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The Annotated Mitchell Column

Recently, Renee Mitchell ran a column in the Oregonian decrying the bicyclists' free ride. She called for mandatory helmets and bright clothing, plus strict fines and enforcement against rude bicycle behavior. I have thoughtfully provided an annotated response/illumination into the highlights of her column...which I sent to her. Enjoy!

Note: Mitchell pulls from her column in quotes and my literary annotations in parentheses.
"Bicyclists who break the law getting free ride"

(And what free ride is that? Traffic citations riding a bike cost the same as driving a car; and, the State of Oregon will suspend your driver's license if you fail to pay one, I repeat, one citation issued while cycling. Hyperbole. Rhetoric. Inflammatory yellow journalism.)

"10/06/03"

(You got the date right.)

"I nez Seim isn't one to cause trouble. But the 84-year-old Portlander does have certain points of view that she doesn't mind sharing. "I've put in my opinions to people," she says. "

(You invent the cute, little old lady character to express your point of view, much like in fiction. Mike Royko did it better. Your L.O.L. is about as believable as the idea there's a writer at the Oregonian who can actually write.)

"Lack of gratitude is another concern. She says she can't stand to see a spoiled, ungrateful child. "I was proud to have hand-me-down clothes," she says. "

(And now comes your real opinion about bicyclists--spoiled, ungrateful children. Interesting. The most spoiled, ungrateful children I witness each day are the Entitled SUV drivers and Oregonian Columnists like yourself and Ms. Boule. Geezus. )

"After a while, Seim apologizes for "going a long way around the barn." The real reason for her call, she says, is to complain about rude bicyclists. "This is not going to get better," she predicts. "It's going to get worse."

(So, some rude bicyclist gave you his/her middle digit, after you nearly made a hood ornament out of their helmetless head on you Land Yacht. Do you have any idea how transparent you are? Obviously not.)

"Seim says she is tired of bicyclists' running red lights: "You and I have seen cars who do the same cotton-picking thing." It's also unnerving when they zoom past her at a stop sign. "They look one way, and away they go," she says. "They don't even stop.""

(Cotton-picking thing. Wow. Did they teach you that's how old people talk in writing 101? Gripping. Really. I've been hit five times by cars in Portland. Every time, the car ran a red light or stop sign. Oh, and once I was doored. Not one of these six drivers received a citation. I sued two of them and recovered damages for two bicycles, three broken ribs, a broken nose and other assorted injuries that never go away...especially when the cold, wet weather comes back. Your alter-ego-granny is seriously out of touch with reality. But then she is, after all, 84. Which is roughly your IQ, I would guess. )

"Seim believes all bicyclists should wear helmets, reflectors and bright clothing. And they should stay in the bicycle lanes as much as possible. "If I have to abide by the rules and pay a heavy fine," she says, "shouldn't they?" "

( Perhaps habitually bad columnists should have their columns printed in traffic cone orange, so we could all be warned of the hazards to the language and logic ahead. Oh, and the readers of your column should wear helmets, too, as protection against the deluge of bull crap falling from the sky. And I like the heavy fine idea, too...levied against soap-boxers like you and Boulet...two of the worst columnists I have ever read in any publication at any time.)


"It all comes down to accountability, she says. Like spoiled children, bicyclists have long been overindulged. And like smoking, the city should curtail bad behavior before someone else dies. The question is: Is there anyone out there brave enough to stop allowing law-breaking bicyclists a free ride? "

(Indeed, when will the fiction-writing columnist be held accountable for her distortions, inventions and lies. If you want to lie for a living, try fiction writing. There's plenty of hapless prose out there, like your's, in the genre markets...like romance. The spoiled children are the Oregonian columnists who take a stand every time they are offended by rude behavior. Rudeness won't kill you. But your writing is destroying millions of brain cells in unsuspecting readers every day. Please, for the love of god, stop writing columns.)

You and your fictitious granny.
I saw the same fakery 13.Oct.2003 03:11

anonymous

I think maybe not many people saw this because of the title. I just opened it by chance, not knowing what it was about, because I didn't know the columnist's name. I could easily have missed it altogether.

I don't know if you want to repost this under a title that draws attention to it being about the anti-bicyclist article, in case many others were ignorant of her name, as I was.