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imperialism & war

Spin doctoring the President's speech on Iraq

Based on what I have heard, the spin doctors have written a speech for Bush to deliver to the American people Sunday evening which explains that the billion dollar a week cost of the Iraq invasion is worth it, because it will help to win the war on terrorism. I think I could do a better job than those sorry spin doctors...
According to the spin doctoring " Iraq has emerged as the "central battle" in the war on terrorism. He will talk about the strategy we're pursuing, about the need to be absolutely resolute -- recognizing that there are sacrifices to be made and that this is a difficult struggle ahead of us, but that the war on terror will be tremendously well served by victory in Iraq, and we intend to achieve victory in Iraq."

The President "will level with the American people" about the human and financial cost of the war in Iraq. "He will say we're in this for the long haul. There have been some difficulties, but we do have a plan, we do have a strategy. ... He will also make it clear to the American people that we have a long way to go. Sacrifices will be required, and it's going to cost quite a bit of money. ... the U.S.-led coalition that ousted Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein "didn't realize how rotten the whole place was" when it invaded Iraq in March. I think we did not realize how bad the infrastructure was, how much damage had been done in the 30 years of Hussein's regime."

"It's the United States' war. We're the ones that started it. It's our responsibility to finish it. We need more troops. We need more money. We need it quickly, and time is not on our side."



Alright, so basically the spin doctoring is that American's are in a hard and difficult war against terrorists, and that has to be worth a billion bucks a week at least. And then there's that bit about how ruined the place was by '30 years of Saddam Hussein' and that ruined infrastructure won't be cheap to fix either.


Now let me try my hand at spin doctoring. Now first off, if the President is going 'to level with the American people' he can start by dumping that spin doctoring about how the whole infrastructure of the country was just ruined by '30 years of Saddam' when everyone who knows anything knows that it was ruined by 12 years of Americans and Brits bombing the shit out of the place. Therefore, Americans should cough up to fix that ruined place, and the President also should dump that bit about how 'they just didn't know how ruined that place was'. After all Tony Blair is already getting raked over the coals for telling fibs, and we don't need the President of the United States to start telling a whopper like that one, so let's just drop the whole thing, and the President can explain how Americans have to cough up for that place, not because it was ruined by '30 years of Saddam' (which a lot of Americans won't understand why they should have to pay for) and just come clean and admit that Americans ruined the place (there would still be a lot of Americans who won't want to pay to fix that place up, any more than you here people talking about fixing up Bosnia or Vietnam or any of those other places, but at least the President would be leveling with the American people, whether they liked it or not). The President could tell the people that its going to to take a hell of a long time and a fortune in money to fix that place up, but Americans are dedicated to sticking with the task over the long haul.

Well that bit of spin doctoring is as likely to fly as a brick with taped on wings, so moving right along...

Now we know the President has to come up with some reason for spending a billion bucks a week, when the country is going to hell in handbasket, and state governments around the country are nearing bankruptcy hell, and so on, and that bit about how we have to fight the terrorists for a long time, and spend a fortune doing it, seems a little iffy to me.

Instead I would suggest that the whole thing be spin doctored by once again recommending that white house level with the american people by telling them that its not really money being spent on Iraq, but rather it should be called a form of loan. Iraq has trillions of dollars worth of oil, and so no matter how much americans spend, they can be sure that the loans they are giving to Iraq will eventually get paid back with interest. So, truth be told, no American is actually out a single dime, and thus Americans can well afford to be in it for the long haul, since the whole thing is actually completely free.

Furthermore, the president should point out how Iraq, due to a freak of nature, has the kind of oil that can be pumped out of the ground for about one dollar a barrel, and then sold for 25 or 30 bucks a barrel, making it the most profitable oil in the world for that very reason. Its also light sweet crude which is highly profitable when it hits the refineries, and thus its real profitable at the end too. So then, with American multinational conglomerates lining up to get contracts to 'rebuild Iraq' and then 'pump out Iraq's oil' (although not neccesarily in that order) well you can see that not only will americans get back all the money they are loaning Iraq every week right now, but if they are lucky enough to be loaded up on oil and gas stocks, they stand to make an even bigger killing later, so the fact that the Iraq war is actually going to cost Zero dollars, combined with the huge profits to be shared around later due to the freakish profitability of trillions of dollars of Iraq oil, all this combines to make this one invasion that is more than worth spending every dime that has been spent on it so far, especially when you consider that Americans are not actually spending a dime, since its all free.

personally I think my spin doctoring is a lot more saleable than the other weak things I have been hearing about 'toughing it out' and 'fighting a long, hugely expensive war against the world's terrorists' and so I expect to be real disappointed by that speech, given what I hear its supposed to be about...
How much? 07.Sep.2003 15:55

bladerdash

How much does the vestigial Baa'th Party pay you?

hehe 07.Sep.2003 21:16

amused

It's hysterical watching Bush supporters unable to defend their hero anymore. I wonder how they will justify to themselves and their children voting for the man who will go down in history as the worst president in the history of the country. I wonder if the cognitive dissonance will make their heads explode.

So much 07.Sep.2003 22:57

tom

bladerdash (is that supposed to be "balderdash" ) doesn't know how much Bret Herbert is getting paid by the Baa'th party. And neither do I. Maybe he will tell us.

But I do know that the American Taxpayers are about to pay the Baa'th party to resume policing operations in Iraq.

Some "freedom" we have brought to Iraq.

of course! 10.Sep.2003 14:02

holocene

maybe bush should go over there and be the president of iraq. He obviously cares more about iraq than the U.S. You know how many problems in this country we could solve with 87 billion? Bush took out Saddam cuz he had "tyrant-envy"