portland independent media center  
images audio video
newswire article creative united states

arts and culture | gender & sexuality | media criticism

TV Newswomen

Why Trannies should deliver the news
"TV" Newswomen

Hurricanes and recalls are all I recall
last month
some people blowing so hard
you'd think their pants would fall off
and that's what concerns me most
Why do the late night network news
women look like transvestites
like they could bend their emasculated co-
anchor over the faux desk and
f*** him silly and sideways
with another Isabel/Arnie report
Newschicks with dicks
ripping my sphincter open
with eight inches "Up To The Minute"

You may think I'm not well-
anchored here
but there are distinct advantages
to trannies delivering the news
Here's that report...

There's nothing worse than some serious
newswoman telling me why I need to
fear Isabel terrorists recalling
Agnes in '72
with a shiny red pimple
on her nose

We like our newswomen thin
skinny skeletal emaciated Maria-Shriver-like
Five pounds looks like ten
or fifteen on video
and that kind of weight
fluctuation once per month is

Yuck awful I-did-a-bad-thing
Our newswomen should never get pregnant
or bear children
Like Maria Shriver
We are their children
suckling at their bony breasts
They coddle us with warnings
advice fuzzy animal stories
bedtime horror stories
fairytales and
celebrity watch gossip
We do not want to see
our newswomen knocked up
As men
we secretly fantasize we will do
the knocking
especially some poor refugee from another
country the US has bombed the hell out of...
big fat no

We want our newswomen to have sultry
convincing octave-reduced voices
Hypnotic and or coma-inducing
comforting low
jack-off timbre
Never shrill
high-pitched excited

So you see how well anchored I am
how the perfect newswoman
would actually be a transvestite
shoving that news up my virgin ass
Give it to me
Whisper war and rumors of war
in my wet ear
Useless tips on buying a new car
I'm your bitch all night long
"Up To The Minute"
Up my grateful ass
Your skinny clear-skinned never-knocked-up never bloated
always deep-voiced cadence
fills me up
Give me your weapon of ass destruction
I live for your lies...
Really stupid 30.Sep.2003 08:03


Get a life. Don't waste my time or bandwidth with this worthless drivel.

wow, great poem! 30.Sep.2003 09:15

indy reader

wow, "poet34", this is a great poem. it's too bad that "critic" (who commented above) missed your points, because they are good ones: like a drag queen, a newswoman's appearance and bearing is often hyper-sexual -- a parody of what passes for femininity in current popular culture. but, newswomen are not allowed to reveal their biological gender in other -- real -- ways (you name "time-of-the-month bloating" and pregnancy as examples), which puts the lie to their presentation. i especially like your line "We are their children / suckling at their bony breasts"; newswomen -- through their exalted roles -- are presented subtextually as maternal goddess figures, but they are not that: "the goddess" of spiritual beliefs has large, nourishing breasts, better to feed the world with, and is truly a loving being/concept. the role of newswomen as presented by the news producers, in contrast, lacks the true love, fertility and life of real femaleness, but tries to cop that imagery. there's also a strong dose of the "temple whore" thrown in there.

your imagery about being fucked is totally appropriate: corporate news is fucking us over, so why shouldn't newswomen be men to better reflect the patriarchal nature of that dominance? your imagery about fucking is also appropriate: males in our society are raised to feel/express their sexuality in violent response to hyper-sexual roles like the newswoman's, and this is a disaster for women and men both. in a healthier society, men would look at women like this and be turned off, not on, and no woman would want to abuse herself this way, and sexuality would be expressed through truth and love, not fakery and violence.

with vivid language, you are making a searing indictment of sexism, patriarchy, and corporate media, and are showing how terrible gender roles are used to manipulate our attention and hence our minds and opinions. really good work! i hope other people appreciate your effort.

(sorry if all this analysis is unneeded; after reading the first comment, i felt like i should put it out there. are "poet34"'s points obvious to everyone else?)

beautiful 30.Sep.2003 13:31


Yes, this is a beautiful socially conscious piece of art. It makes me smile. I wish we saw more of this on Indymedia. Thanks!

Very nice 01.Oct.2003 00:48

Henry Miller's dead meat

This is great. I was not expecting to find poetry on Indymedia, let alone that rarest of the rare -- A GENUINELY GOOD POEM! This poem resists cliche and shines a perceptive beam of observation on a phenomenon whose ubiquity has dulled our senses: the godawful local news report.

Art needs to sneak into our lives like this in order to have a profound impact. I congratulate the author of this piece for sharing it. You rock.

Very good 01.Oct.2003 02:24


Very good, multi-layered, clever, funny.

I like the use of "yuck."


Beyond reproach 01.Oct.2003 13:27


Had me sliming my chair in breathless abandonment of my most visceral sense of righteousness and justification of the elaborate boors of warring tribes as they beat their senseless scoundrels and fiends pulsing as their sex-slaves writhed in orgasm.

invisible as always 02.Oct.2003 03:39

volatile tranny

sure, this poem may seem like a great attack on corporate media and the imagery of sexism in this country, but it is extremely trans phobic (along with some of the comments, as usual).
oversexualizing trans people and making the idea of trans people sound like disgusting, freakish human beings is only half of it.
it generally has the problem of stereotyping all trans people as what is shown in movies as a male-assigned transvestite prostitute who a "hyper-sexualized drag queen."

i don't know why i bring this things up on portland indymedia
all i ever get is replies and comments that are worse than the original topic i am responding too
how exhausting

Dear Volitile 02.Oct.2003 08:48


I am a transgender person who agrees that the poem is quite offensive.

AMAZING 02.Oct.2003 09:18


I think this poem is so beautiful. Its one of the most original poems I have ever read. I will print it and save it to look back on it.

poem 02.Oct.2003 12:05


If I were to be sensitive about it, I would say that it is also mysogynist, but I don't think the writer is being mysogynist here. I hope not anyway, and I hope he/she is not disrespecting transvestite/transgender people.

The poet is not talking about real trannies, or real women, not criticizing them for who and what they are, but using them as vehicles to comment on other things. That's how I see it.

It would be nice to hear from the poet on this and the concerns expressed above.

Offensive 02.Oct.2003 15:30


You don't get it. Most transgender people do not dress like drag queens on stage or tv. Many, including myself, find those hyper-dressers extreme. You would NEVER recognize me as a transgender. I am so average and normal you could date me and never know. Don't drag us into this without caring about the truth of without caring who you offend. If you do, then you are no better than the skin heads who beat queers.

wading in on the trans-gender topic 04.Oct.2003 01:25

Miss Kitty Russell

The images I got were not at all of Hollywood's "hyper-sexualized drag queen[s]", but rather, as Michelle describes herself, someone "you could date . . . and never know."
The networks don't have drag queens delivering the news, but rather a sort of artificially perfected female . . .

way to go, smarty! 16.Oct.2003 21:04

jenny gs! fatassfemme@yahoo.com

first, what does a transvestite "look" like? second, what are you even getting at when you compare newsanchor women to transvestites? like, is it supposed to be funny? crossdressing isn't about exaggerated femininity. that's drag, honey.

anyway, i know yr point wasn't to offend, but you did and you need to fix it. STAT.