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More news from Bush Aug 21

An open letter to bring sense to the protest community
A CEO Speaks Out

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing today to share my impressions of the August 21st Bush Celebration in Portland. I was able to attend while my no-health care minimum wage temp employees sat in on my weekly board meeting for me. Now that I am back in the office, I've released those employees as a cost cutting measure.

I felt compelled to come out to show support for America's CEO and Commander and Chief Bush. You may have seen me with my "CEO's for war" and "Business is Booming" placard, wresting the burning American flags from the black clad Anarchists and shouting down the UNIONIZERS (gads! Is that still legal?) leading the march.

I believe that the Bush administration has done wonders to improve the climate for Business in these modern times. Of course we still have to contend with the business-hostile environment in Portland which clings to such antiquated and wasteful notions such as "living wages", "growth management" and "social services". I'm also glad that people are finally coming to their senses about the environmental yoke that pagan terrorists have placed on hard working people who are just trying to make a living off the land. When Bush rolls back environmental protections in favor of my bottom line, I feel like I'm getting a return on my investment. I mean look at the Willamette - compared to the 1900's it may be almost clean enough to drink... but where's the bustling commerce and river traffic of long ago? Good for the environment, bad for business.

In total, I was shocked, shocked I tell you, at the lost productivity of more than 2000 protesters yesterday. I gently reminded them that they should get back to working and get back to shopping. Go home and watch TV and try and figure out what Brand you want. Once you figure that out (be it Nike or Gap or McDonalds) go down to the mall and get Branded. If you can't figure out what Herd you belong to, just grab the nearest flag and join the National herd. Personally, you probably wouldn't know my brand. I head up one of the companies that deals directly with my friends in government on defense contracts. You're a part of my herd and don't even know it even though I control half of your tax dollars.

I do have to say I was a little confused about what the protesters were trying to accomplish yesterday. Do they think Bush, personally, is sitting in smoke filled back rooms with shadowy figures twiddling their waxed mustaches hatching plans for global Empire? Hardly... Bush is just our cuddly king, a red herring. He has plenty of professional support staff to do his mustache twiddling for him, most of which have been professional twiddlers for decades with plenty of experience under Bush Sr, Reagan and Nixon. You protesters show up for a couple hours and yell at the buildings and cops, but it puts me at ease to know that people like the Project for the New American Century are working full time every day to make sure things are going along as planned (and they getting paid for it and you aren't). If the media get outraged about some fib the administration told (like, you know, our reason for war), then just resign someone in the cabinet and send them off to work on the re-election campaign.

I was most surprised about the number of people who came up asking me if I was serious or not. Oh believe me honey, I'm serious one of Cheney's heart attacks! Why don't these people learn that it's much more satisfying to identify with a winner? Cause Bush is going to be the first president to take all 50 states! All this talk about "Freedom"- when will they realize that the freedom they want is "paper or plastic", "regular or premium", and "visa or mastercard"? What more could you ask for? Freedom to get all up in a knot about how America's "takin care of business" in other countries? If the "kids" ran the "household", we'd come home with bags full of candy and soda every time we went grocery shopping and our house would fall into disarray. Seriously, please leave these matters to the professionals.

Sincerely,

Alfred S. Moneybags
Response to the CEO 22.Aug.2003 11:36

Dartboard

You seem like a lame and brainwashed person. Many suffer because of you and that's not funny or worth bragging about.

Love,
Dartboard

I saw yr picture 22.Aug.2003 11:44

Less funny looking

ha ha you're a middle aged bald fat guy in a suit!!!

Um hello? 22.Aug.2003 12:03

A Ceo for War

Satire alert! Whoop whoop! Satire alert! Incoming dry humor, man your battle stations! Defensive shields down!

And for your information, I'm not bald... I'm bald_ing_.

Tooooo Funny 22.Aug.2003 12:19

xyz

If someone can't plainly tell this is satire...they are taking EVERYTHING way too seriously. PLEASE, once you lose your sense ofhumor, your screwed..so THIS IS SATIRE. Some irony too.

He's making fun of the ASSHOLES.

ok?

get it?

Anyway, I think you are way funny. Keep it up. You'll reach the middle with this humor. And most CEO's will agree with you anyway.

Confusion about sarcasm 22.Aug.2003 12:24

Punk with a bullhorn

What's up with folks who don't get sarcasm?

Yesterday, I was doing some spoofing on the corporate media--encouraging them to get the important shot of the flag burning, making fun of them for focusing on the "fight" with the anti-gay bigots, and some dude with a mask comes up and asks "how much are they paying you to do that"?

He seriously thought the media (or someone, maybe cops?) were paying me to make fun of them. I tried to explain to him the concept of sarcasm (in a non-sarcastic way), but he just didn't seem to get it.

I think we need more of this kind of humor at protests. Making folks laugh, making fun of Bush, and his supporters, and the cops, is a powerful tool. It lightens the mood, and it's funny. Did folks see the "Cops for Impeachment" banner being help up in front of a line of cops. That was awesome.

Folks need to lighten up a little.

The comments above are clearly from folks who either have no sense of humor, or are just a little bit dim.

p.s. accusing someone of being a infiltrator/provocateur/cop is a fairly common tactic of someone who is an infiltrator/provocateur/cop. I'm not saying my friend with the bandana is, but folks should be careful about making those kinds of accusations.

THanks for the humor... and GOOD GOD people... lighten up! 22.Aug.2003 12:51

Mark

CEO...
Thanks for the funny letter and for your great outfit yesterday. I thought you looked great. Keep on fighting the good fight.

To my brothers and sisters, not getting his joke... lighten up. Go for a walk... get some fresh air... meditate. The "battle" that we're facing can sure look grim, but you gotta find peace. If you can't find it in this world... make sure that peace remains in your heart.
We're gonna need you when the "fighting" gets even tougher.

hear hear! 22.Aug.2003 12:54

margaret

hurray for sarcasm.
down with those who take everything so seriously.

i for one went up to the ice cream truck and asked if they carried soy ice cream.
I don't think the cop working there knew what I was talking about, so I repeated my request and explained it more thoroughly.
and they wouldn't sell me any soy ice cream.

My feeling exactly 22.Aug.2003 13:08

CEO wannabe

I marched in every protest against Bush's war and I'm very proud of my city for the message we sent. But I didn't turn out yesterday because I finally got the message: I'm sure that when Bush was driving by the people that were flipping him off, he was waving his middle finger right back at them. He doesn't give a shit about protesters. All that matters to him, and sadly to our political system, is money. So I'm busy making money and using it to make more money. Then some day, if I haven't been corrupted by that money, I'll give it to candidates that will toss Bush and his friends out on their asses. If is you showed up yesterday, good job, I'm still very proud to live among you. But don't forget to send that money in to candidates that are at least half-way trustworthy.

priceless 22.Aug.2003 19:39

cubicle drone

Billionaires for Bush confused folks in DC as well.
definately an odd turn in the vortex when at the anti-WTO protest, backlashing dudes from GWU stepped out from the frat house and in line with the Billionaires. a real knee slapper i tell you what.

i look forward to you taking it one step beyond.

Sarcasm as cranial enema 22.Aug.2003 19:58

Saint Wilhelm Reichstag

"The best way to bring down the false gods of authority is to laugh at them, loud and hard." --Thomas Ingersol More

Picture of CEO for War 24.Aug.2003 09:42

totalitarian maggot

Here you go...

You should be a comedian ... 13.Sep.2003 15:58

Not yet homeless

Love it!
Where didja get the suit jacket and tie?