin, worse than coffee, worse than porn, worse than BushCo's bogus war or Fox News' bogus news or Jessica Simpson's ditzy self or any happy narcotic you can name, to an enormous array of garbage foods and known legal poisons and industrial additives. A great many of the foods we are fed as children contain so many chemicals and toxins, they actually cause debilitating weight-gain illness in healthy adults who exercise like crazy and eat like birds, such as PCOS and hypothyroidism.

It is incredibly messy, this issue. It is complicated. There is no single cause and no single solution and there is no single attack plan, no way to list all the facets of the problem.

But then there's you. We can finger-point all we want, but until there's a huge cultural shift and a massive change in the educational system coupled with an enormous global class-action lawsuit against the impotent FDA and McDonald's and KFC and Monsanto and ConAgra and Iowa Beef Packers (IBP) and all the rest who cram BGH and animal feces and deadly bacteria into your frozen liquefied microwavable wax-coated prebrowned beef/chicken/cheese-nugget dinner, you have only you to account for.

It is utter BS to believe ourselves powerless. It is total disaster to buy into the whole "pathetic victim" scenario, that it's just so hard to change our food awareness because Whole Foods is too expensive and we are just too busy and, besides, we are just too deeply addicted to the chemicals and the toxins and everyone knows addicts have to go through enormous trauma and physical discomfort and rehab in order to have colons that actually function properly.

What a crock. This is what they love you to think. To be sure, it can be a challenge to get healthy and change your body, or to become more food conscious, but it's far from impossible.

These are the things we must learn. For many, maybe it's simply a matter of starting slowly, weaning yourself off toxic foodstuffs. Start with heavily processed foods, refined sugar, all that neon-lit nuclear-colored Safeway and Albertson's and Foodland processed crap with unpronounceable chemicals and fillers and binding agents and hormones and shards of thumb.

Maybe we need to start reading ingredient lists. Compare. Contrast. Ask basic and commonsense questions, like, which is better, the natural chips with four organic ingredients, or the preliquefied heat-molded salt-crusted Pringles Xtreme Ranch, with 142 unpronounceable ones made by Dow Chemical? Feign ignorance, and ignore the obvious difference at your, and your body's, peril.

And, to start, you simply replace as many of those toxic processed foodstuffs we so love with the same exact foods from a healthier food store, Whole Foods or Real Foods or farmer's markets or even inner-city neighborhood garden programs, anything remotely close -- and, hell, even Safeway put in a natural-foods aisle. There are choices. There are options. It is absolutely worth a try.

And we must educate ourselves. The Net is a freakin' library. Half an hour reading up on organics and seasonal eating and natural ingredients and what to look out for, and you may never look back. You do not have to become a dogmatic extreme food Nazi. You do not need to be severe and pious and lopsided and never eat a steak or pizza again. You just need to be more aware. Much more.

Begin to shun fast food. Wean yourself off milk and refined sugar and excess floury gunk, and seek out organics, start moving in that direction, tune your awareness little by little. Buy a few books. Or just one. Fast Food Nation or Mad Cowboy or The Food Revolution or even Eating Well For Optimum Health. Grab the free newsletter at your local farmer's market or health-food store. Talk to an organic farmer. Pay attention.

We gotta give a damn where our food comes from. Far too few in this nation seem to give a damn about what they pump into their mouths. Make the connection that what you put into your body translates directly to how you feel, sleep, breath, function, orgasm, smile, think, move, smell and taste to others who may desire a lick of your divine chemical-free self.

What are you up against? Plenty. Poisonous crap like this breaded, deep fried, chemically treated disgusting french-fry thing, injected with "a beef-and-cheese compound" that is designed to taste like a cheeseburger and packs 4-6 grams of fat into each fry and is aimed straight at your child, via toxic school lunches, courtesy of the largely contemptible National Cattlemen's Beef Association.

This is their agenda. This is their cause. They have zero shame. And they could give a rat's chemotherapy needle for your, or your child's, overall health. "We want beef in dessert if we can get it there," says the association. They are serious. And they should be ashamed. And then strung up by their Rocky Mountain oysters and slapped with rancid slabs of diseased beef earmarked to become Taco Bell filling. Just an opinion.

The astounding truth remains: Wean yourself away from the lethal chemical/sugar food vortex, and your body changes. Your cravings change. Your skin and breath and energy shift. You desire greens. You desire fresh ingredients. Your body craves whole, real, unprocessed foods and you become more sensitive, can taste the difference in an organic avocado versus a conventionally grown one. Organic eggs from grain-fed free-range chickens have more energy.

You learn that seasonal eating actually synchs up with your body's natural tendencies. You realize you are not a whimpering pathetic victim, a slave to Coke and Doritos and that obnoxious football dink from Round Table pizza. It's kind of, you know, a nice realization.

There is no other way. You cannot count on the media. You cannot trust major pharmaceutical or fast-food or government-supported industries to have your best interests at heart. You cannot look to the church. Or schools. Or major chain supermarkets. Or television. Or sitcoms. Only you.

After all, who doesn't want to be around, all healthy and radiant and aglow, for the impending nuclear holocaust?


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Mark Morford's Notes & Errata column appears every Wednesday and Friday on SF Gate, unless it appears on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which it never does. He also writes the Morning Fix, a deeply skewed thrice-weekly e-mail column and newsletter. Subscribe at sfgate.com/newsletters.

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Fat Means 4-F, Though... 13.Nov.2003 02:47


However, your friendly neighborhood fast food joint may be your ticket out of the Iraq Quagmire - too much junk food and fast food will put you over the weight limits if there's a draft, and give you a 4-F classification.

Most of you have other things to do, as did Dick Cheney when his number was about to be called.

why are people afraid of the draft? 13.Nov.2003 03:33


1) have you ever heard of something called "non-cooperation"? Simply refuse to go die for the State when they ask you to - they have no right to exist, let alone cause your demise.

2) if/when the draft comes, there will be massive non-cooperation/resistance inside the US. All those middle class folks who previously just protested peacefully will think of other more effective actions to take against the State, and that is a good thing. Breaking into a recruiting office and shredding all their files might be more fun than some imagine. ;)

Eat to Live 13.Nov.2003 09:44


Actually, I've been hearing about health studies showing actual American calorie intake is up only about 2% from decades ago ... the biggest change is in the reduced amount of physical activity for most of us. If we all MOVED our fat asses, we could probably handle just about anything we chose to put into our mouths.

Sounds like this dude's personal trip to me 13.Nov.2003 11:43


There's a queer revolution group in the Bay Area that has a Body Fascism award. Maybe they could give it to this guy. Personally I get sick and tired of people's personal prejudices disguised as concern. I think people like this just want to feel superior and tell other people how to be, live, think, eat, etc. I agree that vegetarianism is better for people and the planet, but I'm not going to push my view on everybody else.

Mmmmmm 13.Nov.2003 12:47



dear bear 13.Nov.2003 13:25


mark morford's job is to write his opinion 3xs a week for the sfgate [sf chronicle & examiner]. so he gets paid to spread his views to all who read...so take it easy.

Uh, yeah, 13.Nov.2003 13:42

it's not healthy to be obese

My take is that Mark Morford's not dissing fat people but commenting on the marketing and promotion of chemically-produced, poisonous food-like substances and the resulting problems of illnesses related to obesity, depression, apathy, despair, and willingness to be controlled by the state.

Being overweight is different than being really fat. Being really fat usually causes health problems. Really fat people often develop diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, fatty liver, arthritis, chronic back pain, feeling like total shit all the time, inability to care for one's body because it's so big that the skin underneath breasts and testicles is peeling off, leaving open sores. Most very fat people despair of being really fat, and it's because the culture makes them feel that way.

Easy way to loose fat 13.Nov.2003 15:43

Skinny after being fat

Stop shoving so much CRAP into your fucking mouth.

Get out of your car and walk.

Don't use store fatty caddies.

Don't use fattycapped stickers to park close and let a truly handicapped person use the space.

But most important, stop shoving so much CRAP into your fucking mouth.

Morford is spot on 15.Nov.2003 14:32


You can be aware and concerned about the dramatic increase in obesity in Americans, particularly children, and not be a fat basher.

Plus you don't usually see anything about how media, advertising, agribusiness and corporate agendas impact the obesity issue. People are sold unhealthy diets and lifestyles the same way they are sold cars and wars.